porto77

Hello everyone i just joined this site and i seriously need help i need to stop drinking..My drinking has gotten out of control whenever i turn into this monster last Thursday i went to the bar with my cousins and i have been fighting with my ex girl friend and i seen her at the bar and once i seen her i drank even more and blacked out and i woke up the next day covered in blood in my room so i asked my cousins what happened and they told me i got kicked out of the bar for smashing a bottle and for hitting my ex and i don`t even remember this at all and now i lost the chance of me ever getting back with her and she deleted me off facebook and changed her phone number and doesn`t want to talk to me and called me a woman beater but i never would of done that if i wasn`t drunk because i am a nice person and i would never hit a woman...now i see that i need to stop drinking and show my ex girl friend that i can change and hopefully me quitting drinking will show her that i can change and that i really do love her... and her mother sent me a message on facebook saying "Decided to have a drink did ya and You better hope Lindsay's back pain is temporary cause it really seems to be hurting her." and i sent her mother a message saying "Mrs.******* I am sorry for everything my drinking got in the way of how would i normally handed the situation. I have a drinking problem and i am deciding to end it once and for all. I`m not me when i drink i am a mean person and i truly am sorry Mrs.******* but that was not how i would remotely consider treating lindsay on regular basis. I don`t remember anything and it`s honestly killing me to know that what i did is uneraseable and the fact that i know can`t go back and un do it is unbearable for me. I am truly sorry Mrs. *******.i will do anything to make up for what i have done when i was drunk Mrs. ******* I still love lindsay i will go to AA meetings I am ashamed at my self for getting that drunk to the point when i black out I am truly sorry Mrs.*******and I am seriously quitting drinking and i will show you that i can do it" i feel like **** to be honest like we where getting back together and i just had to drink to the point where i black out...i don`t remember anything at all... i woke up the next day covered in blood which was my blood because im all cut up from smashing that beer bottle and i am a nice person i never would hit a woman if i was sobar my parents raised me better then that its just when i drink i drink to get drunk and i turn into this evil and hurtful person i see now i have to stop drinking so i can show everyone like my family and my ex and her family that i can quit because i want her back i love her... and i am scared i have been through so much this year moving out of my house for college and living on my own then my ex dumps me before exams and through text message and i didn`t even freak out i just kept everything in but when i drank that night all hell broke loose i had no control when i drink like a demon comes out of me and takes over me..i feel so frigging bad

Dee74

Hi Porto - welcome.

I think you need to start with the basics - your drinking has helped make you into someone you don't want to be, and has contributed to you hurting someone you care about.

Getting sober is what you need to focus on for now - the situation with your ex and her mother is something that may or may not be fixed later on.

Don't get sober to show someone else - it doesn't work like that....get sober for you.

D

porto77

thank you for welcoming me you are right i have to get sobar for me I am ashamed of my self for getting that drunk... i think her mother is going to be coming by today to talk to me about it and i have a feeling she is going to smack the **** out of me which she has the right too..

Jeni26

Welcome to SR, this is a great place to get all the help and support possible.
Listen to what others have to say, we have all got , or had serious problems controlling the alcohol and what it does to us.
The first step is recognising it, then wanting to quit. You have done that.
Dee is right, you need to focus on YOU, it just isn't possible to do it any other way.
There are lots of support networks in place, listen to others, choose one that suits you and stick with it.
We are all behind you 100%.

scrambled2012

I know how rotten you must feel Porto. Not everything is lost. You haven't killed or raped or robbed sombody, you don't have a felony, you aren't sitting in a jail cell, or injured in some life changing way.

Time is the coin of your life. With the decisions you make now, your life can still be OK.

You know what must be done, there is a lot of information and support both here and in your community to help you do it. You are amazed at what alcohol can do to you? Welcome to the human condition. It's bad, and for some of us it's so bad that we decide never to drink again. Then our lives improve--and we are humbled by finding out just how human we are.

You life isn't over Porto; you know what needs to be done, and if you stick with your decision, in many ways a new life has just begun with a better you being the result.

Deep breath. Stay strong. This too shall pass, and you can be the better for it.

2granddaughters

Hello porto77:

Lots of great AA in London. You'll meet SW Ontario members here, they'll set you on the right track. Maybe see you at a meeting down the line...

All the best.

Bob R (near Windsor)

porto77

thank you guys so much! i have been stressed out about this for 3 days now i haven`t been sleeping and eating and i am scared to be honest and you guys are right i have to do this for me! what you guys said is making me feel a little better

porto77

shes calling me a woman beater now and a bunch of people are going to come after me i am so frigging scared to be honest .... i mad a mistake i know what i did getting drunk to the point of blacking out and hurting lindsay was wrong i know that the booze took over and i am serious about quitting i am scared **** less

Seasidegirllau

Hi Porto77,

drink turns us into people we and our family dont recognise. Its almost like it makes all our demons rise to the surface and we can say and do stupid things. You have made the first step to showing drink the door...not only do you not need it..but it has made you do something you really regret. Alcohol clouds your judgement, once that cloud has lifted im sure all the good things will just naturally happen :-) Laura.

scrambled2012

a bunch of people are going to come after me

Then a bunch of people will be going to jail.

Sapling

Welcome porto77...They say you have to hit a bottom to really put the drink down for good. This could be your bottom. I'm a believer that your bottom is when you stop digging....Give up fighting it and do what you have to do to never drink again. The only way you can redeem yourself to you or anyone else....Is not to pick up another drink. Do what you have to do....Don't drink and put all you have into a recovery program. All the I'm Sorrys in the universe...Don't mean anything if you pick up a drink.

porto77

that is true i am just scared they will charge me..my cousins who where there told me if i did hit her that her friends would of beaten me up because her friends told my cousins that he was right there and that he seen it all so i don`t know what to think i so frigging scared i`m only 20 years old i want to finish college i can`t go to jail

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

I don't understand the group of people going after you, I would have just pressed charges on you, if it were me. Get to AA and keep your word. Things will change for you.

Glad you are here!

Hooped

You can't change the past but you are in control of what you do today so just don't drink today.....and do the same tomorrow.
Never mind her mother you are lucky that you aren't sitting in a jail cell right now.

porto77

I will keep my word i made a promise to my self and god that i will never pick up a drink again!! and your right all the sorrys i said would not mean jack if i pick up another drink that is why i am going to pray and believe in my self that i will not pick up another drink. I just want to say thank you for all the people who have given me advice on this site it really means a lot to me and i hope i stay in touch with all of you

Sapling

That's how I started. And I'd hit a meeting today if you can...Take some action. And I hope you stay in touch here....That would be good for you.

Anna

Hi Porto,

I think you need to take the focus off getting your girlfriend back, and focus on getting and staying sober. We are here to offer support.

It sounds as if there is a lot of violence in your world. You talk about your girlfriend's mother possibly beating you up, and people coming after you, not to mention hitting your girlfriend. Getting help for anger management might be a really good idea for you.

porto77

what do you mean hit a message? u mean hide the message that i sent to her mother? and i am deff going to stay on this site you all are wonderful people you guys honestly made me feel better about my self

Sapling

A meeting...An AA meeting. I'd lay off the messages.

Sapling

We are not bad people porto...We are good people with a sickness...We can get better. I hope and pray you do.