Partner doesn't know about AA!!
 

Since I lost my Dad 3.5 years ago to cancer, and then met my partner nearly 2 years ago, I have been steadily drinking to blot things out:(
I have joined AA last week and been to 3 meetings since, and have got 6 days sobriety under my belt and feel great:)
The thing is I haven't told him I am going to AA meetings, as my ex is an alcoholic and goes to them, but in a different town.My current partner can be very jealous and judgemental, so I feel like I need to keep it to myself at the moment, as I I don't have the emotional strength to fight any more battles:(
I know what I am doing is right for me at the moment, as he really doesn't understand the pain i've been in:(
PS he has noticed i've not been drinking and is happy about it .

It's a program based on honesty...At some point you are going to have to tell him. Take him to an open meeting with you. If his jealousy interferes with your sobriety....That could be a serious problem.

Hey Candie, could you maybe say to him that you are struggling staying sober so that you could open up the conversation about AA, test the waters as it were? Maybe you could take him with you to an open meeting? x

I'm so sorry, Candie. I can't imagine getting sober without my wife's support. If he's happy that you're drinking less, he might be fine with you're going to AA. My wife sometimes comes to the open meetings with me and gets a lot out of it.

Best wishes.

I know:(


Yes that is a possibility.He is a good bloke on the whole but has major issues about my ex, as I was friends with him for years after we split up.
I just don't want him to judge me if you see what I mean:)

Sorry candie, but we all judge each other. It's part of the human nature. It's up to you if you want to tell your partner about AA or not. If you don't want to talk about it then you could always tell them that you have quit drinking and seeking help for your problem with alcohol.

His problem with your ex is his problem though. Jealousy is not a useful thing and it shouldn't stop you getting help. As far as judgement goes... I just told my mum that I'm an alcoholic and she didn't bat an eyelid. I worked myself up for nothing...

Awww glad you Mum understands hun.I still feel a lot of shame that I was reaching the slippery slope with my drinking, but will continue to still go to AA, and seek help on here too:)

I'm sure your partner will understand but really, you just have to do what's right for you, whether he supports you or not. But the longer you leave it the more difficult it will get x

I don't think any relationship can flourish if it's based on telling lies or hiding things. That's not to say you need to tell everyone you date for a few weeks that you're an alcoholic, but if it's a relationship, then honesty is important.

Honesty is a core belief of AA and a key part of staying sober. I wouldn't even bring up the ex. Just let your partner know that you've found an AA group that's helping you, find a sponsor and start working those steps. If he's noticed your sobriety and is happy about it, he'll probably want you to keep doing whatever it is you're doing to keep sober. You're worth it.

Candie, he is drinking his insecurities away. It sounds like you have already left him in your mind. Or are you insecure about your sobriety too. My wife still drinks and is a normal drinker. That is her issue. I also quit smoking and don't preach that either. Because it is for each and no other can make those decisions for or against, nor should try. That does not sound like the case with you. When he does find out and your prediction of argument turns true will you have the strength then? I hope he does not find out by having it thrown in his face.

You have in essence said that you can't handle his can't handle response to your sobriety with AA.

At least you aren't trying to change him, or throwing it up in his face at this time. If he can't handle it at any time remember your sobriety is most important to maintain now.

If you are indeed hoping to see your ex then perhaps you should and see what you want there too. If you want where you are now, then your current one will have to make the same decision. There is a good reason folks say no relationships for a year or not to leave one, unless it is abusive.

You should know that from an alcoholic's perspective when their partners sober up they have left them. I am with the ones who said take him with you. If he is indeed happy you aren't drinking then he will have to come along and keep drinking, or trust you.

If you and your ex aren't even going to the same meetings, why would your current boyfriend be jealous?

Because he would presume we were going to the same ones:)
ITCHY , my current partner isn't an alcoholic hun :)

Hi Candie. My boyfriend knew I was going to AA but at first he didn't know how often. He doesn't like it and thinks it shouldn't be something that takes up much of my time, so at first I would go to meetings more often than I would tell him about. I would tell him I was going to work, which was true, but then I'd go to a meeting before or after. I felt stupid sneaking around about something that I knew was good for me, and I also felt guilty for not telling him but at the time I couldn't handle a lot of pressure and I knew if something gave me an excuse to not go to AA, I would give up on it and likely drink. I think I did what was right for me at the time and I understand what you're doing but I also don't think it can last long-- I mean, where does he think you're at when you're at meetings, don't you think he'll eventually get curious? And honesty is the basis of a relationship and as Sapling said AA.

I should add that the way my boyfriend found out I was "secretly" going to AA meetings is that my battery died outside an AA meeting!! He had to come give me a jump. He was mad that I had been dishonest with him, and I had to agree he was right-- I should have told him. Now I am stronger in my sobriety and myself, and I do what I need to do to stay sober, and go to as many meetings as I want, and if he doesn't like it, too bad. It feels good to be honest too (although I still struggle with "secrecy" because I don't tell my friends or most people in my life I go to AA, so there are times when I feel I'm living a double life, or making up excuses to go do things when really I'm going to AA, etc. I am just not at the point to be open about my AA membership with most people.)

Best wishes. Do what's right for you and if the relationship is meant to last, it will. If not, there are better things waiting for you. It's not good for him to be jealous of your ex or possessive for no reason (I'm assuming there's no reason). So this might turn out to be for the best anyway. Stay sober!!!

Thanks hun, that's how I feel at the mo:tyou

Thanks Candie!

There's no way I can trust him to tell him at the moment.Last night I said I was struggling not drinking after a week, and he said it's my own fault for drinking so much in the first place.Hence no encouragement =no trust :(
I feel like if I tell him i'm in AA, if we split up he'll tell everyone, and in my job it wouldn't be a good thing to come out:(