we found each other after 10 years
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 4
we found each other after 10 years
I met this girl through mutual friends when i was in 8th grade, and she was in 7th. it was puppy love, nothing serious...but the feelings were there. We ended up breaking up because we went to two different middle school in town and i didnt have a way to go see her. Moving foward, 10 years goes by, and I see her appear on my facebook because of mutual friends. As soon as I msg'd her, it was as if we had never lost touch. All the feelings instantly rushed back, and now that we were older, things felt more real, more significant. Building on our relationship, we began to share intimate details to one another, and she told me that she had gotten into crack in HS. She stopped using, graduated from college, and was doing ok for herself. Well, I'm not one to judge because none of us are perfect, and i let her know that it was in the past (LOL). Up until this point, i had NEVER personally known someone who used crack so i had no basis for what to expect or for what i was getting myself into. We had been talking for about 2.5 months when she suddenly disappeared for about 2-3 days. I didn't know what was going on...i figured her phone was fried or something genuinely bad had happened with her family. I finally get in touch with her after the weekend and she tells me what happened. I was mad at first, but I told her I didn't want to lose someone so good over something so done, because she IS an intelligent woman (obviously not if she's doing this to herself). Things are ok again for about another 2-3 weeks, and then she disappears again for 3-4 days. This time, i knew what happened before she told me. I was mad, but then i forgave her (i think this gave her the impression that it was ok). Things are aight for about a week, and then we're talking on FB one night, and she asks me to do a favor and call a number for her, that "they owe me money and i can't leave the house right now", but then she says "nvm" extremely quick. I asked her whats up and to please not lie to me. Her last concrete words to me before she disappeared were "i have a huge problem, i wish i was normal". This was on March 16th. I have not had concrete conversation with her since then. I've been able to get her to answer the phone all of one time, and she's answered txts 3 times. I've been in contact with her family, but now that's fallen thru because i feel as if I'M putting an extra burden on her parents, calling, messaging, giving them false hope that its her calling and that she'll come home. I've reached out to anyone i could to see if i can find her, but shes off the grid so i don't know. I think that's the part that hurts the most. Not knowing what she's doing, who she's doing it with..or WHO she's doing FOR it...it effing HURTS! the feelings are still there but it's hard knowing that crack is almost unbeatable... 
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: California
Posts: 99
My husband and I reconnected after 8 years.. Same magical stuff.. Found out after I married him he was addicted to crack..also found out he was addicted when we dated 8 years before.. This is way bigger than you.. Nothing you say, do, hope, love can make her stop until she wants to.. I rec the friends and family of substance abusers forum here at SR and another site crackreality.com my husband was,sober for a few years... He's now 40.. Until she fully commits to recovery things will only get worse... Like ur gf my AH is smart, made a lot of $$, educated. He has nothing now...
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 4
i definitely understand the letting go, and the fact that she has to want it before anything else can fully develop. i've been to crackreality and the harsh truths there are helping me cope, but i do feel as if the members there are hopeless...no faith..i was raised to think positive, and i can't abandon that premise.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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its not that i want to push change on her. she has told me that she doesn't want to use, she's gone to meetings, she was feeling better about herself. ultimately, i feel as if i may have to let her go just because of the sheer amount of hurt i'm experiencing right now. i miss her immensely...i just wish things were different. and its not the fact that i've contacted her parents that she's gone off the grid. thats what they do...they binge and don't talk to ANYONE for days, weeks, months on end. i just wanted to form a support network so when she DOES come to her senses and realizes what she's doing...we can ALL be on the same page.
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