ashamed... starting over
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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ashamed... starting over
I had convinced myself that I could drink in moderation - apparently I was wrong. Happy hour with some coworkers yesterday ended with me getting **** drunk and waking up in my coworkers bed this morning, someone that I now have to face every day. I have been lying around depressed and ashamed all day, I am really embarassed. But after reflecting today on how many mornings I've woken up regretting what I'd done the night before, I am giving the completely sober thing another shot, with today as my day 1. I am already feeling the urge to drive to the liquor store, but for now I'm sober and have no alcohol at home.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
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Snow, I don't know whether you meant that you ended up in your coworker's bed because you were intimately involved with the person or because they took care of you and put you in their bed to sleep - but either way, you are embarrassed about it.
It wouldn't help you to remedy the situation by looking for more alcohol, just as it wasn't helpful to give "moderate drinking" a try.
Some people need to be in a deeper emotional pit than you and some need what seems like less of a "rock bottom" to be in a position to quit and rise back to the surface of life. If you hear people say that you are not ready to quit, don't be so sure; be open to the possibility that now is the right time (and don't use that as an excuse to carry on with these ingenious ideas about "moderate drinking," etc.).
It might be a good idea to wallow a bit in order to purge your negative feelings, but I wouldn't say it does a lot of good to be ashamed for too long. It's been my experience that you need confidence when proceeding with plans to quit and beating oneself up doesn't go so well with confidence. There is likely a common trait among many alcoholics to be self-critical and to be adept at beating themselves up. For me it was helpful to give myself credit for getting through a day or a week or a month, and that increased my comfort with the direction I was taking. It's not just a cliché that it takes a lot of work on oneself AFTER and APART from the quitting of alcohol itself.
It wouldn't help you to remedy the situation by looking for more alcohol, just as it wasn't helpful to give "moderate drinking" a try.
Some people need to be in a deeper emotional pit than you and some need what seems like less of a "rock bottom" to be in a position to quit and rise back to the surface of life. If you hear people say that you are not ready to quit, don't be so sure; be open to the possibility that now is the right time (and don't use that as an excuse to carry on with these ingenious ideas about "moderate drinking," etc.).
It might be a good idea to wallow a bit in order to purge your negative feelings, but I wouldn't say it does a lot of good to be ashamed for too long. It's been my experience that you need confidence when proceeding with plans to quit and beating oneself up doesn't go so well with confidence. There is likely a common trait among many alcoholics to be self-critical and to be adept at beating themselves up. For me it was helpful to give myself credit for getting through a day or a week or a month, and that increased my comfort with the direction I was taking. It's not just a cliché that it takes a lot of work on oneself AFTER and APART from the quitting of alcohol itself.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Bob, I'm still not attending meetings. I kind of want to, I haven't been to a meeting in 8 years (I went to one 8 years ago and felt really uncomfortable there). But I'm not sure if I'm ready to make the commitment that I'll never drink again, so I feel like I would be kind of a fraud going to a meeting.
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Don't let that hold you back. There are plenty of people at meetings that are just checking it out. The only thing that matters is that you're sober today, you don't have to worry about the rest of your life right now, just worry about today. 
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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SnowDaisy, I can totally relate, been there done that. Sobriety is the only thing that will stop me from having compulsive behavior like that, I think you will find the same. I have read some of your posts and can identify with much of it. I am newly sober too, day 3 is coming to a close (although I have been sober on/off before and have had quite a few non-drinking stretches, just semi-regular binges like you describe above.) So why not join with me?!! Do your best to move on and not dwell on the mistakes. Sh*t happens, but it's what you do from here on out that matters.
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Its hard to push past the fear and do the things that can do you a world of good. But that's what a big part of changing for the better is, pushing oneself to move past the fear into a new direction of better well-being.
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Originally Posted by SnowDaisy 
Bob, I'm still not attending meetings. I kind of want to, I haven't been to a meeting in 8 years (I went to one 8 years ago and felt really uncomfortable there). But I'm not sure if I'm ready to make the commitment that I'll never drink again, so I feel like I would be kind of a fraud going to a meeting.
I didn't want to quit either, I just didn't want to die just a little bit more.
All the best.
Bob R
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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kittycat,
I'm doing ok. I haven't drank since Friday night (day 3 now). I'm still mortified about the coworker situation though. I'm hoping that person just acts like nothing happens and still remains friends... but who knows...
I'm going on a business trip tomorrow, which is a trigger for me. I know right where the liquor store is, right across the street from my hotel. I don't know how that will go, but today, I'm ok.
Thanks for asking!
I'm doing ok. I haven't drank since Friday night (day 3 now). I'm still mortified about the coworker situation though. I'm hoping that person just acts like nothing happens and still remains friends... but who knows...
I'm going on a business trip tomorrow, which is a trigger for me. I know right where the liquor store is, right across the street from my hotel. I don't know how that will go, but today, I'm ok.
Thanks for asking!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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I'm glad you're feeling better SnowDaisy.
If the business trip is a trigger take all the precautions you can. Plan to meet someone you know for coffee, or get a good book and relax in the hotel, check out the hotel gym, whatever works for you.
If the business trip is a trigger take all the precautions you can. Plan to meet someone you know for coffee, or get a good book and relax in the hotel, check out the hotel gym, whatever works for you.
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
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Good luck snowdaisy. It is a glib thing to say but if you don't have drink #1 you won't have others. It will help to get support. Go to aa or try and get on Sr when away. I use Sr on phone when away and it clears my triggers
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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I agree with Anna. Have a plan! I would bring workout shoes / wear and plan to sweat it out in the gym or outside if you are going somewhere nice. Or if working out isn't your thing, grab coffee and catch up on email at Starbucks. Or treat yourself to a mani-pedi. Have a plan, so that if you are tempted, you can protect your quit. If you are invited out for cocktails you will have your response straight away. Think of it as time for YOU and a nice break to your normal routine. You need to take care of you, Snow Daisy
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Hi SnowDaisy, there's some really great advice on here for filling the time during your business trip. Above all be kind and gentle with yourself, you deserve it!
As far as trying AA again, please don't worry about being a fraud. The only requirement to join AA is a desire to stop drinking. You've got that, so you're part of the club.
I sincerely hope your coworker is cool about The Situation. Most of us have done that, some (me) more than we care to admit. What's done is done, let it go and move on with your beautiful life. Hugs!
As far as trying AA again, please don't worry about being a fraud. The only requirement to join AA is a desire to stop drinking. You've got that, so you're part of the club.
I sincerely hope your coworker is cool about The Situation. Most of us have done that, some (me) more than we care to admit. What's done is done, let it go and move on with your beautiful life. Hugs!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
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I'm sorry you're going through this - the regret/shame is a miserable place to be. I was just reading a few of your former posts:
And then you wrote:
I understand that feeling (I think we all do)..... That's what addiction does - it tells us we can't live without it. I think the commitment has to come from the sane part of us - the one that has the "facts." The addicted part is going to pitch a fit at first, but it loses a little ground every time we don't let it control us.
I hope things work out with your coworker. Use it for positive motivation - you can do this!:day6
I have known for years that I'm an alcoholic - I'm an almost-daily binge drinker and have been for years.
I know if I continue drinking the way I do I won't be alive much longer.
I feel like my life has slowly started falling apart in the last 2 years or so. Alcohol is also starting to have an impact on my health.
I had convinced myself that I could drink in moderation - apparently I was wrong.
I'm not sure if I'm ready to make the commitment that I'll never drink again.
I hope things work out with your coworker. Use it for positive motivation - you can do this!:day6
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