fuzzy1

How many people do you watch on here daily who have a ton of knowledge about alcoholism and can't stay sober anyhow? If he is alcoholic he'll drink in spite of what mom might have taught him before he ever had his first drink.

fuzzy1

Question: Do you have an idea what happens when you tell a child not to stick a bean in their nose? :-)

Terminally Unique

Those are people who are already hooked, though, which your son is not. If people never start drinking, they won't get hooked.

Quite possibly, but some families do manage to set a new standard. Joe Biden, for example, is a teetotaler because there were several alcoholics on his mother's side of the family.

Terminally Unique

That I do. My father was a chain smoker, and I remember everyone telling him to quit, which he eventually did. He told my three brothers and I never to smoke, and guess what I did? But, none of my brothers ever touched a cigarette, so you never know.

fuzzy1

He grew up in an alcoholfree household with two sober alcoholics. If the example isn't enough what would words change?

soberlicious

I speak openly to my children about addiction. Nothing I can say will necessarily stop them from doing what they are going to do when they are of age, but they certainly know ALL about it from me, so they will go into adulthood with knowledge. Nothing is hush-hush or too taboo to discuss with them. I feel I would be errant as a parent if I did not do this. I tell them regularly that they cannot become addicted if they never start...which is the truth.

Mark75

Sure it's hereditary. No doubt... whether there is a gene for it, IDK.

Knowledge of my family history didn't help. 3 grandparents, great uncles (man, these uncles were low bottom...), father, brother... I just thought I'd be smarter than them, LOL. Since my dad recovered in AA and was sober for 26 years before he died, and my brother just got his 26 year coin, I saw what recovery did for them and wasn't as afraid of it as I might have been.

I have talked to many non-drinkers with low bottom alcoholic parents... and a common thread is that they saw what it did and never wanted to go there and therefor never started.

Terminally Unique

Yes, so have I. One of the things I noticed in the rooms, though, was that entire families were often present, even when the parents were sober. It seems the message some kids got from their sober alcoholic parents was that if you have the alcoholic gene, you'll drink anyway, and if not, you'll be safe. So, drink up and find out if you have that gene! I remember one guy sharing that all of his kids ended up getting hooked, but one of them, try as he might, wasn't able to cut the mustard and become alcoholic. He seemed to think all of this was perfectly normal.

Mark75

It seems that way, and yea, I can see that. I look back and remember my father taking me to an AA meeting when I was in my early twenties, he had just started going. I have wondered if he wasn't trying to tell me something... what, exactly, I am not sure.LOL. He made no concerted attempt to talk me out of drinking... but, also important... he did talk to me often about AA. At that time in my life I partied a good bit, especially on summers off from college, but I didn't drink alcoholically... I completely avoided drinking when it was not appropriate to do so... and therefore didn't listen too closely. "Yea, yea, dad, I know"... LOL

My own personal experience was that I had not completely connected the dots... unmanageability was a good description of my family several years up until the divorce, LOL... but I was part of the general denial that our family system engaged in... bad things that happened were the result of... well...other things... the pot smoking and drinking and all that, well that just was a given, not directly related... My father's career was a difficult one, it was ultimately successful, but it was that jerk that he worked under that got him fired, not anything else, LOL... from that one important job and things were bad for a while, unemployed and all that goes with it...

I don't believe that anyone is "safe"... this idea that we either are or are not alcoholic... yea right. Big mistake on my part, and when the line was crossed I was already too far into it to see it or care.

My own son, the oldest... He's not alcoholic, at least from what I can tell... but I don't believe for one second he couldn't become one... and he hangs with a guy who is drinking alcoholically and whose life is already unmanageable. Thing is, I like this guy, he's a hoot, but he scares me. I try to talk to my son, and I do, and he listens... about as much as I did, LOL...

Maybe I need to help him connect the dots a little better...

Important topic.

Terminally Unique

I come from an opposite sort of family, and as far as I know, I am the only one with this penchant for consuming copious amounts of liquor. This gave me a false sense of security for a long time, even though I was keenly aware that my taste for the stuff was different than that of anyone in my family, or even most of my friends. I can still remember the first time I had it, and I thought "Wow! This is what's been missing from my life! I'm going to do this again!" (and again, and again, and again).

Although I was able to "manage" it for a while, I can see now that drinking quickly became an organizing principle in my life. OTOH, I don't recall anything being wrong with my life per se prior to that fateful day. I had seen people crash and burn with other drugs, so I didn't touch them, even when I was surrounded by those who did. Somehow, though, I didn't put two and two together and realize that alcohol would do to me what those other drugs did to other people.

RobbyRobot

Yeah, my daughter born 1990 has not drank or drugged. Nada. We always shared with her as the years of her upbringing went on age appropriate understandings from our alcoholic and drug backgrounds. Both her mother and I were (are) absolutely chronic alcoholics when we quit.

Her mother recovered in 1983 and myself in 1981. Always sober since quitting. Even our eventual seperation/divorce in 2007 did not have our daughter playing with alcohol or drugs. She now attends a fine art school, lives with her husband, and he dosen't drink or drug either. His parents are not alcoholic.

I and my ex-wife are both remarried. My wife is recovered from 2001. My ex's husband is a non-drinker.

So it can be done.




Totally Awesome!!

Elphaba

I think everyone has the potential to become an alcoholic. Regardless of the substance if you use it long enough you'll develop physical dependence, whether it's cocaine, heroin, alcohol, tobacco, prescription pills, etc. When I was a teenager we were very much warned about the dangers and addictive nature of drug use, but the only warning we received about alcohol was not to drink and drive.

RobbyRobot

I think alcohol and or drugs can mess everyone up to the point they have to re-think what is going on with their using or abusing.

I don't think everybody can or will become alcoholic simply from using or abusing alcohol. Alcoholism is more then just crossing a line into a different kind of alcohol abuse. Alcoholism is an illness of mind, body, and spirit.

We all have our experiences and opinions, and we dont always have to agree.

I never told my daughter to not drink because she may more easily become alcoholic. I didn't have too. Just her understanding of how alcoholism can destroy a life was enough for her to not want to drink in the first place.

Would she more probably become alcoholic because her parents were? I dunno...

I do know that I taught her how and what to do if she ever found herself abusing alcohol. I never told her not to drink, fwiw. I did tell her I would never pour her a drink.

Jeni26

This is all very interesting, thank you all so much for your replies.

Growing up in an atmosphere where alcoholism was rife and the uglier side of addiction with verbal and physical abuse was commonplace, did not stop 3 out of the 4 children developing problems with alcohol and/or drugs.

For years I truly believed that as I wasn't a 'nasty' drunk, just unsafe, that was fine and I was no threat to my kids.

I think the time has come for some honest and frank discussions in our family ...