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35 days but in need of survival tips

Old 04-12-2012, 03:18 PM
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35 days but in need of survival tips

Mostly downs to be honest, but enough ups to keep my opiate use in the rearview mirror. I don't mean to say I would ever forget that four year experience, because that will never happen. I'll make sure of that. The use is in my rearview mirror, and will hopefully stay there, where it belongs.

Can't say I've craved the oxy's really, except during the period of physical withdrawal. I can't say in all honesty that I don't miss that carefree feeling, because I do. I just have to keep reminding myself (which is almost automatic now, where it wasn't a few weeks ago) that I don't want to live like that ever again. Knowing that I can only control today, or at the very least this present moment in time, I visualize a clean future, and sometimes even a happy one.

Depression has reared its ugly head hard, and I've started hallucinating from time to time (hard to tell what's real and what's not). Until last night, I haven't slept since last Thursday. Dark thoughts and obsessions with suicide are something I deal with for many hours in the day. Very hard to break free of those dark thoughts and temptations.

Social anxiety (which I had before) is intense. I enjoy my coworkers, but come home every day and go straight to my room and read ebooks online. What a life, eh? And I thought the physical part of withdrawal was tough.

Still when I'm in the right frame of mind, I know without a doubt I'm on the right track. Even when I'm in the wrong frame of mind (feeding those dark thoughts), I still know I'm on the right track.

Haven't read much about psychosis as it relates to either drug withdrawal and/or sleep deprivation. This is new to me on so many levels. It's made me aware of things I never understood before, about other people, about myself, and about our mutual struggles.

Not digging it, but hanging in there because I'm pretty sure I'll see that rainbow at some point. Slept last night for the first time in days. Maybe things will start looking up from here. Sleep deprivation is terrible.
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Old 04-12-2012, 03:40 PM
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Jilllian, I'm a believer that our drug of choice is but the tip of the iceberg.
My life really got bad when I had given up the alcohol and Valium and there was nowhere to run anymore. I was stuck with myself in my own skin and really wasn't comfortable there. I didn't know how to live sober.
AA (and NA) and it's 12 Steps addresses the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of my disease .
I knew I needed to quit drinking when I came to AA but there is a sentence in "How It Works" that has kept me here....
"There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest."

Wishing you the best.

Bob R
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Old 04-12-2012, 03:45 PM
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Originally Posted by 2granddaughters View Post
I was stuck with myself in my own skin and really wasn't comfortable there.
That's exactly how I feel.

I like your quote: "There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest."

Thank you.
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Old 04-12-2012, 03:48 PM
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My problems weren't over when I quit using, they were just starting ......

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 04-12-2012, 03:49 PM
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Have you thought about seeing someone Jillian - whatever the cause hallucinations are generally not something we can fix ourselves.

I think it's important to at least talk to someone if you're depressed and thinking about harming yourself too?

We have a stickie post with a lot of links to hotlines and such if you need it...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html


Take care of yourself
D
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Old 04-12-2012, 03:57 PM
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I agree with Dee about talking to your dr about your hallucinations. That sounds scary and I'm sorry you're going through that.

It is really hard to begin the journey of accepting ourselves and our life without benefit of drugs or alcohol. But, you're definitely on the right track.
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