Spinach

At 49 my general health is not bad considering ? I have an liver scan coming up and I query what the result may be . I worked in hospitals all my working life and understand the implications as does my wife who trained as a nurse.
I'm a month sober and four months of nothing much to drink . I have a lot of abdo discomfort recently and fear that I waited a decade or so too long to ditch the drink. At some time I have to apologies not for my behaviour drinking as that has been covered and on the whole I wasn't that stupid but for the potential loss of years of support of love that will happen on the turn of a scan report.
How do I manage that and not end up being pilloried for destroying that dream we had and still have knowing that I just didn't seek help earlier because of my stupid pride and not wallow.
She asked me the other day if the scan was bad news would I start drinking again ! I said no I was happier and more focused on what matters now and if I had to go then I'd rather be sober.
I can't change the past but that doesn't stop me seeing just how much damage I would be leaving behind and it stings.
John.

MentalLoop

Thanks for that post Spinach. I have been sober for a few months now, and obviously realizing the benefits. I have always joked that I can't drink today, but later in my life (i.e. when i define my age to be on the decline), i will surely grab another drink, because I'm headed to the grave anyway. Your point hits home...probably then more then ever I will want to savor whatever moments, seconds, minutes, hours or days that life leaves me with. Can't do that drunk. Oh well, guess it is gone for good! Another decision made today.

instant

we can't change the past. We have to deal with what we have. Every day is a gift for us to use.

Dee74

I know it's hard but I think you need to wait for the scan results before you get too carried away with the what thens, John.

A lot of us drank very heavily and yet came out of it a lot healthier than we probably deserved to be.

I hope you'll be one of that group too

D

Anna

John all any of us have is today.

Hopefully your test results will be good. But, if they're not, it's okay and you can deal with it. We all do things sometimes that are not the best for us. We are human. Right now, you have a choice of how to live today and what to do for yourself and your family.

Spinach

Thanks . My day to day life is on the whole fantastic . I'm a better person in so many ways and mainly happy.
It's not the regret we both know terrible things happen . It's the unspoken becoming spoken.
John.

artsoul

Well, you could always do something really special for her to show how much you appreciate her love and support....... make it personal (we women love that!) like a poem, or just a few sentences in a card...... Cook dinner for her..... plant a rosebush in her honor......

And, don't jump to conclusions.... (you know abdominal pain can be all kinds of things, so don't get into that all or nothing thinking!).:ghug3