Worn out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 440
Worn out
Yes, I'm definitely worn out. For the last week, I've done nothing but just stay in bed and drink. Not eating anything, except munching on some cheerios and taco chips.
Feeling so lonely in this. Even my parents don't understand. At the weekends, they pour me a glass or two of wine. And of course, being an alcoholic, I take it.
I still have about two boxes of wine and a bottle of vodka in my apartment. But I... I've realized how fu**ed up this is becoming. It's deteriorating. It's progressive and I've definitely felt the kindling phenomenon. Every withdrawal just gets worse day by day. I need to be fixed.
Had a doctor's appointment last week. I brought two pages of notes with me describing my overall situation. What happened? Nothing. Not that I expected it to, knowing the way my sh..ty doctor is. Like an artificial tree in a forest, he doesn't soak up any information, and doesn't contribute to anything. Oh, how I love his smirky smile, kinda saying "I'm better than you, so you just listen to me".
So I'm taking it to the next and final form, an acute detox at the hospital. If that doesn't work, well then someone address a bullet to my temple.
When I post, I usually think my posts out thoroughly, but this was written about two minutes. Guess it reflects my real feelings.
Feeling so lonely in this. Even my parents don't understand. At the weekends, they pour me a glass or two of wine. And of course, being an alcoholic, I take it.
I still have about two boxes of wine and a bottle of vodka in my apartment. But I... I've realized how fu**ed up this is becoming. It's deteriorating. It's progressive and I've definitely felt the kindling phenomenon. Every withdrawal just gets worse day by day. I need to be fixed.
Had a doctor's appointment last week. I brought two pages of notes with me describing my overall situation. What happened? Nothing. Not that I expected it to, knowing the way my sh..ty doctor is. Like an artificial tree in a forest, he doesn't soak up any information, and doesn't contribute to anything. Oh, how I love his smirky smile, kinda saying "I'm better than you, so you just listen to me".
So I'm taking it to the next and final form, an acute detox at the hospital. If that doesn't work, well then someone address a bullet to my temple.
When I post, I usually think my posts out thoroughly, but this was written about two minutes. Guess it reflects my real feelings.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I think the detox is very important...I think what you do after it is more important....Get into a program and put your life into it...While you still have one. I'm glad to see you getting to the point you've had enough...It's a gift....The gift of desperation.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Originally Posted by Polaroid 
Had a doctor's appointment last week. I brought two pages of notes with me describing my overall situation. What happened? Nothing. Not that I expected it to, knowing the way my sh..ty doctor is. Like an artificial tree in a forest, he doesn't soak up any information, and doesn't contribute to anything. Oh, how I love his smirky smile, kinda saying "I'm better than you, so you just listen to me".
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: North America
Posts: 1,628
Take the anger you feel towards that worthless government doctor and channel it into your recovery efforts...and keep posting. You will find a lot of good advice and usefull expereinces on this site that you can learn from.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
I hope the detox helps you Polaroid.
I'd probably look for a new Dr too - and a support network...I reached the point where I realised it can't go on like this - it too a lot of work but I turned things around...I hope you can make this your turning point too.
being an alcoholic in recovery, I wouldn't.
I fully believe you can get to that point too Polaroid
D
I'd probably look for a new Dr too - and a support network...I reached the point where I realised it can't go on like this - it too a lot of work but I turned things around...I hope you can make this your turning point too.
At the weekends, they pour me a glass or two of wine. And of course, being an alcoholic, I take it.
I fully believe you can get to that point too Polaroid
D
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Sounds like its finally time, Polaroid. We all had to get to the point where we finally said, "Enough" ... and mean it. Get to that hospital detox as fast as you can and get going on your recovery. You'll be glad you did.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Polaroid.
I like what Sapling said about the gift of desperation. Yes grab the bull by the horns, start rehab, keep close to this website and get your life back.
Take charge of your life, you know what to do. We are here to support you in your decision to get sober.
All the best
caiHong
I like what Sapling said about the gift of desperation. Yes grab the bull by the horns, start rehab, keep close to this website and get your life back.
Take charge of your life, you know what to do. We are here to support you in your decision to get sober.
All the best
caiHong
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,519
Polaroid - It needed to get to this point for you to take action. I muddled along for decades just one step ahead of total disaster. It finally found me, though - and I was almost twice your age when my world collapsed. Be glad that you are ready, willing & able to stop this disease in it's tracks and reclaim your life.
Be proud of yourself for taking action and seeing what needs to be done. You can leave these old, miserable days behind. We're with you, and we know you can do it.
Be proud of yourself for taking action and seeing what needs to be done. You can leave these old, miserable days behind. We're with you, and we know you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Polaroid
Had a doctor's appointment last week. I brought two pages of notes with me describing my overall situation. What happened? Nothing. Not that I expected it to, knowing the way my sh..ty doctor is. Like an artificial tree in a forest, he doesn't soak up any information, and doesn't contribute to anything. Oh, how I love his smirky smile, kinda saying "I'm better than you, so you just listen to me".
Good luck in detox, that will get you on the path to sobriety. You sound just like me when I came into AA.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 440
Thanks for your replies, everyone ... and apologies for the aggressive tone in my original post.
I'm definitely not looking forward to a second hospital stay. That last time I just felt real uncomfortable with all those cords attached to me. That's not the only reason I chose to leave after one night though, it was mostly because I just wanted to go home to hit the bottle again.
That was a little over a month ago, but now I'm seriously done procrastinating, this can't go on anymore. I hang my head in shame every time I go to the liquor store. They have a tally of an entire two cashiers there, who have seen me more often than they should. One of them, I can almost see it in her eyes she feels like she needs to do an intervention, but that's not her job. Her job is to sell me whatever I pick up.
Also, I'll share a story if you don't mind.
Years back, before I was born, my dad was imprisoned for about 2 months for drunk driving in his 20s. He drove off a steep cliff right into a deep sea inlet. He managed to get out of the car and swim to the surface. No one else was in the car. He wasn’t an alcoholic though (from what they’ve told me - he doesn’t like to talk about it).
How is he doing now? He’s a bank administrator, and has been for at least 15 years now. For primarily a regional bank, but during his time in office, the bank has opened branches in a few of the larger cities, even overseas. I guess it just goes to show things can change, and you can be successful if you get your act together.
Sorry for not replying to specific posts... as the title says, I'm just... worn out.
I'm definitely not looking forward to a second hospital stay. That last time I just felt real uncomfortable with all those cords attached to me. That's not the only reason I chose to leave after one night though, it was mostly because I just wanted to go home to hit the bottle again.
That was a little over a month ago, but now I'm seriously done procrastinating, this can't go on anymore. I hang my head in shame every time I go to the liquor store. They have a tally of an entire two cashiers there, who have seen me more often than they should. One of them, I can almost see it in her eyes she feels like she needs to do an intervention, but that's not her job. Her job is to sell me whatever I pick up.
Also, I'll share a story if you don't mind.
Years back, before I was born, my dad was imprisoned for about 2 months for drunk driving in his 20s. He drove off a steep cliff right into a deep sea inlet. He managed to get out of the car and swim to the surface. No one else was in the car. He wasn’t an alcoholic though (from what they’ve told me - he doesn’t like to talk about it).
How is he doing now? He’s a bank administrator, and has been for at least 15 years now. For primarily a regional bank, but during his time in office, the bank has opened branches in a few of the larger cities, even overseas. I guess it just goes to show things can change, and you can be successful if you get your act together.
Sorry for not replying to specific posts... as the title says, I'm just... worn out.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
No apologies necessary Polaroid. We get it.
When I got to the "worn out"....defeated point, it was actually a positive turning point for me because that is when I got myself to treatment/detox.
That is when I began to fight back. You can do this my friend. We're all here to support you.
Big hugs
When I got to the "worn out"....defeated point, it was actually a positive turning point for me because that is when I got myself to treatment/detox.
That is when I began to fight back. You can do this my friend. We're all here to support you.
Big hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Hey,
I was in quite similar shape a little over a month ago. While I did not need detox, I did need hospitalization-for depression. While there I was assessed and treatment for alcohol dependency was recommended. And so I self admitted. It has been 30 days now without alcohol or cigarettes.
Have you considered treatment to address your demons? I am now in an 8 week outpatient program as well. Mere detox is simply that.
Best to you,
warren
I was in quite similar shape a little over a month ago. While I did not need detox, I did need hospitalization-for depression. While there I was assessed and treatment for alcohol dependency was recommended. And so I self admitted. It has been 30 days now without alcohol or cigarettes.
Have you considered treatment to address your demons? I am now in an 8 week outpatient program as well. Mere detox is simply that.
Best to you,
warren
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by Sapling
I think the detox is very important...I think what you do after it is more important....Get into a program and put your life into it...While you still have one. I'm glad to see you getting to the point you've had enough...It's a gift....The gift of desperation.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Near Scranton PA
Posts: 424
The detox and rehab were the only way I could get better. Alcohol withdrawal is no joke and medical supervision is a must. Stick it out. When all the toxins are out of your system, you'll be able to look around with a clear head. You've been very sick and need time to heal.
Best wishes.
Best wishes.
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