gordano

I have been 5 days sober. The first two days went great. I really had no urge to drink because of my intense shame I felt for disappointing my family was stronger than the booze. I actually thought this time I could get clean without a hitch.... then Friday night came.

No its not what you are thinking - I didn't drink. I went to bed happy, and sober with my wife in my arms, but soon after I fell asleep things went insane. I started having extremely vivid nightmares to the point I actually felt they were real. My wife said I was screaming in my sleep and punching and kicking. At one point I actually kicked her real hard in the back. I have never hit her before (even at my worst angry drunk moment) so this really shocked and upset me. She would not let me go sleep on the couch though, probably because she thought I might have a drink. Throughout the night she was taking care of me. Each time she could see that I was having a nightmare she would gently wake me and give me a hug. I must have woken at least a dozen times that night with these intense dreams, screaming and kicking. It was honestly the worst withdrawal effect I have ever had.

We did some research Saturday and found out that what I was experiencing is called REM sleep disorder and can be caused by alcohol withdrawal, and it can go on for a week or two before it subsides. There is treatment for it, but the drug they give you is klonipin, and being an addict, I knew that was off limits for me - so it looks like I am doing it cold turkey. The last two nights have been just like Friday night, however, my wife is willing to stay by my side and comfort me when I am having these nightmares. She said as long as I am dedicated to staying sober she will do anything and everything to support me and get me through this. I really do have an amazing wife and I think with her support, the support of this forum and AA I will be able to stay clean!

Sapling

I believe everything you say here...You are blessed.

SOBERINNEPA

You should seriously consider continuing your detox with medical supervision. Withdrawal from alcohol can be life threatening and seizures are a real possibility. An addiciton doc can help you with preventative measures that won't necessarily lead to a substiute addiction.

What you're going through is no joke.

Dee74

I'm sorry you had bad dreams (and such a physical reaction) Gordano - but like you read they're pretty common. I hope they fade quickly for you

D

gordano

Thanks all for your replies. I guess I was scared to go to the doctor because I was afraid if they did offer me some type of benzo or narcotic to prevent the REM sleep disorder, my addict side would somehow rationalize that it would be a good idea. I just called my wife and asked if she would be willing to go to the doctor with me today to keep me from making any bad decisions - of course she was more than happy. She even said she was proud of me for understanding that right now, I am vulnerable and that I can't rely on myself anymore to get sober. She also will be going with me to my first AA meeting tonight. I haven't actually felt good about myself in so long. I am starting to realize that I am not completely helpless anymore. To anyone out there that is doubting themselves please understand you can do this! I have been struggling with this for 12 years and this is the first time I actually can picture a life without drugs and alcohol. I know it will be the toughest battle of my life, but now I have HOPE.

Sapling

Things change when you have hope....Hang on to it tight and take it a day at a time. I can see it in your post...Enjoy the meeting...There is a better life waiting for you.

Zakynthos

There is a thread in the Alcoholism Forum on this board entitled Quitting - What to Expect - What we Did. (I could not post the link because I do not have enough posts yet.)

I found this thread most helpful with what to expect...a goldmine of information.

Be especially wary of the pink cloud effect...that set me back and I am here again for a new Day One.

Good luck to you.

gordano

thanks Zakynthos, I think that what to expect thread will be great. I'd rather not be blindsided anymore.

LoftyIdeals

Way to struggle through it, Gordano. Give that angel of a wife a big sober hug while you are awake today!

2granddaughters

gordano, All the best.

Stay close to your AA group and sponsor and all will be well.
Put AA/HP first and everything else will last.

Bob R

gordano

I will definitely do that. I still don't know why she is with me after I have put her through 12 years of my addiction. I guess the only conclusion is that she is in fact an angel.