30 days and not really excited
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 139
30 days and not really excited
Hey all,
Yep, today marks 30 days. And no, I'm not jumping up and down. In fact, I've been TERRIFIED of this day.
30 days ago, I thought that a might be an alcohol abuser. I thought, I'll quit for 30 days, wipe the slate clean, and start being a normal drinker again. And for those of you who supported me through those first few days....I FULLY believed that I really could wipe that slate clean. I didn't have a "real" problem. I couldn't even begin to imagine not drinking forever!
There were some days that were really, really hard, but what kept me going was was I was going to prove to the world that I could do 30 days, come he!l or high water. Nothing was going to stop me because I'm just damn stubborn that way. Drinking was just not an option, even though I had some dang strong cravings.
Today, I know I'm not a normal drinker. I have a REAL problem. And I'm probably an alcoholic. What I know for sure is that I can't drink. But then my head gets in my way and says things like: "you didn't know that 30 days ago would be your LAST drink, so you should go out, and go out with a bang". "There were some pretty awful things that happened when I drank, but the majority of the time, it was pretty low key. So, it would be okay to do it one more time".
I guess today feels like another loss, instead of a gain. It's a realization that I'm probably an alcoholic, and I really don't want to be one. It's not a happy, yay I'm sober, day!
Yep, today marks 30 days. And no, I'm not jumping up and down. In fact, I've been TERRIFIED of this day.
30 days ago, I thought that a might be an alcohol abuser. I thought, I'll quit for 30 days, wipe the slate clean, and start being a normal drinker again. And for those of you who supported me through those first few days....I FULLY believed that I really could wipe that slate clean. I didn't have a "real" problem. I couldn't even begin to imagine not drinking forever!
There were some days that were really, really hard, but what kept me going was was I was going to prove to the world that I could do 30 days, come he!l or high water. Nothing was going to stop me because I'm just damn stubborn that way. Drinking was just not an option, even though I had some dang strong cravings.
Today, I know I'm not a normal drinker. I have a REAL problem. And I'm probably an alcoholic. What I know for sure is that I can't drink. But then my head gets in my way and says things like: "you didn't know that 30 days ago would be your LAST drink, so you should go out, and go out with a bang". "There were some pretty awful things that happened when I drank, but the majority of the time, it was pretty low key. So, it would be okay to do it one more time".
I guess today feels like another loss, instead of a gain. It's a realization that I'm probably an alcoholic, and I really don't want to be one. It's not a happy, yay I'm sober, day!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Georgia
Posts: 89
I went the 30 days at a time route at first. Didn't quite make it to 60! Thought I could control it after that long. NOPE!!!! Couldn't do it. I hated to start counting over. It was the worst feeling. The realization that you're an alcoholic was quite depressing. I'm now on day 39 after starting over and I feel great. And there is no way I will have to start counting over!!!!! I'm done drinking!
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Hi skipto my lue,
If you are not exited I am excited for you. What a realization that you have a problem. Now you can get better and you are thirty days into recovery. NICE!!!
Whe did not get messed up overnight so we will not get better overnight either.
If you are not exited I am excited for you. What a realization that you have a problem. Now you can get better and you are thirty days into recovery. NICE!!!
Whe did not get messed up overnight so we will not get better overnight either.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
What's great is that you went 30 days and really got a perspective on your drinking...
I think there's always a sadness, even anger, as we realize we can't drink with impunity. I was like you - I "knew" I was an alcoholic, I just didn't "feel" like one.
The mental obsession takes time to fade away (at least it did for me). I didn't have any big consequences, so it wasn't like I felt "saved from some horrible fate." I just knew I didn't want it to run my life anymore or make me feel depressed/anxious. I was tired of spending mornings in bed, dreading the day.
Still I couldn't imagine never drinking again - it terrified me! Believe me, that will change, and you'll be so glad when it does. I think it's really helpful to take it one day at a time. Don't even think about tomorrow - just keep coming here and committing the day at hand. Ask yourself each morning: am I glad not to be waking up with a hangover? Find gratitude in the little things and remind yourself why you stopped in the first place.:ghug3
I think there's always a sadness, even anger, as we realize we can't drink with impunity. I was like you - I "knew" I was an alcoholic, I just didn't "feel" like one. The mental obsession takes time to fade away (at least it did for me). I didn't have any big consequences, so it wasn't like I felt "saved from some horrible fate." I just knew I didn't want it to run my life anymore or make me feel depressed/anxious. I was tired of spending mornings in bed, dreading the day.
Still I couldn't imagine never drinking again - it terrified me! Believe me, that will change, and you'll be so glad when it does. I think it's really helpful to take it one day at a time. Don't even think about tomorrow - just keep coming here and committing the day at hand. Ask yourself each morning: am I glad not to be waking up with a hangover? Find gratitude in the little things and remind yourself why you stopped in the first place.:ghug3
stepping on my way...
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,079
Congrats Skip! I am happy for you. I got a plan..how bout ya keep staying sober to figure the above out....drinking would just confuse ya even more, right? And it's OK to have these feelings...you're allowed. ANNNNDDDD maybe tomorrow will be your YAY!!! DAY!!! Or maybe day 66 or 34 or 33 will hit ya like a ton of pink cloud happiness 
Hang in there and I am so proud of u!!!!
PS My good dear friend Sunny on here did the same as you 30 day goal and guess what she liked it so much she just celebrated 100 days. She is a different girl now and is so happy with her life she will never touch booze again. She couldnt be who she is now clouded by wine/hangovers all the time!
You got this skip!! BIG HUG!!
Hang in there and I am so proud of u!!!! PS My good dear friend Sunny on here did the same as you 30 day goal and guess what she liked it so much she just celebrated 100 days. She is a different girl now and is so happy with her life she will never touch booze again. She couldnt be who she is now clouded by wine/hangovers all the time!
You got this skip!! BIG HUG!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 139
Wow, I think I was expecting to be slammed on here for some reason. Well, I guess I feel like that a LOT in life when I am struggling and I take the risk to share it with someone.
Thank you for creating a new experience for me, and rejoicing for me, even though I'm not rejoicing for myself YET. I'm sure it will come some day! Hopefully.
Thank you for creating a new experience for me, and rejoicing for me, even though I'm not rejoicing for myself YET. I'm sure it will come some day! Hopefully.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by 12skiptomylue 
Hey all,
Yep, today marks 30 days. And no, I'm not jumping up and down. In fact, I've been TERRIFIED of this day.
30 days ago, I thought that a might be an alcohol abuser. I thought, I'll quit for 30 days, wipe the slate clean, and start being a normal drinker again. And for those of you who supported me through those first few days....I FULLY believed that I really could wipe that slate clean. I didn't have a "real" problem. I couldn't even begin to imagine not drinking forever!
There were some days that were really, really hard, but what kept me going was was I was going to prove to the world that I could do 30 days, come he!l or high water. Nothing was going to stop me because I'm just damn stubborn that way. Drinking was just not an option, even though I had some dang strong cravings.
Today, I know I'm not a normal drinker. I have a REAL problem. And I'm probably an alcoholic. What I know for sure is that I can't drink. But then my head gets in my way and says things like: "you didn't know that 30 days ago would be your LAST drink, so you should go out, and go out with a bang". "There were some pretty awful things that happened when I drank, but the majority of the time, it was pretty low key. So, it would be okay to do it one more time".
I guess today feels like another loss, instead of a gain. It's a realization that I'm probably an alcoholic, and I really don't want to be one. It's not a happy, yay I'm sober, day!
Yep, today marks 30 days. And no, I'm not jumping up and down. In fact, I've been TERRIFIED of this day.
30 days ago, I thought that a might be an alcohol abuser. I thought, I'll quit for 30 days, wipe the slate clean, and start being a normal drinker again. And for those of you who supported me through those first few days....I FULLY believed that I really could wipe that slate clean. I didn't have a "real" problem. I couldn't even begin to imagine not drinking forever!
There were some days that were really, really hard, but what kept me going was was I was going to prove to the world that I could do 30 days, come he!l or high water. Nothing was going to stop me because I'm just damn stubborn that way. Drinking was just not an option, even though I had some dang strong cravings.
Today, I know I'm not a normal drinker. I have a REAL problem. And I'm probably an alcoholic. What I know for sure is that I can't drink. But then my head gets in my way and says things like: "you didn't know that 30 days ago would be your LAST drink, so you should go out, and go out with a bang". "There were some pretty awful things that happened when I drank, but the majority of the time, it was pretty low key. So, it would be okay to do it one more time".
I guess today feels like another loss, instead of a gain. It's a realization that I'm probably an alcoholic, and I really don't want to be one. It's not a happy, yay I'm sober, day!
Thinking of your last 30 days as a "loss" is more self-defeating alcoholic thinking.
You are standing at a turning point and your life is going to take a turn for the better or the worse. I wish you the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 802
Hi skip, I know its very tough buddy but as artsoul says just try 1 day at a time at the the min. Just don't drink today and see where that takes you. Thinking to far ahead and never drinking again is just to scary for me, good luck with it :-)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Skip, you are doing great!
I didn't feel wonderful at 30 days sober either. I had a lot of guilt and stuff to clear up in my life and like you, I truly mourned the loss of my friend alcohol. However, I was beginning to see that I could get through a day and actually have a good day without drinking and that was something I never thought possible.
Good for you for recognizing that you need to stop drinking for good.
I didn't feel wonderful at 30 days sober either. I had a lot of guilt and stuff to clear up in my life and like you, I truly mourned the loss of my friend alcohol. However, I was beginning to see that I could get through a day and actually have a good day without drinking and that was something I never thought possible.
Good for you for recognizing that you need to stop drinking for good.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
I didn't feel that great at 30 days either - my way back was a long one - but it was worth it
As for forever - forever's just a lot of todays joined together I reckon skip - what you're doing is working...keep doing what you're doing
D
As for forever - forever's just a lot of todays joined together I reckon skip - what you're doing is working...keep doing what you're doing
D
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Hey Skip -
I'm proud of you for sticking with your commitment of 30 days. That's a great accomplishment. I think it was true of many of us that we didn't realize the full extent of our problem until we tried to quit.
Just remember, the best part of being an alcoholic is that you can recover.
I'm proud of you for sticking with your commitment of 30 days. That's a great accomplishment. I think it was true of many of us that we didn't realize the full extent of our problem until we tried to quit.
Just remember, the best part of being an alcoholic is that you can recover.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Add me to the list of those who were underwhelmed at 30 days. At 3 mos. it started to feel so different, though. The joy and hope began returning. The shock of quitting, & grieving for my 'friend' ended. I was on my way to being free - you are too, skip. You just don't see it quite yet.
Proud of you!!
Proud of you!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by 12skiptomylue
It's a realization that I'm probably an alcoholic, and I really don't want to be one. It's not a happy, yay I'm sober, day!
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Listen skip, none of us wanted to be alcoholics. We all wanted to be normal drinkers again. It just is not possible, physically nor mentally. I understand what you're feeling right now, I had 30 days under my belt before I arrived at SR and I drove myself insane over it. Keep doing what you're doing one day at a time ane before you know it you'll have a couple months and you won't even want to drink anymore.
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