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Secrets and lies..Save me

Old 04-15-2012, 02:39 AM
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Secrets and lies..Save me

I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm so tired of hiding everything. My life is pointless and I know I'm to blame. I know you guys will tell me that I have to save myself but I can't. I want to but its like I'm trapped under this thing that controls me and as hard as I fight, it is stronger. I don't care enough about myself to try anymore. I hate admitting how weak and pathetic I am but here it is. All I need is one person to help me get clean for a week, and I could take it from there. I need someone to not allow me to get drugs. I can't do it myself. If I.can make it one week I know I can regain some control and hope. What does it say about me that in my 32 years I have not found one person I can go to and beg for help. No best friend, no family, no safe place. Hell I'm thinking I'll hire some random stranger to help me at this point. I know I'm supposed to do it myself but I'm telling you I need just 7 days of someone looking out for me. Anybody. I'm beyond stupid but whatever I still need help. Yesterday I actually went to the guy who sexually assaulted me to buy drugs because I am so self destructive that I'm constantly being reckless. I wànt to push myself over the edge so I kill myself. This internal battle rages all the while I lie to everyone and my life is secret. I know you all are going to yell at me but please don't be harsh, I can't take it..I know I'm pathetic and ridiculous.
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Old 04-15-2012, 02:43 AM
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Hardy, you are in my prayers.
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Old 04-15-2012, 02:47 AM
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Hardy,

can you get into a detox? It usually four to five days and they can help you make longer term plans if you want.

Addiction is insanity but it's treatable. We do recover. We really do.

You can call Salvation Army and see what they have available in your area. If you can make it to the Los Angeles area, you might check out The Clare Foundation. Try this link for Clare: Clare Foundation Inc Treatment Detox Center in Santa Monica, California

You can do this. Keep posting here,read the info.

Love from Lenina
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Old 04-15-2012, 02:59 AM
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I know all to well being controlled by active addiction. You have wrote all the things I have and you are not pathetic.

You need help as you know all to well.

What do want to do as far as addiction treatment goes?

There is AA/NA to go to. There may be some rehabs you can afford. You are here at SR, you can continue to get support here.

No matter what you are worthy and valued as a person that needs the help to overcome an addiction that is not the real you.
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Old 04-15-2012, 03:02 AM
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Question

I posted the AA Bakersfield website yesterday for you.

Can you call the hotline and ask for a female member to contact you and arrange for some support?

AA Kern County Central Office

Here is a link for NA

Bakersfield, CA Drug Addiction / Narcotics Anonymous Meetings

There are people that would help you...but you have to make the call. You have to reach out, ask for help, locally from recovered women. They will rally around you if you would only pick up the phone and be clear on your request.
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Old 04-15-2012, 03:20 AM
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Hardy

if you use this website and enter your location you'll be able to find all the treatment facilities near you

Substance Abuse Treatment Facility Locator

I used to want someone to help me too..finally I worked it it rarely works like that.

I needed to make the phone calls, I needed to do the leg work to find out my options...I needed to reach out for help.

I know it's difficult but if there's one thing I've learned it's that action changes things and gets us out of the cycle we're in.

Please do something Hardy - I think you're worth it

D
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Old 04-15-2012, 03:29 AM
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Just call this number Hardy...It's the NA helpline....Somebody will help you. All I can do is pray for you.

800 todayna
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Old 04-15-2012, 03:33 AM
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Some really good advice here Hardy.

Make those calls.

We're all thinking of you xx
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Old 04-15-2012, 04:45 AM
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hardy, go back and read your previous posts. The answers are there.

You have to decide if you are going to fight this or surrender. I surrendered and found all the help I needed in AA.

You have to stop posting "please help me" and take the help that's offered. You are putting yourself through needless misery.

Call the numbers ... that's all that is required now.

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 04-15-2012, 05:36 AM
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There's a lot of wisdom here, Hardy. I pray you'll accept it, and that the insanity will stop for you when you do. Detox is the place for you to be.
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Old 04-15-2012, 07:13 AM
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Call the AA or NA hotline and ask for help.

Get to a meeting. Doesn't matter if you are still using, just DO IT, hun! You have to reach out in person. You aren't hopeless, you are on here and you ARE reaching out, now it's time to get in person support, and it's out there! If you believe that something exists, make a prayer out loud or silently.

Love, hugs, & prayers sent your way,
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