First Step To Having A Life!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 110
First Step To Having A Life! Good morning everyone,
I made the decision yesterday morning after yet another alcohol binge that it was now time to get a grip and get a life!
I don’t ‘have’ to drink every day... but often do. I usually realise that I am drinking too much, and then stop for a week or so, then go back to having just one glass of wine every other night, then within a week or so I am back to a bottle of wine a night.. and then it goes to couple of bottles a night, at which point I stop and start the whole process again!
This time I have decided that I have to make the change for good. I have lost so much because of this issue and am no longer willing to pay the price of my actions.
Having pretty much isolated myself from everyone, I realised that I had no–one to turn to for support, so I searched online and found this forum and read some of the posts and hope that it may be a place I can turn to when this journey starts to get tough.
A little about me...I am 39 (nearly the big 40), female and live in UK. I started drinking alcohol when I was about 15 (not heavily) and when at 16 I was raped (whilst very drunk at a party) I started to drink far more as a way of escape.
I have used alcohol as a crouch though out my life, at some points more than others, but I never really thought that it completely ruled my life. I have bought my daughter up alone, after my husband left me when she was one and half. I run my own business and own my own home etc. However, for a long time now I have felt that my drinking is an issue, and the cause of most the appalling things that have happened in my life. In fact having said that, ALL the awful/embarrassing/humiliating things that have happened in my life did happen when I was two sheets to the wind!
I asked myself yesterday ‘when are the peak times that I drink’ so that I can try an put in something to avoid the situation. However I was shocked at the answer I gave myself... it was - I drink whenever I feel stressed, I drink to celebrate and be sociable, I drink when sad or depressed, I drink when lonely and bored... I even drink just because it is sunny,...
I always fall into deep depression and self hatred when I have been drinking. On Wednesday I even had to take a day off work as I felt so bad, and yesterday I achieved nothing at work as I was coping with another hangover and with coming to terms with the fact that I have to stop drinking – now!
I have started by buying all the vitamins that I need like vitamin B complex, milk thistle, vitamin c and extra calcium. I have been drinking loads of water, and have started a diary to note how I feel throughout the day. Hopefully this will help me when I decided that just one drink won’t harm.. as I have been really honest and written down everything that has happened this week.
The really bad thing is though, that as I sit here, the sun shining outside, my daughter off with her friends, and no hangover.. ALL I can think about is getting a bottle of white and chilling out in front of a good film!!!
This is the real reason why I have joined the forum today, and any tips or advice that anyone can offer will be most appreciated.
I made the decision yesterday morning after yet another alcohol binge that it was now time to get a grip and get a life!
I don’t ‘have’ to drink every day... but often do. I usually realise that I am drinking too much, and then stop for a week or so, then go back to having just one glass of wine every other night, then within a week or so I am back to a bottle of wine a night.. and then it goes to couple of bottles a night, at which point I stop and start the whole process again!
This time I have decided that I have to make the change for good. I have lost so much because of this issue and am no longer willing to pay the price of my actions.
Having pretty much isolated myself from everyone, I realised that I had no–one to turn to for support, so I searched online and found this forum and read some of the posts and hope that it may be a place I can turn to when this journey starts to get tough.
A little about me...I am 39 (nearly the big 40), female and live in UK. I started drinking alcohol when I was about 15 (not heavily) and when at 16 I was raped (whilst very drunk at a party) I started to drink far more as a way of escape.
I have used alcohol as a crouch though out my life, at some points more than others, but I never really thought that it completely ruled my life. I have bought my daughter up alone, after my husband left me when she was one and half. I run my own business and own my own home etc. However, for a long time now I have felt that my drinking is an issue, and the cause of most the appalling things that have happened in my life. In fact having said that, ALL the awful/embarrassing/humiliating things that have happened in my life did happen when I was two sheets to the wind!
I asked myself yesterday ‘when are the peak times that I drink’ so that I can try an put in something to avoid the situation. However I was shocked at the answer I gave myself... it was - I drink whenever I feel stressed, I drink to celebrate and be sociable, I drink when sad or depressed, I drink when lonely and bored... I even drink just because it is sunny,...
I always fall into deep depression and self hatred when I have been drinking. On Wednesday I even had to take a day off work as I felt so bad, and yesterday I achieved nothing at work as I was coping with another hangover and with coming to terms with the fact that I have to stop drinking – now!
I have started by buying all the vitamins that I need like vitamin B complex, milk thistle, vitamin c and extra calcium. I have been drinking loads of water, and have started a diary to note how I feel throughout the day. Hopefully this will help me when I decided that just one drink won’t harm.. as I have been really honest and written down everything that has happened this week.
The really bad thing is though, that as I sit here, the sun shining outside, my daughter off with her friends, and no hangover.. ALL I can think about is getting a bottle of white and chilling out in front of a good film!!!
This is the real reason why I have joined the forum today, and any tips or advice that anyone can offer will be most appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 300
Welcome Time,
Good on you for making that first post, only doing it a few days myself so no expert here. In a rush at the moment or else I'd say some more but believe me you're doing the right thing coming on here. Folks on here are so understanding and kind and supportive and knowledgeable. You can do it. Keep posting and reading.
Good on you for making that first post, only doing it a few days myself so no expert here. In a rush at the moment or else I'd say some more but believe me you're doing the right thing coming on here. Folks on here are so understanding and kind and supportive and knowledgeable. You can do it. Keep posting and reading.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome TimeToGetALife...I love the name. I think the hardest part I had with stopping this cycle...Is coming to terms that I had to stop for good. I'm an alcoholic and I can't drink safely. Once I wrapped my head around that...It became easier for me to find a solution. I found that in Alcoholics Anonymous. I'd recommend finding some kind of recovery program and putting everything you have into it. This site is a great start. Glad you are here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 110
Thank you both for your warm welcome. My main problem with joining a programme is that although I will admit it to myself that I have an issue.. I am extremely shy and the thought of having to meet loads of people and tell them anything about me is enough to drive me to drink!! LOL.. Maybe after a while on here, reading and learning, I will be able to get some confidence and then take that step. Hope all both have a lovely fulfilling day.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
AA has online meetings too. They do one here friday nights...This site also has them daily.....
AAOnline.net--Realtime Open AA Meetings on the Internet
AAOnline.net--Realtime Open AA Meetings on the Internet
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
You can also take a look at the Big Book...The first 103 pages cover the directions for the 12 steps....Maybe it's something you'll relate to...Maybe not. Can't hurt to look at it.
The text of Alcoholics Anonymous
The text of Alcoholics Anonymous
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by TimeToGetALife 
Hi England.. don't they just deal with drug use? I only use alcohol
johnny
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Welcome Time!
Try AA. Good peeps and sober company. Lot's of wisdom.
You won't like or feel much in common with everyone but it grows on you.
The whole point is, quitting drinking is only the start.
Then you set about changing you and your life and slowly and surely, life gets better, calmer, happier.
Your daughter will benefit hugely.
Very best of luck to you.
Stick with it through the tough times. Stay for the miracle.
Anne
Try AA. Good peeps and sober company. Lot's of wisdom.
You won't like or feel much in common with everyone but it grows on you.
The whole point is, quitting drinking is only the start.
Then you set about changing you and your life and slowly and surely, life gets better, calmer, happier.
Your daughter will benefit hugely.
Very best of luck to you.
Stick with it through the tough times. Stay for the miracle.
Anne
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 110
Thank you all, I have just been on the AA website and have download the starter packs they have available.. as I have been reading them at first I thought it was all about God, and as I stopped being a believer a long time ago, I found this a bit off putting. However as I have carried on reading I have found that it is not the case and may well be the help that I need, although I am finding that thought very uncomfortable. Having done their quiz and only getting 4 'no' answers it has definiately re-enforced my decision!
Think I will go and have a long bath.. and then clean the house and plan a nice dinner for me and my daughter. She is going to be really pleased if I crack this as she says I am not very nice when I have drunk too much, and hates to see me cry... thank you for all your support x
Think I will go and have a long bath.. and then clean the house and plan a nice dinner for me and my daughter. She is going to be really pleased if I crack this as she says I am not very nice when I have drunk too much, and hates to see me cry... thank you for all your support x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 122
Hi timeto.. I like your name. Your patterns sounds very similar to mind. And January this year I had more than enough of it, outwardly everything looked great, I lapsed a couple of times but now have been sober for 20 days. I understand where you are coming from, I used booze as a crutch but at the same time I used it to celebrate feeling good as well - as you in the garden. I have found that the hard times are worse with booze, it does not support you, and the good times are better without booze.
Take care. Get any help you feel like, listen to what they say on here. For me this website and some close friends is enough. I find reading the posts so helpful to me. I hope you find this too.
Take care. stay strong.
Take care. Get any help you feel like, listen to what they say on here. For me this website and some close friends is enough. I find reading the posts so helpful to me. I hope you find this too.
Take care. stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by TimeToGetALife
as I have been reading them at first I thought it was all about God, and as I stopped being a believer a long time ago, I found this a bit off putting. However as I have carried on reading I have found that it is not the case and may well be the help that I need, although I am finding that thought very uncomfortable. Having done their quiz and only getting 4 'no' answers it has definiately re-enforced my decision!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 110
Well yesterday was hard.. coming to terms with a lot of things. I am so pleased that I found this site, and a special thanks to Sapling for the great links, I feel I have learned a lot already.
I had a very bad nights sleep, with nasty dreams, sweats and needing the loo all the time (I can't understand why when I didn't drink that much fluid yesterday that I needed to go so often!! LOL)
I have woken today with no hangover or anxious feelings, and with the only regret from yesterday that I was a bit short tempered with my daughter and ex boyfriend. However I plan to make amends to them both today, and the sun is out.. so today is going to be another good and sober day!
Happy Sunday everyone, and thanks again x
I had a very bad nights sleep, with nasty dreams, sweats and needing the loo all the time (I can't understand why when I didn't drink that much fluid yesterday that I needed to go so often!! LOL)
I have woken today with no hangover or anxious feelings, and with the only regret from yesterday that I was a bit short tempered with my daughter and ex boyfriend. However I plan to make amends to them both today, and the sun is out.. so today is going to be another good and sober day!
Happy Sunday everyone, and thanks again x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I had days that I was ready to rip somebody's head off.....A little testy in the early days...That's normal and evens out. Your mind and body are going through some major changes....I didn't pick up a drink and I said I'm sorry a lot in early sobriety. Keep moving forward...Don't pick up the first drink....And I'm glad you enjoyed the links.
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