Dark days, seeking escape!
 

Hi All,

I wanted to join this forum after doing some "googling" around at work today, most of my queries brought me to threads from this site. I had been searching for others who had drank heavily for 10+ years, as I have. I'm 30 yrs old, never had a drink in my life before I was 19 1/2, in Mexico. I had always been kind of shy around new people and decided to get drunk at a club down there, must say was one of the funnest nights of my life... since then, alcohol became a liquid courage on the weekends at parties or out bar hopping. Quickly made friends who like to drink as much as me.

In the last decade, I have been divorced, lost several long term relationships and also had 2 run ins with domestic violence, not violent crimes - but bad fighting due to being so waisted. No DUI's amazingly, no bar fights or even really one night stands. I used to go out and spend too much, after being in serious relationships, I'd just stay home - ignore my wife/girlfriend, drink and play video games online... I know, not the best life - but cheaper than $60+ bar tabs and less likely to drive.

Well after my last break-up, I have kind of gone off the deep end and instead of going on a binge, say every 3-4 days... it's been more like 10-12 beers a night with brief one day breaks.. I try to convince myself to at least wait until the weekend, easy to say when you wake up hung over... by the time I'm about to get off work I feel ok again and battle with myself/mind driving home whether I should stop and get beer, or sit at my apartment alone and be bored watching netflix? So, I always end up pulling over and saying eff it, I'll quit next week and that somehow makes me think it's ok. Well, for the last 6 months it been that and I'm really starting to worry about my health, knowing I've been drinking pretty heavily for 10 years now..

I want to quit completely. Just seeking advice of people who have had the same mental battles of drinking vs not drinking and how they win those battles, everyday? I may be a little physically addicted, but don't notice any major withdrawal symptoms other than some anxiety and irritability. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!! :)

Welcome:
I found sobriety in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

Welcome to SR!

The book Alcoholics Anonymous is online, also in an audio version online. Take a read.

AVRT is also popular as a method of recovery.

Glad you are here!

Welcome to SR Spybee007. I'm 30 and have been drinking for 10+ years and am 6 weeks sober :)

I did this battle for years. And I was always quitting next week...for like 3 years, argh! Coming here was really the turning point for me :) I had to remove the option of drinking completely and not engage in that debate. Giving up drinking for me has been the easiest and the hardest thing I've ever done. AVRT helped me, as did things like 'thinking the drink through' and staying close to SR.

Glad you're here :)

Welcome Spybee007 :)

Support was very important to me - it meant a lot to me to know I wasn't alone, that I had people to share with, people who understood and could advise me...

Whether you find that at AA, or something else like SMART or in the books of Rational Recovery or counselling, or just right here at SR or whatever...I think coming here is a good first step.

good to have you with us :)

:welcome to the family!:) I'm glad you found us - we're a very supportive lot.:hug:

Welcome Spybee007
 

Reading your post brought back memories. I was in my early thirties when I had what I hope was my last drink. Like 2granddaughters, I found sobriety in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I went to A.A. meetings, read the Big Book, got a sponsor, worked the steps and got a service commitment. That's what worked for me. I hope you find what works for you.

Peace

Welcome Spybee.

Welcome! How to win the battles depends on what you are up against. You may have to surround yourself with new, positive people or change up your routine - I can think of lots of options besides drinking beer or netflix, how about exercise or visit friends (hopefully ones that are sober or don't drink much.) You also may need to seek out treatment or AA. Do you have a doctor you can ask for a referral? As for AA, you could try showing up at a meeting, just to see what it's about.

Hey Spybee,

I'm only on Day 3 so I'm not gonna pretend I'm as knowledgeable as the others round here but I can relate to that mental battle you've been having with yourself. What I can say is that since I began posting here I've (a) experienced amazing support (b) articulated in black and white my innermost fears and thus acknowledged them (c) understood from reading other people's stories that there is nothing special about my problem - all the negatives are pretty much universal (d) made a commitment by posting regularly to engage with my problem and do something about it.
WELCOME!

Yup
:)

Another vote for AA...I see something that's working for people...People that are happy with long term sobriety...That had me written all over it. I'm glad I went.

Hey All - First let me say, thanks so much for the support and responses.. I greatly appreciate that.

Update; I have been sober for 2 days now.. Yes, it's been super hard getting off work and not getting beer, seems so boring and depressing. I've downloaded some good movies and notice if I can make it not drinking from the time I get home (around 6pm) to around 9pm, after that I don't crave it.. weird I know. Also, the weekend is coming up and I know that will be tougher to handle. I'm thinking about going fly fishing or spending time at the parent's house to keep busy and out away from the apartment or as I know it my private pub.

No physical symptoms so far, I am a little down and irritable, still partly cloudy in my mind. I don't wake up with side pain and physically feeling a lot better!

I know AA was mentioned a lot, is something I don't want to do if I don't have to.. I hate obligations for some reason and I remember when I was going before, was getting pressured to come every night.. just can't do that, maybe once a week would be good. The other aspect is the religious part, It felt like I was at church.. maybe was the particular group I was at.. I heard someone in here say there was an AA more geared for the Athiest/Agnostic/non-religious crowd.. might have to look into that for Denver area.

Anyways, until then I'm happy coming to this site and staying inspired thanks to all the good people on here :)

It sounds like you're doing well, and there is lots of support here. :)

Planning ahead for the weekend is a great idea. I did that a lot and it really helped. And, the early evening time was the worst for me too. I started taking long walks after supper and it helped in so many ways. I relaxed, paid attention to my surroundings and the beauty around me. Often my husband would come along and we could talk without interruption. :)