hope73

I'm going to end up running my boyfriend off who has been clean for 15 months...
I am angry a lot & I can't control it. Or maybe I can i just don't know how..
I am unemployed right now...22 days clean from alcohol/pills...I don't feel any better than I did when I was drinking & I feel like I am under his control for some reason I guess bc he's paying the bills.
It just doesn't feel right. He says I am so mean & he's trying to help me then "why do I even try... They're not even my bills.' Sh*t like that. I guess I am so used to being independent & it's killing me that I know at any minute he can just decide not to pay my car payment, etc.
I love him, but I feel he should know the emotions I am going through. I am not really involved consistently with a program. I get on here and read and have been to a couple of meetings.. He hasn't gone to any for almost a year and all the sudden he wants to go bc our neighbor goes to one up the street. I didn't go. Not ready for the neighborhood to know all my crap, but of course he comes home. I ask how the meeting was. He says it was great. He learned a lot about manipulation, etc. basically saying my meanness is manipulation. WHAT? Then we argue. Did they teach him to not argue with a newly sober person. I am irrational and I just want to say "F*ck it Honda, come get your car."
I don't know... I'm ranting. Sorry. I hope it's okay to do that on here!

sugarbear1

Just suggestions or something to think about here.

Pick a program, any program. If you are unemployed, you have the time to heal and to work that program. I was given 10 months of unemployment and I had the time to heal. I had the time to work on myself. I worked a program of recovery. For the last month, I've gotten back into a field (my field of expertise) which I hadn't been in for 11+ years.

I just suggest you turn this into an opportunity to heal and to get happy. Emotions are all over the place in early recovery and can get worse if not treated by a program. Either get to a meeting or get into AVRT or do something. Sobriety is an action. Do something different than you were doing. Maybe even join Al Anon to learn to deal with your bf, even though he's sober now. It does help.

Something has to change for ya! I know it will get better, but it's up to you to make it happen. I can totally relate to the independent woman and other stuff you are going through. I've been there!

I wish you well!
Hugs,

IndaMiricale

Yes vent away

Sounds like your just in a place at the beginning of sobriety. And in a relationship at the same time. So hard , my heart is there for you. If you can just keep your mind on the big picture which is you . And thing happen but the key thing is if your doing the next right thing the other things are just meant to be.

As far as going to a meeting and people knowing your "baggage" thats all up to you. You dont have to share anything you dont want. But by going you might find that comfort from only people like us know.

Best wishes hang in there and keep coming here.

Good love, Inda

stairs

Hi hope,

Yes, it's ok to rant.

22 days is wonderful!! Congratulations.



Can you go out to a meeting by yourself?

sugarbear1

I suggest sharing in a general way what is going on at a meeting. Find a sponsor and a small network to share what is really going on. There is a difference!

hope73

Thanks for the kind words.
I have to start working soon. I don't have the luxury he had of rehab for 28 days and IOP. I have the weight of finding something soon AND deal with recovery. I guess a lot of people do, but my coping skills suck. Probably why I stareted numbing out in the first place...

Yes, I can go by myself and should. I just don't FEEL like it. I feel like a brat by saying that, but I something just pulls at me not to go...I have to fight it. but I worked out this morning then went for a run with the dogs on the lake...I'm trying to enjoy this pretty weather. Plus, he says I am isolating..I think it's called depression and I am trying to get out and do things. Then I ride past a patio...That was my favorite thing in spring..Patio happy hour.
I have a Thursday Celebrate Recovery meeting I am going to do. Thanks for reiterating the fact that I have to work a program..Feels better coming from you all (than someone I am in a relationship with...Why?)

eJoshua

If you can't vent on the internet then I don't know what else it's good for!

Congrats on 22 days! Meetings might not be a bad idea. Sometimes it helps to express your frustrations to people in person.

FlyerFan

I agree, you have to try to work together in this. If you argue it will only make things worse, try to sit down and talk things out rationally. And a program will help as well.