MentalLoop

I'm in the minority group that tried not to hide my sobriety early on, and shared with anybody I could that in fact, I have stopped drinking because I have a problem with it. Although no victories here, I quit late last year, and it has been a fairly easy road for me - I just kind of accept that liquor has no positive role in my life. My wife still drinks (albeit very tolerably - 1/2 drinks a week), I still go to bars, I still go to parties; all in all life hasn't changed much.

My confession though, is that I read many many posts about people needing to find new friends, and I thought - OMG, just get over yourself. The whole world is not about you, and frankly, it is ok to hang out with people who are drinking and for you to be comfortable in your sobriety. After last night's festivities, and a few other ones over the last several weeks, I have to admit, I think I now understand the emotion of needing new friends - with that, I apologize.

I am getting pretty frustrated by the following categories of people:

1. Those who commend my fortitude and will power - Turns out, these are the heaviest drinkers of my friends. The kind that kick back with a glass or two of scotch every night, and take down a bottle each Friday night and Saturday night. Their commending of my fortitude has little to do with me, and more to do with the fact that they recognize their own issues, and lack of desire to deal with it. In that, I am no judge, but I have noticed that I get invited less and less for the Thursday night pub hang-out, or even the weekend get togethers.

2. Those who think I should drink, but in moderation - NO ****!! I have a very close personal friend, and the relationship is very very solid. So i don't have doubt there, but he constantly points out that I can't live in extremes...i.e. don't over drink, but don't go the other extreme either of completely taking it out - it makes for part of a social gathering. For god's sake, don't you think that if I could, I would?

3. Those who respect my non-drinking, but think it is appropriate to have just one with them since we only see each other every other month or so. GET A CLUE!! These particular individuals are my childhood buddies, life coaches, and titans of industry (one run's world-wide technology for a top 10 global bank, the other runs a hedge fund). They oddly, categorically denounce the fact that I had or have a problem, yet they totally accept the decision not to drink, but believe it to be proper to have at least one with them when we get together - one of them can drink me under the table, the other can nurse 1 drink all night. In all honesty, do they think I gave it up just for fun? And to boot, I am certain that the one of them will literally stop me at one drink; but who will stop me when they leave?

I am not angry, and my sobriety is my own - I get it, my wife get's it, my in-laws and family get it. Hell, my kids get it. I am just unsure as to why my friends either seem let down, in denial, or disappointed that I don't want to drink anymore. It's kind of like liver or brussel sprouts - I just don't eat them, but nobody seems to give me a hard time about those.

Spinach

No one likes change and some people think that its a threat some just cant comprehend the problem.
Stick with those you know faults an all.
The ones who disapear as they cant drink with you are well gone.
Difficulty is choosing would they all have to be teetotal or the same just starts again.
I think its difficult for people who dont have close friends or family .
John.

SOBERINNEPA

I'm in that same group. I told everyone my status when I got out of rehab. For me, the motivation was to keep myself honest. I was afraid to have pockets where I could "safely" sneak a drink or two, or maybe three. It's worked pretty well. I can be around people who drink, including my wife, and not feel tempted. It also preempts someone not aware of my alcoholism from pestering me to join them for Happy Hour on Fridays.

I'm with you entirely on one point. I think our status as non-drinkers does engender a certain level of discomfort in friends that might be a wee bit concerned about their own drinking habits.

"Just have one..." shows a stunning lack of understanding of what alcoholism is all about. If I could just have one, I wouldn;t be posting here and I wouldn;t be going to a meeting tonight.

Sapling

When I drank...I was attracted to drinkers...Perferably the ones that were worse than I was....I stopped drinking....That was it. Very easy break. Now I hang out at meetings more than bars...I'm attracted to recovered alcoholics...Preferably the ones that are better than I am. Not better people...Just been around the program a lot longer than I have...Enter new friends. I went to a BBQ with 20 alcoholics that don't drink on Sunday...Ribs..Burgers...Hot Dogs...Good music...Played Horse Shoes...Kids running all over....It was a blast. I'd never been to anything like that before.

2granddaughters

When I drank, I hung with the losers.
In AA, I hang with the winners.

All the best.

Bob R