Day 0
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 7
Day 0
Hi all,
My name is jayd(not my real name) and I'm a third year law student. I graduate on May 11, and I will sit for the bar on July 24 and 25. By September, I should be licensed to practice law. That's the life goal I have my focus set on right now, and why I've chosen right now to try to get my drinking under control.
I've been very lucky I think that my drinking habits have not hurt anybody or myself very seriously, although I've had some close calls and things I'm ashamed of. I'm well liked and respected among my peers, professors and administrators at my school. I get good grades and will graduate cuum laude...but recently the professor I respect most and my best friend at school separately took me aside to say they were surprised I was not graduating with higher honors. I am a bit disappointed in myself too, and I'm pretty sure I can chalk it up to my drinking problems. The days that I don't have at least a mild hangover in my morning classes are rare. I lose probably 2-3 hours of productivity every day due to drinking as soon as I finish classes for the day.
Tonight was my last drink. I had been talking to my fiancé about trying to taper off and finish the alcohol I had on hand before quitting, but I had a serious conversation with her tonight wherein she said that she was sometimes scared about our future as a result of my drinking habits. Today is our four-year anniversary. I drank the last of what was in my glass and then poured the rest of the bottles down the drain. My drinking has been slowly getting heavier over the last 5 years, but it's really accelerated this year. This last year marked the first time that I started sometimes drinking in the mornings(before my commute to an internship I wasn't fond of). It also marked the first time that I'd drunk an entire bottle(750ml) of scotch in one night. 5 to 8 drinks a night most nights of the week is typical for me. It's very unusual that I'll have less than 3. It's been quite expensive and taken up a lot of time I could have spent improving my mind instead of numbing it.
I never thought about it this way before, but I think that my experience quitting smoking may help me quite a lot in quitting drinking. I quit smoking on November 27, 2010. I'm proud of that, and I learned a lot about myself in that process.
Besides where I am with quitting right now, there are just a couple other things I'd like to mention about myself that are important to understanding who I am and how I got to where I am today. The first is that I'm a survivor of violent childhood sexual assault. I mention that because it had some fairly serious psychological repercussions: depression, light PTSD, social anxiety, general anxiety -- and I overcame all of that through lots of hard work and reflection. The person I am today is very different from the person I was from age 11 through age 20. Today I view my assault as an asset. Because of what happened to me, I am not so afraid of anything or anybody to the point that I can be paralyzed with fear. One of the worst things in the world that can happen to anybody happened to me, and I emerged from the fire. So I'm certainly not afraid of quitting drinking.
The other thing that I'll mention, since I've gotten the impression that a lot of people draw on their faith to help in recovery, is that I do not plan to do so, at least not directly. I no longer believe in God, but I was raised Jewish and still consider myself a Jew notwithstanding my lack of metaphysical faith. Even at my most religious, religion for me has never been about any kind of personal relationship or transcendent experiences. Maybe as I find more hours of clear thought in the evenings, I'll refresh a bit from my Hebrew vocabulary and grammar, and maybe my heritage will help me that way, by giving me intellectual goals. But I will not be praying for strength to a God who I do not believe is there. My strength comes from within myself, and from my friends and family.
That's all I've got for now.
Edit: I think it's hilarious that this forum censored "*** laude." I had to go back and add a second 'u' to get it past the filter.
My name is jayd(not my real name) and I'm a third year law student. I graduate on May 11, and I will sit for the bar on July 24 and 25. By September, I should be licensed to practice law. That's the life goal I have my focus set on right now, and why I've chosen right now to try to get my drinking under control.
I've been very lucky I think that my drinking habits have not hurt anybody or myself very seriously, although I've had some close calls and things I'm ashamed of. I'm well liked and respected among my peers, professors and administrators at my school. I get good grades and will graduate cuum laude...but recently the professor I respect most and my best friend at school separately took me aside to say they were surprised I was not graduating with higher honors. I am a bit disappointed in myself too, and I'm pretty sure I can chalk it up to my drinking problems. The days that I don't have at least a mild hangover in my morning classes are rare. I lose probably 2-3 hours of productivity every day due to drinking as soon as I finish classes for the day.
Tonight was my last drink. I had been talking to my fiancé about trying to taper off and finish the alcohol I had on hand before quitting, but I had a serious conversation with her tonight wherein she said that she was sometimes scared about our future as a result of my drinking habits. Today is our four-year anniversary. I drank the last of what was in my glass and then poured the rest of the bottles down the drain. My drinking has been slowly getting heavier over the last 5 years, but it's really accelerated this year. This last year marked the first time that I started sometimes drinking in the mornings(before my commute to an internship I wasn't fond of). It also marked the first time that I'd drunk an entire bottle(750ml) of scotch in one night. 5 to 8 drinks a night most nights of the week is typical for me. It's very unusual that I'll have less than 3. It's been quite expensive and taken up a lot of time I could have spent improving my mind instead of numbing it.
I never thought about it this way before, but I think that my experience quitting smoking may help me quite a lot in quitting drinking. I quit smoking on November 27, 2010. I'm proud of that, and I learned a lot about myself in that process.
Besides where I am with quitting right now, there are just a couple other things I'd like to mention about myself that are important to understanding who I am and how I got to where I am today. The first is that I'm a survivor of violent childhood sexual assault. I mention that because it had some fairly serious psychological repercussions: depression, light PTSD, social anxiety, general anxiety -- and I overcame all of that through lots of hard work and reflection. The person I am today is very different from the person I was from age 11 through age 20. Today I view my assault as an asset. Because of what happened to me, I am not so afraid of anything or anybody to the point that I can be paralyzed with fear. One of the worst things in the world that can happen to anybody happened to me, and I emerged from the fire. So I'm certainly not afraid of quitting drinking.
The other thing that I'll mention, since I've gotten the impression that a lot of people draw on their faith to help in recovery, is that I do not plan to do so, at least not directly. I no longer believe in God, but I was raised Jewish and still consider myself a Jew notwithstanding my lack of metaphysical faith. Even at my most religious, religion for me has never been about any kind of personal relationship or transcendent experiences. Maybe as I find more hours of clear thought in the evenings, I'll refresh a bit from my Hebrew vocabulary and grammar, and maybe my heritage will help me that way, by giving me intellectual goals. But I will not be praying for strength to a God who I do not believe is there. My strength comes from within myself, and from my friends and family.
That's all I've got for now.
Edit: I think it's hilarious that this forum censored "*** laude." I had to go back and add a second 'u' to get it past the filter.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
welcome to SR Jay 
There's a lot of different methods at play here on the site - some of our members use a faith based recovery, or or based on the 12 steps - others do not
I recommend you also visit our Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach
D
There's a lot of different methods at play here on the site - some of our members use a faith based recovery, or or based on the 12 steps - others do not
I recommend you also visit our Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach
D
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
Welcome Jayd. There are a lot of people on this site who have come to terms with alcoholism using different methods. In essence they dont care which way you choose, as long as you choose to get better. They will all have wise things to say to you.
You have made the biggest step, by accepting you have a problem.
We all do that.
Once you have made the acceptance, the rest is easier (not easy, just easier).
The past you have come to terms with, you recognise that booze has taken a better grade from you. You are young enough to put that behind you in the future.
Whilst some will take a religious route here, don't worry, that is the way they get sober, and sober is how we want to see you.
Whatever works
Billy (oddly enough not my real name either)
oh, and the filters amuse us Brits, we can get our UK swear words through them, but words that are perfectly normal to us , sometimes get filtered out.
Enjoy your recovery, it is a wonderful thing.
You have made the biggest step, by accepting you have a problem.
We all do that.
Once you have made the acceptance, the rest is easier (not easy, just easier).
The past you have come to terms with, you recognise that booze has taken a better grade from you. You are young enough to put that behind you in the future.
Whilst some will take a religious route here, don't worry, that is the way they get sober, and sober is how we want to see you.
Whatever works
Billy (oddly enough not my real name either)
oh, and the filters amuse us Brits, we can get our UK swear words through them, but words that are perfectly normal to us , sometimes get filtered out.
Enjoy your recovery, it is a wonderful thing.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 300
Welcome Jayd,
I am on Day 4 not drinking and have found reading the material on this site a great support. Posting here takes what I'm doing out of a vague, intentional desire and makes it a reality to me.
We have a lot in common. I too have not found myself in any majorly disastrous situations (although how I avoided losing my licence is a miracle). But do we have to be rolling in the gutter to wake up and realise that that is only becoming an ever-more likely possibility if we continue on this path?
I also am not a religious person, I have been doing some research into AVRT which maybe something that you could utilise in your quest to change your behaviour. I have nothing against aa but I think that in order to be successful in quitting the booze I have to feel authentic to myself doing so. A higher power etc. is just not how I view the world but good luck to those who can and succeed. I hope you find this forum as useful as I do.
Like you, I feel regret that I didn't do better in college. While to others it appears I DID do well I know in my heart I was capable of much, much more. So I ask myself do I want this mediocrity to continue? I don't is the answer. Sounds like you're feeling the same. So all the above, coupled with an unarguable physical toll means that we're here for similar reasons. I hope I don't sound like a know-it-all but I'm trying to reassure you. I regard my 4 Days of sobriety as just a tiny, fragile, precious entity which I must protect so that I can look back in weeks, months, years from now and marvel at how I began.
Keep us posted!
I am on Day 4 not drinking and have found reading the material on this site a great support. Posting here takes what I'm doing out of a vague, intentional desire and makes it a reality to me.
We have a lot in common. I too have not found myself in any majorly disastrous situations (although how I avoided losing my licence is a miracle). But do we have to be rolling in the gutter to wake up and realise that that is only becoming an ever-more likely possibility if we continue on this path?
I also am not a religious person, I have been doing some research into AVRT which maybe something that you could utilise in your quest to change your behaviour. I have nothing against aa but I think that in order to be successful in quitting the booze I have to feel authentic to myself doing so. A higher power etc. is just not how I view the world but good luck to those who can and succeed. I hope you find this forum as useful as I do.
Like you, I feel regret that I didn't do better in college. While to others it appears I DID do well I know in my heart I was capable of much, much more. So I ask myself do I want this mediocrity to continue? I don't is the answer. Sounds like you're feeling the same. So all the above, coupled with an unarguable physical toll means that we're here for similar reasons. I hope I don't sound like a know-it-all but I'm trying to reassure you. I regard my 4 Days of sobriety as just a tiny, fragile, precious entity which I must protect so that I can look back in weeks, months, years from now and marvel at how I began.
Keep us posted!
Computer Experiment..Gone Bad!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Belize
Posts: 59
Hi Jay, First and most important is you found this site, 
I can relate to to your functioning drinking habits as I was the same through out my school years, I also past with good grades but not excellent as they could have been. One bit of honesty came from the support here, "addiction is very inpatient to get its next drink/fix but it is very patient in its ability to slowly rob you of your productivity and potential. More on the “thief” later....
Tapering off has never worked for anyone I know including myself. Congrats on your last drink! It is not easy but well worth it. I am no doctor, but no legal fine print that you can barely read, the bold print is “if you plan to go cold turkey seek medical advise as the shock to your system effects everyone differently and it is best to be safe.” With that said, after a few days of detoxification you will start to feel better every day. If you don't or have concerns, again see a professional.
I also overcame some serious childhood abuse. It has motivated me to be the best I could be but as you know we can not erase the past, we can only look to the future and rise above it. Same goes for addiction, can not erase or change what we have done but we can rise above it!
I could not recover with faith alone. I needed intelligent logical facts to help me understand what happened and what the future would be without drinking. RR/AVRT was the most logical course for me. For you it may be different but the main point is what ever works for you is best as long as it works.
Keep us posted!
BD
I can relate to to your functioning drinking habits as I was the same through out my school years, I also past with good grades but not excellent as they could have been. One bit of honesty came from the support here, "addiction is very inpatient to get its next drink/fix but it is very patient in its ability to slowly rob you of your productivity and potential. More on the “thief” later....
Tapering off has never worked for anyone I know including myself. Congrats on your last drink! It is not easy but well worth it. I am no doctor, but no legal fine print that you can barely read, the bold print is “if you plan to go cold turkey seek medical advise as the shock to your system effects everyone differently and it is best to be safe.” With that said, after a few days of detoxification you will start to feel better every day. If you don't or have concerns, again see a professional.
I also overcame some serious childhood abuse. It has motivated me to be the best I could be but as you know we can not erase the past, we can only look to the future and rise above it. Same goes for addiction, can not erase or change what we have done but we can rise above it!
I could not recover with faith alone. I needed intelligent logical facts to help me understand what happened and what the future would be without drinking. RR/AVRT was the most logical course for me. For you it may be different but the main point is what ever works for you is best as long as it works.
Keep us posted!
BD
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome Jayd!
I'm glad you recognize that you want and need to live your life without alcohol. It also sounds like you have a lot of inner strength as a result of the sexual assault you mentioned. How wonderful to turn something horrible into a positive thing in your life.
If I can offer one bit of advice, I would say that stopping drinking is the beginning of the journey and you may need to make some changes in your life to support your recovery.
I'm glad you recognize that you want and need to live your life without alcohol. It also sounds like you have a lot of inner strength as a result of the sexual assault you mentioned. How wonderful to turn something horrible into a positive thing in your life.
If I can offer one bit of advice, I would say that stopping drinking is the beginning of the journey and you may need to make some changes in your life to support your recovery.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Welcome Jayd. I would agree that AVRT might be something that could be useful to you. I am glad you are here. You will never regret quitting
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
Hurray! What a great post. I am so glad you poured it down the drain and have support from your lady friend to keep on heading for health and sanity.
I'd encourage you to form a support plan: MD visit, whatever they recommend, counseling if possible, group, AA, AVRT, Something! Don't just gutball it on your own. That really does make it seem impossible.
Best wishes to you for a bright future of clear minded health.
I'd encourage you to form a support plan: MD visit, whatever they recommend, counseling if possible, group, AA, AVRT, Something! Don't just gutball it on your own. That really does make it seem impossible.
Best wishes to you for a bright future of clear minded health.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
Welcome!
I can relate to your drinking behavior, mine picked up in graduate school. I also did very well in school, but I was young and the body's ability to recover from nightly alcohol abuse is pretty amazing. Being able to put away an entire fifth of booze, and drinking in the morning are major concerns. I'm an alcoholic, but I didn't do that at your age. Alcoholism is progressive, and it's only going to get worse if you keep it up. I knew I had a problem when I finished graduate school but it took me another 20 years to do something about it. I hope you are able to conquer this now.
I can relate to your drinking behavior, mine picked up in graduate school. I also did very well in school, but I was young and the body's ability to recover from nightly alcohol abuse is pretty amazing. Being able to put away an entire fifth of booze, and drinking in the morning are major concerns. I'm an alcoholic, but I didn't do that at your age. Alcoholism is progressive, and it's only going to get worse if you keep it up. I knew I had a problem when I finished graduate school but it took me another 20 years to do something about it. I hope you are able to conquer this now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Congratulations,
Yes, you are ahead of the game. Before you can ruin your relationships, ruin your nascent career, and suffer far more loss than a "mere" *** laude. Read these forums and you will soon see how lucky you are.
BUT! Know that no matter how horrible another's story, we are no different...
I am a "high bottom" abuser as well. Big deal. Whether we drive a Bentley or a shopping cart, we are members of the same fraternity.
I would say you, like me, are an alcoholic. And I almost never got drunk. But, my opinion doesn't matter. In any event, you would seem extremely high risk. Few of us here spared ourselves the wreckage. You have a chance...
Best to you,
warren
Yes, you are ahead of the game. Before you can ruin your relationships, ruin your nascent career, and suffer far more loss than a "mere" *** laude. Read these forums and you will soon see how lucky you are.
BUT! Know that no matter how horrible another's story, we are no different...
I am a "high bottom" abuser as well. Big deal. Whether we drive a Bentley or a shopping cart, we are members of the same fraternity.
I would say you, like me, are an alcoholic. And I almost never got drunk. But, my opinion doesn't matter. In any event, you would seem extremely high risk. Few of us here spared ourselves the wreckage. You have a chance...
Best to you,
warren
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome jayd!
I couldn't imagine giving up alcohol, but as I found out, what I was really giving up was a lot of depression and anxiety, and those wasted morning hours. Once I got sober, I realized I was functioning nearly as well as I thought.
Congratulations on making a great decision!
I couldn't imagine giving up alcohol, but as I found out, what I was really giving up was a lot of depression and anxiety, and those wasted morning hours. Once I got sober, I realized I was functioning nearly as well as I thought.
Congratulations on making a great decision!
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