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Old 04-16-2012, 12:47 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Why is it only me....


that sees I have a drink problem?

I new here today, married mum of two wonderful children and only one day sober, but for the last 18 months I have tried to control my drinking habbits many of times, the best I did was 4 weeks in Feb, felt great and thought it would be ok to have a couple of glasses of wine, before the week was out I had 5 bottles of wine got through 1 ltr of vodka, I was shocked but carried on for the last 23 days drinking every evening.

Every one in my life drinks, Husband, parents, in-laws,friends and every get together involves alcohol.

I have spoken to my husband about my concerns and he don't understand why I would want to give up all together, he says he's ok with it as long as it don't stop me wanting to go out and have fun( we don't go anywhere anymore).

I tried to speak to my closest friend today and her answer was I should just drink on a friday and saturday, then as we said goodbye she said don't worry come over mine on the weekend with a bottle of wine and we'll talk through my problems. duh!

I'm worried that everyone else is worried if I stop drinking how it will affect them!!!
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Old 04-16-2012, 12:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm worried that everyone else is worried if I stop drinking how it will affect them!!!
Either that...Or make them take a hard look at their own drinking patterns...Don't worry about them...Do for yourself what you think is right. Welcome to SR.
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Old 04-16-2012, 12:59 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Whether you drink or not is your concern and your choice to make. Peer pressure is difficult to deal with but if you're not happy with your drinking habits then changing them may be the only way to bring yourself peace. Your family and friends should eventually get used to the nondrinking you and be able to accept it. If they can't then that's their problem. You can't change other people. You can only change yourself.
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Old 04-16-2012, 01:07 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Yes, the main thing is that you are being true to yourself and you know that there is a problem.
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Old 04-16-2012, 01:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Old 04-16-2012, 01:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Truth is a bitter candy...

It's great you've decided to quit before it was super-obvious. Hopefully, you're in time to avoid a lot of what folks who go down the road longer have to suffer through before they realize their predicament.

My anonymity is maintained around my family and business collegues. They just think I quit drinking like I quit smoking. My wife on the other hand, took the brunt of my drinking and verbal abuse. i was a middle-late stage drunk, and found myself perfectly described in "Under the Influence". The next stages for me, which were far closer than I yet realize, would have been divorce, irreversible professional decline, illness, and perhaps suicide.

The temptation to drink, for me, comes rarely and briefly. A good friend of mine is nt so lucky and had to move away to a recovery community. He waited much longer, but is still safely in recovery.

Being alone in recovery is really hard but it sounds like your on the right path. Congrats!
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Old 04-16-2012, 01:11 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Relax. I think that we've all been concerned about what our family, peers, spouses, kids, etc. will think if we stop drinking. I know that I did.

Now I consider sobriety the most important thing in my life. Above my family, peers, spouse, kids, etc. Because without sobriety, I would have lost my family, peers, spouse, kids, etc.

The bad news is, you might be an alcoholic...But the GOOD news is, you might be an alcoholic. And there are a LOT of us out there just like you.

Keep it simple, Take it one day at a time, and keep coming back...
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Old 04-16-2012, 01:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR lostdotty. I think this is quite common really. So far it has been for me, and mainly I think it's because people don't want to have their own drinking habits reflected back at them. It is nothing to do with how they perceive you, rather how they think you will perceive them. You sound very certain with what you're doing, stay strong and if you have a weak moment come on here to chat it out
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Old 04-16-2012, 01:53 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanks for the response, don't want to do this alone.

When will I be able to say I am an alcoholic? I can say it to myself quickly in my head, but when will I say it out loud? Hope this dose not sound like a stupid question.

Quote:
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The bad news is, you might be an alcoholic...But the GOOD news is, you might be an alcoholic. And there are a LOT of us out there just like you.
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Old 04-16-2012, 02:23 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I said it to myself first and the next time at an AA meeting.

All the best.

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Old 04-16-2012, 02:45 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Thanks for the response, don't want to do this alone.

When will I be able to say I am an alcoholic? I can say it to myself quickly in my head, but when will I say it out loud? Hope this dose not sound like a stupid question.
Not stupid at all. I said it out loud to a person that mattered today for the first time. I'm 6 weeks sober. But in fact you don't have to call yourself an alcoholic (or are strongly recommended not to) if you use AVRT. It is up to you
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Old 04-16-2012, 04:52 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR!
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Old 04-16-2012, 04:56 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Welcome dotty

Personally I think what you call your problem isn't half as important what you do about it

You'll find a lot of support here

D
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Old 04-16-2012, 05:30 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Thanks for the response, don't want to do this alone.

When will I be able to say I am an alcoholic? I can say it to myself quickly in my head, but when will I say it out loud? Hope this dose not sound like a stupid question.
I knew I was an alcoholic years before I said it. However, the day I said it out loud, in front of others, oddly enough it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I connected with my identity. I no longer had to pretend, or lie, or hide, etc. After that day I saw no shame in being alcoholic. That began my recovery.

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Old 04-16-2012, 05:48 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Welcome LostDotty!

I think most people tend to react like your family and friends: "Just don't drink as much - just have a couple!" For us, though, it a maddening proposition; we're never happy with a drink or two.

What was interesting to me was that when I got sober, several of my drinking friends said "Yeah, I should probably cut down too."

You're doing something wonderful for yourself - just hold on to that idea!
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Old 04-17-2012, 08:49 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Welcome lostdotty, these guys are right, it's up to you to know what's best for you. Glad you're here!
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Old 04-17-2012, 09:20 AM   #17 (permalink)
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I'm worried that everyone else is worried if I stop drinking how it will affect them!!!
You can't win, Lostdotty. People want you to get drunk and naked and set fire to your husband before you're allowed to be an alcoholic. They're looking for some extreme outward manifestation of your problem. The thing is, you're hurting inside, but if you try telling that to people they'll just give you the old cuckoo face and edge towards the nearest open door.

Like I say, you can't win. You've just got to bite the bullet on this one.

Either that or get drunk and naked and set fire to your husband.


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Old 04-17-2012, 10:14 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Hi, If you think there's a problem then that's it. Alcoholic or not. Your friends and relatives don't want to change you or think you have a problem.
Just start yourself.
So many here now that it's the first drink that causes all the problems.
All the best
John.
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