IreLander

Drunk again, WHY CANT I STOP! Im pathetic! PLEASE! I CANT BE THIS WEAK! I cant figure out ifIim weak or just stupid! I QUIT FOR 7 YEARS BEFORE! IT WAS EASY BACK THEN!....PLEASE! TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

IreLander

I was part of the fellowship of AA! I WAS A F*CKING SPONSER! SOME OF MY SPONSEES ARE STILL SOBER! WHATS WRONG WITH M E!

Firehazard

Hi and welcome back. I have gone back out as well after some substantial sober time in AA. I am not condoning it and was as well ashamed of myself.
It is normal to feel that way as long as a lesson is learned from all this.

Alcohol Cunning , Baffling, Powerful. Without help it is two much for us!

Id like to add especially people like me who did go way over that line with it.
Great news is you know exaclty where to go and what a blessing you will be to someone else. Keep it real simple and it can work again.

Dee74

Hi IreLander

I know it's baffling and upsetting - I feel for you...I remember how I felt.

The fact is alcoholism gets worse - what was enough effort in years gone by to stay sober may not cut it now.

You're an AA guy - you must have buddies and numbers to call - why not do that?

D

IreLander

Stop making sense Dee! Your ruining a perfectly good emotional breakdown. It just seems like my addiction is in the corner - doing push-ups just waiting for me to f*ck up! It always comes back, STRONGER THAN EVER BEFORE! BUT I KNOW THIS! I REMEMBER! been there before... im helpless!

Dee74

It's kinda my job

Vent away...but you and I both know it makes sense to dump the booze and call an AA friend...

you're not helpless, man - you have a lot of things you can do to take back the wheel

don't let your despair swamp you - your addiction's running that show too...

D

IreLander

Thanks Dee.

MemphisBlues

I can't really give you much counsel, but I must add that the program works because of those in it...it's a fellowship...we care for those in and out of the rooms. I suspect someone is just waiting for your call. It might make their day, and safe your life.

I love it when people ask for help. It's the only thing that gets me out of this polluted head.

And there is no shame in falling down. AA is there to pick you up, and I have been amazed at the courage of those who come back into the rooms and ask for help. More amazing to me is that they usually find the help they need.

langkah

Great you're still trying hard, keep it going.

Change4good

IreLander, I agree with the others. Ask for help. But realize you are not weak or pathetic. If you were, you wouldn't be reaching out to us. You have shown that you can stay sober. Now, you need to step up your game.

Let me offer some sage advice from Winnie the Pooh:

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Christopher Robin to Pooh

Wishing you well friend.

Sapling

I have a good friend that went out after 15 years sober. He went out and drank six years. He's back now and just passed two years sober...He says he's happier and more at peace now than he's ever been...Do what your sponsees are doing.

awuh1

Yes, It's not a program of seniority.

sugarbear1

You can do this again!

Prayers sent your way,

IreLander

Thanks for the wonderful advice. just woke up. feeling ashamed and guilty...all expected. Tried to quit recently without AA , looks like that is not possible for a guy like me. Years ago I did 90 meetings in 90 days. thanks for the help! going to a meeting at 7:00 am. perhaps another at noon.

MarylandRick

Only I respectfully disagree with one point, a change of perception if you will. It is taking hold of the wheel again that has back where you are.

You know what do do. Make some phone calls my friend. We're here for you too.

Sapling

Good for you...You know the routine...It wasn't possible for me either. Keep us updated how you are doing.

2granddaughters

Yes, I think you found the problem.

I was talking to a sponsee this morning who said he would likely see me at the meeting tomorrow morning, especially if he was hurting. I said that I look at the AA meetings now not so much as treatment when I needed it but as regular "preventive maintenance" to stay on track.

All the best, IreLander.

Bob R

Bledsoe

Hey there neighbor...

If you're looking for a meeting on Monday nights...

awesome Grapevine mtg at 7:30pm at 8155 W. Thunderbird.

Have you checked out the Happy Valley (39th ave and HV) meetings?

Best wishes, 90 in 90 sounds like a fantastic start

Anna

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today.

It sounds like you have a good plan for getting back on track. Learn from the experience and move on.

foodie1

Hi IreLander, I just wanted to say hello and I feel for you. You CAN do this, we're all behind you!!