soberred

I keep thinking I am strong enough and smart enough to do this on my own but I can't. I keep relapsing. Last night on my way home I bought a half pint of vodka. I woke up at 330 this morning in bed not remembering I went to bed. I guess I was on the phone with a friend and blacked out. My boyfriend said he came home and I was laying on the bed with doritos all over my face, the front door unlocked. I guess I got sick too.Said I was choking so bad he thought he was going to have to call 911. I blacked out. Only after a small amount on an empty stomach. I just can't do this anymore. I just don't get why I can't beat this. Why is this so powerful that it's ruining my life. Today I am looking in to an out patient rehab. I am getting ready to go to an AA meeting. I'm broken. Thanks SR friends for reading my rant.

SOBERINNEPA

I doubt there's many of us who could do it alone. We all need help. I know I do.

Good luck. I'm sure you're doing the right thing.

Nirvana1

I'm glad you are seeking help while you still have time!

soberred

I'm ready to go to my AA meeting. I hope I don't cry. I'm sure I will

soberred

Yes. I don't think I have much time left if I keep this up

Eliasson

I cried thru the first couple AA meetings I went to. So glad you are going. Please check back in here after and let us know how it went

Davestwincam

Hang in there soberred, hope everything gets better for you soon.

MycoolFitz

Hey take care and don't beat up on yourself, the booze will do it for you. As for being strong and smart it has nothing todo with the dis-ease. We are sick and we want to become well. We all need support and assistance. Alcoholism is nothing to be ashamed of or overcome on our own, we need to reach out to family, friends, and professions like we would do for vany other illness.

JerseyNonny

We ALL need help...and, any alcoholic who claims not to is just lying to themselves.

I woke up this morning crying after having a bad dream. It hit me that, even after being "alcohol free" since 11/15/79, I'm not in a good space mentally or emotionally right now.

It hasn't been possible for me to attend meetings in almost 10 years...and, I miss that feeling of being with people who "know me", even when I don't say a word...who "understand me" the moment I open my mouth to speak.

It's been so long since I've been on this site...which used to be part of my daily routine...just like attending meetings...it took me a while to remember how to navigate here. But, it was important to reach out to other alcoholics...to let them know I need their support and encouragement. Not because I need a drink...because I don't. I need to live...and sometimes it's a challenge, and I'm not even sure why.

So, think of me when you get to that rehab, and remember all of us who have been there before you...but, we never stop needing the help of others. The meetings are SO important.

langkah

When you go, show up early and let them know you're new and you don't want to drink again. They'll take it from there.

Scolova

Glad you are going for help and I hope you can change your life.

CaiHong

Sobered,

Yes you really need to do something, your drinking is very serious. As Langkah suggested tell people that you are a newcomer, this is important.

You can get and stay sober but you need support.

All the best

CaiHong

SOBERINNEPA

And lots of people cry at AA meetings. It's a safe place.

One thing you'll notice, there's a lot of laughter too. Getting better is a joyful thing.

Dee74

I'm really glad you're reaching out for help soberred

D

SOBERINNEPA

She's a sister. Family looks after each other.