hardboiled

I teach a small class of adults in the evenings occassionally. It's not through a school and really informal. Today one of the student's friends aparently started thier own spirits company and asked us to taste test the new product. I couldn't believe it, not only was the timing was horrible but nothing like this ever happens! I actually felt a little sick to my stomach since the last time I drank was out of control and didn't want anyone there to see that side of me but I didn't know how to refuse. They all seemed excited to try the new booze and even ordered a big delivery dinner. I drank some having no intention of drinking a lot. I don't even know at what point I convinced myself to keep drinking... at one point several people left, then somone suggested we wrap it up. Now I'm back home still drinking. I'm concerned for a few reasons but mainly because I failed again. I don't know why it's so hard to say no, or just stop before it gets too far.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. I know situations like this will occur again and if I'm going to stop drinking I need to deal with being around booze and not join in. Every time it startes with me saying I'll just have a drink or two then head out. And every time I can't stop it.

sugarbear1

Ever consider attending an AA meeting and talking to someone there? It might help you.

hardboiled

Currently living abroad, and no AA here. That's one of the reasons I joined this forum.

Sapling

For real?...They have AA all over the world. If you're teaching a student that just started a spirits company...I bet a I could find a meeting there.

hypochondriac

You don't necessarily have to go to meetings to stop drinking hardboiled. There are other methods that don't require meetings and also I believe you can do online meetings.

I don't think keeping busy cuts it sometimes. You may need to actively work on this to learn how to not start drinking. This time you have been caught unawares and it is early days for you so don't feel bad, just try something else and keep going.

And keep posting on here

hardboiled

Thanks hypochondriac. It's hard to remove myself from these situations, especially if they occur without notice. I've been consciously refraining from going out, which is also hard, by declining offers to join parties or go drinking etc. If I have time I can sort of plan ahead, and just avoid putting myself in a bad situations. Still need to figure out how to respond when these types of things pop up.

Sapling

If they pop up...Just say you are taking a break from drinking...Leave it at that.

hardboiled

My first reaction to that is easier said than done, then I started thinking maybe it's not. Maybe it's just an issue of will power, which kinda makes me feel weak for lacking the will power to just abstain.
When I don't drink while others are I become very anxious. It's hard for me to articulate exactly how I feel but being at an event where people are drinking and being the only one who isn't is difficult, lots of pressure both internal and external. I don't quite know how to say "no" and still be comfortable with myself in that situation.

hardboiled

Hey everyone, it's been a long time but I'm back.

Still been struggling with drinking and I can't seem to find a happy medium(part of me knows it doesn't exist) or quit booze all together. I've tried several times to quit cold turkey, and counting the days without booze is painful. I just can't detach the need to unwind with a drink with just about everything I have become so accustomed to doing. My brain is like, "oh, watching TV? Grab a drink. Meeting friends? Grab a drink. Working on some project? Grab a drink. You exercised? Good job, you definitely deserve a cold one!"

The past few years have been a roller coaster of regular drinking, abstaining, and bingeing; alcohol related drama and non-alcohol related drama that just resulted in further drinking to escape. Recently I've been particularly stressed due to personal issues and have been drinking daily to cope, which has kind of triggered my re-finding this forum.
I read through some of my old posts and I feel like not much has changed. I can't help but ask, do I even want to change? Why do I continue this cycle of guilt and feeling worthless? Part of me knows it's bad news but I keep doing the same thing over and over. It's really eating away at me. Sorry if anyone's tired about hearing the same old song but I need to find another outlet. Right now it's this or crack open another beer, so...

soberlicious

Don't apologize. Most of us here completely understand the cycle. It's a difficult ride to get off, but you can do it. Have you read about some different approaches? There are ways to stop the ride, and never get back on again.

Feeling ambivalent about it is the hallmark of addiction. You can break through and you can be free.

Yes, it does. It's exhausting and soul sucking. You deserve more.

Berrybean

It is tough.

I cut and pasted you a list of reasons to argue with your Alcoholic Voice from your OP. Basically, if you are powerless over alcohol, and you take that first drink, you are inviting chaos into your life. Things will probably continue to get worse until you make the decision to take back control.

Reasons to stop drinking...
I become a disaster
I lose control and act like a complete idiot
Horrible hangovers
Embarassment
I get violent

Perhaps this list would be more convincing for you if you made a personal list of actual incidents where you have become a disaster; acted like an idiot; woken up feeling embarrassed or ashamed; and where you have acted violently. It won't be a pleasant experience, but might help you face you to the fact of what alcohol does to you.

No-one can make the decision to stop but you. There isn't a person alive who can stop you taking a drink if you make the decision to take it. But there is also no-one alive who can force you to take it if you decide not to. Obviously, it won't be easy. But it will be worth it.

Your life. Your call. There's plenty of support available for you (here and elsewhere) if you choose sobriety.

Good luck.

I think that the book Monkey On My Shoulder might be helpful to you. It's available on Amazon really cheaply, and might well be worth a look if you haven't already read it.

Dharma33

hardboiled, for me, anything good that I have done has not had alcohol involved. But I guarantee that anything harmful, to myself or another person, has had booze as the common denominator.

I don't have a switch to turn off so I won't pick up a second, third, or tenth drink anymore. I don't think that I ever did, even in my early drinking career.

Alcoholics don't have an off-switch. And those normal drinkers that do cannot understand why 'we' don't.

Welcome, glad you are here. This forum is very helpful.

Soberwolf

Here is help it would be wise to see what works for a broad range of recovery programmes

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

PurpleKnight

Welcome back!!