hypochondriac

First of all I have to say I AM NOT GOING TO DRINK, no way etc etc...

But damn it this got hard. I wasn't expecting it to be easy, in fact I thought the first few weeks would be harder than they were, but my mind is really pissing me off right now.

I have told a few family members that I am an alcoholic and no longer drink. They have been supportive but have said they 'don't really understand it', 'isn't it just a matter of willpower', 'but you never drink during the day', 'you don't drink that much really', 'last time we went out I drank more than you' etc...

I have argued my case and I am grateful for their support despite their doubts, but my mind has been going crazy and my 'cravings' have gone through the roof, as I had expected them to really because by 'coming out' I've completely closed the door on alcohol. But now I'm having these doubts, maybe I wasn't that bad etc..

I feel strong in my decision and have no intention of drinking. I'm incredibly grateful that I've broken that cycle and this really is the best thing that's happened to me... but I was wondering if anyone else had experienced a similar thing - basically people doubting their alcoholism and trying to persuade them that they're normal...

Mo S

YAAAAAH! Been there!
What does your program of recovery consist of? if AA its time to use the tools: meetings, sponsor, phone numbers. If you are using a different program; use those toolsH.ope you arent taking the "solo" approach. Above all; my suggestion would be not to isolate with your thoughts. WE are indeed our own worst enemy when it comes to our alcoholic thinking. Good you reached out here. I wish you all the best.

hypochondriac

Thanks Mo S. I'm using AVRT so far so will be between my RR book and SR tonight I know where my nearest AA meeting is too should I decide to go down that route x

SOBERINNEPA

Selective memory is a bad, bad thing. I try to remember the awful circumstances of the drunk that convinced me I needed rehab, That helps.

The one thing that really helps is something my therapist told me. He said, if I ever feel like I'm going to drink, think of the one thing I'm grateful to have and I won't drink. When I'm in a rough patch, I find it's helpful to reflect on the things that I'm grateful for and how I'll probably end up destroying them if I start to drink again.

I hope this helps.

aasharon90

Cunning Baffling Powerful. That's what Alcoholism
is and always will be. It loves to play with our
minds and catch us when we r vunerable anytime,
any place, anywheres.

My family still to this day believes my alcoholism
is all in my head and that ive use it as a crutch and
attention getter.

I tried so many yrs. explaining what my alcoholism
was and is all about to only get frustrated and worn
out, till NO MORE.

Ive learned in recovery, i cant change people nor
what they think. They are intitle to their own opinions
and that ok with me today.

Today, i dont have to prove myself to no one but
myself and the Man upstairs. And because I have
a firm foundation of recovery built to live my life
on, I am at peace of who and what I am. Happy,
Joyous and Free in recovery.

jobei

Hey Hypo...! I think many of us go through this quite often. I like what SOBBERINPA posted about selective memory. Now that you're starting to get past the booze your mind is thinking about the "positive" aspects of drinking... easy to forget all the negative ones. Try to think of those... the things that convinced you to quit. Also how many of them are gone when you are not drinking. I know it's easier said than done... take care of yourself today and stay with us here a while.

Anna

I didn't tell people I was stopping drinking and I sure did not want to have to defend my need to do so. I wouldn't have had the strength at that point. So, I did it quietly.

GerandTwine

Take a few deep breaths while you think to yourself you're going to try to hold your breath for 60 seconds. Then look at a second hand and start holding and counting. By the time you get to about 30 seconds, you're going to begin to feel some anxiety that maybe you shouldn't have planned to hold it so long, Maybe you should have decided to hold it for only 45 seconds. The feeling of anxiety will soon begin to increase geometrically as your body signals you that something very wrong is happening. "Give me some oxygen!!!" The sensation you are getting is not really pain. It's a profound anxiety and a hyper-focus on your diaphragm because it's not working (you told it to stop for a moment).

Well, of course you decided to start breathing again, however long you may have held your breath. By the time you were on your third refreshing deep breath - you were thinking, OHhhh, that feels SOOooo good.

There is a part of you that feels exactly the same way about missing the sensation of being high on alcohol as you just experienced about oxygen. It just takes longer to kick in, but it can be very persistent and yearns for that deep pleasure from booze that is OHhhh SOOooo good. It's a sign of health that you are able to habituate to pleasurable sensations. But the pleasure from alcohol and the consequences of drunkenness can overwhelm the lifestyles of millions of people to the point of causing them to decide to abstain for good as you have done.

The only articulated recovery program I know of that compliments your making a personal oath to become a teetotaler forever is Rational Recovery's AVRT. Other program techniques may be learned, but they will not make it easier. They will cause you to spend more time at dealing with your memories of the old pleasure. That is not bad, dangerous, or even inadvisable, but it is definitely not necessary. In fact, If you think about it and know that your personal oath is indestructible, then you don't even have to learn AVRT, your thinking will eventually, by trial and error (not the error of drinking, just the error of unnecessary thinking), naturally create some thought patterns similar to AVRT, but not necessarily using AVRT jargon.

AVRT helps abstinent people bypass this trial and error-of-thinking process, and get right to the point of addressing the residual desire.

MarkstheSpot

Hey Hypo, it's a ballache, but I understand it because...

1.) You were good at hiding the extent of your problem in the first place. It's like when they arrest the serial killer who lived next door and all his neighbours exclaim, 'But he always so nice.' I'm not sure that analogy holds water. Moving on...

2.) They're your friends. They don't want stuff to be bad for you. If you say to your friend, 'Look at this awful spot on my nose,' how are they going to react? 'Yes, ew, it's horrible.' No, they'll tell you it really doesn't look that bad. Same with drink.

3.) You're holding a mirror up to them. How many of us have told someone about our drinking and got a, 'Yeah, I really must cut down myself,' in response. I swear to God the first thing they think about is their own alcoholic intake, and the conclusion they reach is, 'I'm not that bad.' Which means you can't be either.

4.) You don't smell of wee.


.

LoftyIdeals

I'm with Anna, hypo. I had a lot of "friends" family and associates who thought they knew me better than I knew myself. Some were really just lamenting the loss of a drinking partner.

One piece of advice, though. I remember the propensity and desire to come clean with everyone and announce I'm an alcoholic. It felt, somehow, like I was doing some sort of good deed, or quelling any question in their mind. Or, that I was announcing, "stay away from me, I have a disease and need my space". There were bits of truth to each of those, depending on the person. But, in reality, most didn't give a damn.

As far as those who question whether you are or not? Be careful you don't listen to them. You could convince yourself. Also, you'd better believe that some of them, the first time they saw you drunk again, would say to themselves or each other, man, he's an alcoholic. It's weird how the mind works that way, by the power of suggestion.

So...the fact that this has gotten hard? It sounds like you are realizing sobriety, and not just "not drinking". No offense, but sobriety is like happiness. It alights upon you on its schedule, not necessarily your own. But, when its here, you suddenly realize, "hey! this ain't so bad!" The changes and realizations don't always make it easier, though.

Hang in there, and thanks for sharing!

Dee74

some good advice here H.

I doubted I was an alcoholic - even after nearly dying through my drinking I doubted I was an alcoholic...

I was a rationaliser of olympic proportions.

'sure that fall was dangerous but hey I'm disabled I fall anyway....sure I drink a lot but it's just to fill my days til I find something...everyone I know drinks hard...I just need the stuff for stress/pain relief - & I hate Drs what do they know?'

All my friends the hard drinkers didn't think I had a problem - the more astute of them thought I should 'just cut back'...

my family refused to acknowledge I had a problem at all...they still do.

But I knew.

I feel my recovery lies on me accepting my addiction, not on other people understanding - it might be easier for sure, but it's not necessary.

Thats why we have places like this

I knew I was sick and I knew I was tired...I felt like a drowning man...

I knew there was a better life for me, a better me even, if I could leave alcohol behind...

and I'm living that dream now - I think we both are Hypo

prettydisaster

Been there! Actually there again. I get the same thing, you're 23, you're supposed to drink, it's college, you don't get out of hand, you don't get the shakes, you don't drink everyday... The thing is when you can't stop after starting or the notion of only having one is a concept you can't apply to yourself, you know there is a problem. It's hard for people to understand because they can't conceive how it isn't as simple as to choose to or not to. I personally feel alcoholism is as much of a disease as diabetes or cancer. Try explaining it as a sickness and maybe they will be more able to understand.

IslandGirl1203

I went through the same thing, I am very new to this and have recently admitted that i am an alcoholic (I was a highly functional one), I've been sober about 3 weeks. I haven't shared this w/ anyone but my husband. I called my close friend yesterday to talk to her (she asked that I call her bc she was wondering why we werent going to our usual fancy dinners w/ wine of course...I finally had the courage to share "this" with her and she said "no, no way...not you of all people, you have accomplished so much in life" ..."how could this be" and said " you've got this under control, and chuckled and kinda like blew me off ...she has no idea how difficult this is for me ........urrgghhh this really upset me. She was in denial for me, unbelieveable after sharing such a sacred conversation with her that was her response. Even your friends will make you think you are not an alcoholic.......unbelievable.

Bruno1979

Dunner do it duck!

Ha, I'm only joking Hypo, I keep thinking how good I am going to feel in the morning when I wake up sober, that keeps me strong. For now anyway.

:day6

IslandGirl1203

I hear ya Bruno...that thought alone (of waking up in the mornings feeling awesome) is enough to keep me sober...I definitely charish my mornings.... (hungover free)

hypochondriac

Thanks for your responses, I've actually used the time between posting and now to tell one more person...It has consolidated it for me. The wave of panic I've had the past few days was necessary I think. If I had kept this to myself I would have probably let those voices get to me eventually. I really want this to be it for me. I have a tendency to look on the negative side and I had worked myself up imagining my family giving me a hard time for not drinking, now they can't or they look bad, haha But they totally don't understand, this is the only reason I would really consider AA GerandTwine, the company of other alcoholics. Telling my family has made me realise how little people who haven't been obsessing over this for years actually understand. I will not be telling anyone else.

This can be as hard as it likes now, I won't be doubting myself again.

MTS...How do you know I don't smell of wee?

Thanks all x

hypochondriac

And thanks for the responses that came in while I was writing my last post...

prettydisaster, I was 23 when I first told someone I thought I had a drinking problem, though I know I knew long before that. Like everyone I think, I wish I had done something about it then. Stick with it x

eJoshua

ABSOLUTELY!

This is one of the reasons I believe it's crucial to our recovery to have the regular support of fellow addicts or alcoholics. I really needed face to face support in addition to the support I find here. 90% of the world just doesn't get it, despite good intentions and best wishes.

artsoul

This was in your very first post: I don't think social drinkers go through this...... The problem with other people's opinions (and I've experience the same thing you have) is that they don't see the full extent of it - they don't have to live inside our heads.

One of the best days of my life was when I first realized I'd gone all day without thinking about a drink. Trust yourself (just like you are)!

GerandTwine

Hypo,

About your several posts in this thread, using the filter of AVRT, it was interesting for me to recognize what sentences were all you, which were your Addictive Voice (AV), and which are not so obviously your AV. The basic tool being - any thought or feeling that suggests, or even implies that your commitment to abstinence is conditional upon something else is your AV.

Someone learning AVRT will often discover the existence of the AV in other people as they understand some of the reactions from those who have learned about his or her new found abstinence.

Also, question the term "alcoholic". If you know you will never drink alcohol again, what is the purpose of identifying as an "alcoholic"? (see ACTION no. 1. on p. 46 of RR:TNC)(Also see the second bullet point on p.86, the first page of Chapter 5.)