1983ritag

At nine months sober, I feel great physically, somewhat mentally better. Looking from the outside, I see how my life has improved dramatically in so many ways.

Recently, I've been going through some personal issues, also dealing with the grieving process of my mom and grandma that I tried to drink away.

I've been having a lot of cravings lately. Usually they are nonexistent. That little voice chimes in and makes me question my decision to be sober.

I have a great life, and I could make it better. Sometimes it just seems to hard, I get into these self sabotage moods and just want to revert back to my old ways of coping. But I also know where that will lead me.

I've been struggling with depression ever since I stopped drinking. I know I've been through a lot recently, and maybe it's somewhat normal to feel depressed.

I can tell its getting better tho. I feel better than I did a few months ago. I never really had major depression when I was drinking, then again, I probably just drowned it away so I never noticed it.

I don't want to drink again. I think I need to learn healthier ways of coping with stress. Maybe I haven't changed enough in my life. I want to be more than just sober. I want to be happy.

This is all such a huge learning process. It would be dumb to give up now. There is more to life than drugs and alcohol.

I know I need to change something, I'm not sure what though. I think I might check out some aa meetings. I have a tendency to isolate and I think the meetings might help me relate to people with the same problem.


Thanks for listening.

Dee74

hi ritag

I'm really glad you're open to the idea of adding stuff to what you've been doing - I agree that isolation can lead to stagnation and thats not good for anyone, alcoholic or not.

I really hope AA meetings help
D

Eliasson

I so understand how you are feeling, I was feeling the same way after about 7 months of sobriety and that little voice won out. I relapsed. It was not worth the heartache or having to start over after 7 months of hard won sobriety. I tend to isolate, too. I have been making myself attend as many AA meetings as I possibly can since my relapse and am now coming up on a month again. It really does help to be with others who understand and who you can relate to. I've also made a couple good friends already this time around, and the mutual support and encouragement is a blessing in my life.
Don't listen to that little voice! It wants you sick. Check out AA meetings if you can until you find one that you feel comfortable in. It's worth it. 9 months is awesome! Don't throw it away. Thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.

1983ritag

Thanks Dee. What I'm doing now doesn't seem to be effective for the long haul. I don't think it's necessary for me to find a lower bottom either.

1983ritag

Thanks eliasson! I understand how easy it is to go back to old ways. Changing habits and behavior is so hard to do!!!

Leemzer

I agree with D. Maybe AA meetings would help, or outright counseling sessions if that is an option. It sounds like you need a good toolbox full of coping strategies. We sometimes cannot simply pull everything from ourselves, we have to look outside ourselves for help. Your story really impresses me with how you have pounded away and achieved 9 months of sobriety on your own. Your thoughts are cogent and purposeful. I just think you need some boosts elsewhere...sounds like you are actually do a great job, just need a little more. I think you are in a better place than you fear you might be. Check out some meetings, or if AA is not your thing, there are tons of other coping/stress/depression meetings. You might also want to consider talking to your doctor about your depression. Maybe you have been depressed all along, you just were not able to differentiate with your drinking/etc. I say this because I feel the EXACT same way. My mother never drank a DROP of alcohol in all of her 77 years she was alive...yet she was not a happy person and could have been so much happier if she ever considered seeking help for her obvious depression. I think I am the same way. I see myself more and more in her the same way....I just know, at my core, that alcohol is not my only issue...I really do think it is the symptom of something more, and inherited depression is very likely the culprit. But I will never ever be able to tease that out unless I stay sober long enough...sounds like you are reaching that point in your sobriety--that maybe you are realizing there is something more to the way you feel. That is only a good thing. That is self awareness and, ultimately, will lead you to a deeper level of self actualization that I, myself, crave so much. Keep on the road you are traveling but explore these other avenues. You sound open minded to it...I think you have a whole extra dimension of your life to gain. You sound like me--it ain't all alcohol......

Leemzer

I sent you a friend request. I like your vibe and self awareness. That always impresses me in others and motivates me!

Sapling

This could be just what you are missing.

Pigtails

Hi, I just posted something really similar and I know where you're coming from. I don't have any answers but thank you for sharing. I think if you keep exploring yourself and keep pushing through it and trying, you will arrive at the other end. I hope that about myself as well. Best wishes.

1983ritag

Yeah, I'm finding that out about the depression. I realized I needed to stay completely sober in order to find out what my "normal" is. I started taking an antidepressant a few months ago and that has helped a lot. But, aside from just taking a pill, I think I have a lot of work to do myself that will help. I started seeing a counselor again recently and that has helped. It's a long journey of finding out who I really am. It feels good, but boy is it hard sometimes!

Leemzer

Sounds like you have a map, though, and that says a lot! You didn't mention in your first post that you were going to counseling sessions. Group sessions, such as AA or another one of your choice, are very powerful too, to get to experience that human relation amongst the group. I am not personally a member of AA but of course it has changed innumerable lives.

foodie1

Hi ritag, I think you're on the right track with reaching out to AA meetings. If you decide it's not for you after all you can always change tactics. From a fellow isolator, the sense of belonging and unconditional acceptance that AA offers has made all the difference in the world to my recovery. Wishing you all the best!

Sapling

Sounds like the 12 Steps.

1983ritag

I think all of us alchies in the fam are going to hit one up this week. Lol, not all of us, but 3. I talked to my brother and his wife about it today and they want to come along. We've all been to meetings before, just never attended regularly. My knows I'm serious about sobriety these days, so I hope he stays on the same path as well.

Sapling

I'm trying to get my younger brother to go. He keeps trying to do it on his own. He can't. He'll know when the time is right. I hope and pray that it doesn't cost him too much to get there. That's awesome about your brother and his wife...That would be a trip.