Eliasson

I dont know if I can stay sober, my track record is pretty bad. I always give up. I am feeling overwhelmed today I don't know what's going on. I'm going to 5 meetings a week, meeting with my awesome new sponsor twice a week, reading recovery material, in general doing everything I should be doing. In general I have been feeling pretty positive, but for some reason today I have this sense of impending doom and am literally having a hard time breathing. Making this many huge changes in my life is truly scary. What if I fail again? I feel so alone. I miss my best friend, alcohol. It was the fortress I lived in that protected me from the world and I just don't even know how to live without it. I guess I could just use some encouragement. Thanks.

awuh1

Sounds like you are doing a really good job to me. “Impending doom” and “a hard time breathing” might be an anxiety disorder or even depression. Might be a good idea to have an evaluation of this. If you do, make sure to be honest about the drinking as well as how long you have been sober.

DesperadoBlond

Hi!

Impending doom and hard time breathing. Sounds like the anxiety attacts I used to suffer from when I was in a really stressful job and while I was drinking.

Is your everyday life hectic?

Sapling

Find a new best friend...Try praying. I'll join you.

2granddaughters

I found that making a coffee and sitting with the Big Book soon got me back on track.

Calling a newcomer works wonders too...I have to get out of me.

You can do it, E. we go through these days in the beginning. Take an action and it will go away.

All the best.

Bob R

hypochondriac

Don't doubt yourself Eliasson. When I get worried about if I can do this I find it helps to think about all the people on here who have quit successfully Anything worth doing is not going to be easy x Hope you feel better soon x

Purplecatlover

I had to tell myself, Just because I was, does not mean I'm going to be.

You can do this. We can only get off the merry go round, if we leave the amusement park.
Alcohol is not your friend, it does not help you. It can not protect you. It only seems that way b/c alcohol lies, cheats, steals, kills.
Change has to begin with our thoughts.
You can stay stopped.
Feelings of doom will disappear. But if you drink they will come back tenfold.
You said you've been feeling mostly positive. Don't let one bad down day take you down. It will pass. Tomorrow you will thank yourself.
Hang in there hon. Prayers for you

DesperadoBlond

Wow, that really made my day. I have to leave the amusement park. Yup, I know I do!

Anna

Have you read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It's a memoir by Caroline, a young, high-functioning alcoholic and her love affair with alcohol...and how she broke up. It's the book that made me say to myself 'If she can do it, I can do it'.

Muunray

I read or slept through some rough parts in the beginning to keep myself distracted from thinking so much about it.

sugarbear1

I got stuck there, too, at one point. Today, I have over 11 months.

You CAN do this! Keep trying!!

candie

Hang in there hun, and go to the Docs if your feelings of doom increase

least

I used to think I was hopeless. I was wrong. I didn't give up and now I'm coming up on two and a half years sober. Don't give up!

Your feelings of doom and breathing trouble sounds like what my anxiety feels like to me. See a doctor if it persists.

Raindance

What are some non alcoholic stress relievers you can try? I do yoga, meditation and other exercise.

I have anxiety too. But you have to just try to stay in the now, and not worry about any further ahead than today.

Dee74

Hi Eliasson

I think most of us are scared - alcohol was all I knew. It was what I relied on for 20 years.

For all the damage it did, the thought of it not being there was terrifying. I wasn't sure I had the 'right stuff' to stay sober.

What I didn't realise was that was my addiction too - I'd drunk for so long I had no belief left in myself...no self confidence.

I did have belief in the folks here tho - and they told me I could do this...and so, day by day, I did.

Whenever I'd doubt myself I'd come here for support...

or I'd remember what alcohol really was for me - not a fortress that protected me from the world or an escape...I was never protected...bad things still happened...and I never escaped...I always ended up back in the same place...and so I'd want or 'need' to drink again.

It wasn't a fortress, it was a prison that set me apart from all those I loved, and stopped me growing and becoming all I could be.

D

Eliasson

Thank you to my SR family (and you really have become my family)! I am trying to take deep breaths and to focus on the good things in my sober life. I love how you turned my fortress into a prison, Dee, that has really given me a new perspective on things. I'm so grateful for all the encouragement and support. I will make it through today without picking up a drink, thanks in big part to y'all, and tomorrow will be a new day.

CaiHong

Eiasson
you are going through a difficult time at the moment you will get through this,keep your mind on the big picture this will pass.

Take Care
love
caiHong

foodie1

How are you doing today Eliasson? All I kept thinking when I read through this thread is "this too shall pass," just like CaiHong said. Of course that doesn't remove the impending doom feeling in the moment!

One thing that's helped me is writing in my journal. I have three of them scattered around the house, so wherever I am when I'm feeling sad/mad/curious/dejected/triumphant/whatever there's a safe place for me to vent it out. It also forces me to sit down and focus on what I'm doing, and it usually results in some insight.

Breathe...breathe...did you remember to breathe?

sissy07

Elliasson,

You have so much on your plate, I can understand you wanted some relief. But that relief is another ticket to more unhappiness. Don't give in. You had seven months sobriety....remember when you felt the same way but got through it,. and how good you felt the next day that you didn't? You are doing so well....you really are. Just know that those times are going to come and go, and will eventually become less strong and less frequent. I admire you so much...you deserve to be happy and sober. Love to you.

DisplacedGRITS

The doom feeling is pretty common among nondrinking alcoholics. Dr. Bob even wrote about it. I get that anxious feeling and doom feeling when i get craves. I find distracting myself by reading on SR or just doing something to occupy my mind (heck, even coloring mindlessly sometimes) helps pull my brain out of that circular thinking. Good luck and know that there is no impending doom around the corner. It's just that alcohol craving calling us to oblivion because of a restless mind.