stressedwife

I wasn't real sure where to start so I picked here. I don't have an alcohol problem but my husband does. We've been married for 29 years, together for 30, and all that time he has been a drinker. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but a drinker nonetheless. Back in the early days of being together he could be verbally abusive, not always, but enough to have an effect on me. Over the years of his drinking, with things that have happened in the past, I've come to hate to be around him when he drinks for fear of the verbal abuse repeating itself. He is much better about that these days, but that doesn't erase the past and how it made me feel. He used to drink liquor until he found out he had diabetes, then he changes to lite beer. He drinks anywhere from 8-12 beers a night when he comes home from work. This he does on an empty stomach and he literally sucks them down, drinking that many in about a 3-hour period. I did confront him a while back about his drinking. I told him I didn't like being around him when he drank for fear of past incidents repeating themselves. I told him how much he was drinking a night and of course he said it wasn't that much. He also said those past incidents wouldn't happen again. Thing is, you never know what might set him off. He's been known to go off on me verbally about something and I have no clue as to why, what or anything. All I can do is just stand there until he's done. There is no discussing things when he's drunk. We have 2 girls, 22 and 18, and they both are very aware of his drinking. My youngest has a boyfriend and she doesn't want him to come to the house because of her Daddy's drinking. He has been over before several times and she asked me to ask her Daddy not to drink while he was here, but that didn't work. He drank right on as he usually does. So now she won't invite him over anymore. This makes me very sad. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I'm just so tired of dealing with the stress of it I don't know if I have it in me to help him quit, etc. I've seriously considered leaving him many times, but financially I don't think I can. I"ve come to hate the nights both kids are gone and it's just me and him. Basically that means he's in the garage drinking and smoking, watching TV etc while I"m in the house. I used to drink when we first go together but have basically quit because of him. My only vices now are smoking...and eating, which I hate. I can't seem to get control of anything and I don't know if it's me...or him...or a combination of the two. I would appreciate anybody's insight on my situation.

ACT10Npack

Sorry to hear about your husband. If he is being abuse then it's better to get out of the home for your safe. You may need to get outside help to address his issues with alcohol. He needs to realize that he has a problem because if he does not then he will never try to quit. Have you ever take him to the doctor about his drinking? It may be good for you to take him to get a blood test because it may show that he have liver problems and have to quit but he knows he has diabetes and he may not care.

Remember your safely first and then get some outside help for your husband. There is a forum in here for family and friends with people with alcoholics.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR. Your husband sounds like he can't control his drinking. Sadly, you can't control his drinking either. Till HE wants to quit...he won't. And even then it's difficult. What you can control is how you deal with the drinking. For advice on that, why not visit our forum for friends and family of alcholics.

stressedwife

Thank you Actionpack10 and doggonecarl for your comments. I will move over to the forum yall suggested.