aeo1313

I am not in the same positive frame of mind I was in last week. I am still using something daily. Cut way down, but still at some point of the day or night I take something. I feel I am almost there. Like climbing a huge mountain. I am not at the bottom, just hanging somewhere inbetween.

I have learned a lot lately though that re-inforces to me that I indead have a problem (my very first posts here were always questioning that). The second I take a pill, before it even has a chance to do anything, I imediately want a drink, or a hit of pot, or another pill. As soon as I take a drink I want a pill, or hit of pot, etc. They have become like vines that can't be separated anymore. I now understand the saying once a pickle never a cucumber again.

Yesterday I did something very scary that I am proud of. I told my cantor at Temple that I would chant Torah at Yom Kippur services in September. For those of you not Jewish this would be similat to simging national anthem at the Superbowl...in Hebrew! I can't even hardly read Hebrew, but felt I needed a challenge.

I will be sober by then. Just how do I be sober/clean today? (I talk to people from AA and hit up meetings here and there). I know what I need to do, but how do I actually do it??

Sapling

Pull out the vine by the roots...And if you are planning on using the program of AA...Get more involved with it....

desertsong

If you honestly want to do AA, then get a sponsor and start working the steps right away. Meetings are helpful for the support and the accountability, but they are not the program - the steps are. That's where the real work is. I went to a lot of meetings when I was first trying to get sober, but they weren't enough and I had two relapses in the interim. I started getting results when I committed to working the steps with everything I had. This is day 41 and for the first time in years, I have no desire for a drink.

keltie

I love your goal of chanting the Torah- that is really something to work toward. For me, I have my sister's wedding in May. I am cutting down daily (my thing is norco) - tapering- bc I don't want to be sick, and my goal is to be clean by then. Having a goal is great, aeo. You can do it, keep moving forward.

kittycat3

Not sure what you are taking aeo but if cutting down was possible, why didn't you do it before? Somewhat sarcastic, but cold turkey is
All that would work for me. Why start tomorrow when you can start today?

Anna

I think it's great to have a goal to work towards.

As for what to do now - I am assuming that you have alcohol/pot/pills in the house? If so, get rid of them and don't allow yourself to get more. Know that each time you get through a tough moment, it will be easier next time.