I am tired of...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 14
I am tired of...
Quitting drinking - then starting drinking, then getting drunk, then regretting it, then quitting again, then starting again, then getting drunk again, then regretting it again... and on and on and on and on...
I'm also tired of saying I'm going to lose weight and then not doing anything about it. I can't stick to anything I say I'm going to do. I've tried "giving up" and just being happy with being an overweight drinker but I just can't. There is something inside of me that knows I was put on this earth to behave in a different way. I just know it...
It's as if I can see who I'm suppose to be. Wake up early, work out, eat a good breakfast, go to work and work hard, come home, fix dinner, play with the kids, read them books, put them to bed, maybe go for a walk at night, etc...
The only thing I stay 100% committed to are my wife and kids. Everything else is on a moment by moment basis. I can say to myself in the morning, you are not going to drink today and hold to it for 2 weeks. Then, suddenly out of the blue, I get this thought that says, "You're drinking tonight". I will then plan it out in my head, "what will I drink, where will I drink, what time will I start drinking, how much will I drink, etc..."
Same thing with losing weight. I can wake up and say "I'm going to the gym in one hour"... then start procrastinating and never do it.
I just feel like my actions rarely match my intentions. It's as if my body knows what it wants and my mind is trying to change the deal and it's not having any of it.
So... hear I sit on another Monday wanting to change my behavior for the millionth time and it's just getting really old.
It's like I'm sitting here waiting for my life to start and it has. I have many things good in my life but I feel that I'm not meeting my own inner potential so I feel bad about myself. It would be like Tiger Woods tying to convince himself that shooting 85 is good because many people can't shoot 85.
That is how I feel about my life. I can point to many people that "I have it better than" but who can't? The bottom line is I know I'm not behaving the way I'm suppose to and it's affecting me.
If anyone has been where I am and has turned things around, I'd love to hear about it.
Best of luck all...
I'm also tired of saying I'm going to lose weight and then not doing anything about it. I can't stick to anything I say I'm going to do. I've tried "giving up" and just being happy with being an overweight drinker but I just can't. There is something inside of me that knows I was put on this earth to behave in a different way. I just know it...
It's as if I can see who I'm suppose to be. Wake up early, work out, eat a good breakfast, go to work and work hard, come home, fix dinner, play with the kids, read them books, put them to bed, maybe go for a walk at night, etc...
The only thing I stay 100% committed to are my wife and kids. Everything else is on a moment by moment basis. I can say to myself in the morning, you are not going to drink today and hold to it for 2 weeks. Then, suddenly out of the blue, I get this thought that says, "You're drinking tonight". I will then plan it out in my head, "what will I drink, where will I drink, what time will I start drinking, how much will I drink, etc..."
Same thing with losing weight. I can wake up and say "I'm going to the gym in one hour"... then start procrastinating and never do it.
I just feel like my actions rarely match my intentions. It's as if my body knows what it wants and my mind is trying to change the deal and it's not having any of it.
So... hear I sit on another Monday wanting to change my behavior for the millionth time and it's just getting really old.
It's like I'm sitting here waiting for my life to start and it has. I have many things good in my life but I feel that I'm not meeting my own inner potential so I feel bad about myself. It would be like Tiger Woods tying to convince himself that shooting 85 is good because many people can't shoot 85.
That is how I feel about my life. I can point to many people that "I have it better than" but who can't? The bottom line is I know I'm not behaving the way I'm suppose to and it's affecting me.
If anyone has been where I am and has turned things around, I'd love to hear about it.
Best of luck all...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
That's why I quit joining a health club because
Id sign up for 3 months all gun ho and enthusiastic
about getting fit, then 2 months in, i quit going for
all sorts of reasons.
Same thing with drinking. As much as I wanted to quit
I couldnt commit to it full hearted. I had to ADMITT
I was POWERLESS over alcohol and my life had become
UNMANAGEABLE.
The very 1st step I took when I began my journey
in recovery. BUT.....it took a family intervention to
step in to get me help I couldnt do for myself.
Intervention where I stayed 28 days in rehab recieving
the tools and knowledge of my alcoholism. Rehab was
a great start for me in recovery because even tho
at the time i had no idea what was really going on
with me in my life, nor could i comprehend what
alcoholism was really about, it still was a safe harbor
or controlled enviroment for me which gave me a
chance to live those days without poison in my
system.
This approach to recovery has worked for me because
it was 21 yrs ago when my life began to change and
to learn to live it a day at a time without alcohol.
Today, i am still on my recovery journey, still sober,
and passing on my own experiences, strengths and
hopes of what life was like before during and after
alcohol.
I learned how to stay sober from many members
staying sober a day at a time for a long time and
now i pass on that knowledge to others that are
following me.
I was extremely grateful that I didnt then and still dont
now have to travel this road of recovery by myself.
Neither do you.
Id sign up for 3 months all gun ho and enthusiastic
about getting fit, then 2 months in, i quit going for
all sorts of reasons.
Same thing with drinking. As much as I wanted to quit
I couldnt commit to it full hearted. I had to ADMITT
I was POWERLESS over alcohol and my life had become
UNMANAGEABLE.
The very 1st step I took when I began my journey
in recovery. BUT.....it took a family intervention to
step in to get me help I couldnt do for myself.
Intervention where I stayed 28 days in rehab recieving
the tools and knowledge of my alcoholism. Rehab was
a great start for me in recovery because even tho
at the time i had no idea what was really going on
with me in my life, nor could i comprehend what
alcoholism was really about, it still was a safe harbor
or controlled enviroment for me which gave me a
chance to live those days without poison in my
system.
This approach to recovery has worked for me because
it was 21 yrs ago when my life began to change and
to learn to live it a day at a time without alcohol.
Today, i am still on my recovery journey, still sober,
and passing on my own experiences, strengths and
hopes of what life was like before during and after
alcohol.
I learned how to stay sober from many members
staying sober a day at a time for a long time and
now i pass on that knowledge to others that are
following me.
I was extremely grateful that I didnt then and still dont
now have to travel this road of recovery by myself.
Neither do you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,067
I've been there for sure JPGolfer... it's a VERY hard cycle to break. I was doing a lot of thinking about my "inner potential" this weekend myself... I kind of get sad that because of drinking mainly (99.999%) that I haven't lived up to it. Then I started thinking about how that's the PAST and going forward I can indeed change that. It gives me hope. My last drink was about 5 weeks ago and already I can see such a change... I have to keep reminding myself of how much change is taking place... and about how much more will happen going forward.
When I tried to quit in the past I always just assumed I could do it by myself. It wasn't until I got others involved (or removed) that it became possible. I advocate anything that will help you quit. AA... Shrinks... Church... Family... all these things can definately help. I think the key is choose one and get involved with it! Also you need to prepare yourself for those times that you get that thought, "You're drinking tonight." You know that it is coming... you have to prepare yourself to fight it off. With other people helping it can be a lot easier to do.
For me drinking was the only true reward that I've given myself. As time went on I'd give myself that reward for no reason... then eventually just to dull myself. Reinforcing something that you enjoy as a reward is a good idea. I've been putting the $$ amount I'd spend on booze in a jar everyday. It's a lot of money. I LIKE that jar being full. In my mind if I have a drink I KNOW that jar will be empty sooner than later. Just an example of something I've done differently this time... try to find some sort of reward for yourself instead of alcohol.
God bless buddy KEEP posting!
When I tried to quit in the past I always just assumed I could do it by myself. It wasn't until I got others involved (or removed) that it became possible. I advocate anything that will help you quit. AA... Shrinks... Church... Family... all these things can definately help. I think the key is choose one and get involved with it! Also you need to prepare yourself for those times that you get that thought, "You're drinking tonight." You know that it is coming... you have to prepare yourself to fight it off. With other people helping it can be a lot easier to do.
For me drinking was the only true reward that I've given myself. As time went on I'd give myself that reward for no reason... then eventually just to dull myself. Reinforcing something that you enjoy as a reward is a good idea. I've been putting the $$ amount I'd spend on booze in a jar everyday. It's a lot of money. I LIKE that jar being full. In my mind if I have a drink I KNOW that jar will be empty sooner than later. Just an example of something I've done differently this time... try to find some sort of reward for yourself instead of alcohol.
God bless buddy KEEP posting!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Welcome golfer. You have received great advice thus far.
Speaking of golf, my husband told me that Bubba doesn't touch alcohol. And look what he did yesterday. :-)
Keep posting, as that may help with both personal accountability and motivation. And as others said, it will help you figure out what your recovery plan might look like.
Speaking of golf, my husband told me that Bubba doesn't touch alcohol. And look what he did yesterday. :-)
Keep posting, as that may help with both personal accountability and motivation. And as others said, it will help you figure out what your recovery plan might look like.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Hey Golfer. I'm an AA guy and we have an "odd" way of handling the drinking cycle you talked about...... it's in step 1..... admit you CAN'T change it. Seems strange huh? .....thankfully there's more to step 1 and 11 steps to follow where the solution to your predicament lies.
It's almost hard for me to believe......it's almost been FIVE FRICKIN YEARS since my last drink. And I don't hardly remember setting my mind to "no drinking TONIGHT Michael" and actually sticking to it.
AA works (if you work the program).....maybe it's worth it to you to give it a shot?
It's almost hard for me to believe......it's almost been FIVE FRICKIN YEARS since my last drink. And I don't hardly remember setting my mind to "no drinking TONIGHT Michael" and actually sticking to it.
AA works (if you work the program).....maybe it's worth it to you to give it a shot?
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Originally Posted by jpgolfer 
... and on and on and on and on...
it's just getting really old.
it's just getting really old.
Knowing what I now know..... my plan would be to go to an AA meeting once per day for 7 days. That would qualify as doing something different. You can decide to do THAT at any time. If I could suggest anything better I would. But I can't.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: IA
Posts: 47
Wow, I could have written this post myself! Well, swap fiance with wife and it's nearly the same. It's exhausting to live in a body that has become something you don't recognize. I too feel like I try different methods and fail or give up every time....my problem is that I have no patience and get frustrated too quickly when I don't see miraculous results. Weight loss, getting in shape, quitting the drinking...part of my brain knows it takes time, but another part wants to see changes immediately in how I look and feel.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
I agree that taking action is hard to do.
The interesting thing I found though, is that when you do one thing, it will have a ripple effect in your life in a positive way. And, that is incentive to keep going. Try to keep your goals reasonable and pat yourself on the back when you succeed.
Also, for me, I had to believe that drinking was no longer an option, ever, and then my mind started working to find different ways to deal with life.
The interesting thing I found though, is that when you do one thing, it will have a ripple effect in your life in a positive way. And, that is incentive to keep going. Try to keep your goals reasonable and pat yourself on the back when you succeed.
Also, for me, I had to believe that drinking was no longer an option, ever, and then my mind started working to find different ways to deal with life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 43
When I started running 15 months ago I literally had to force myself to go...and I HATED it. With a passion. I weighed over 250 pounds and I couldn't run a quarter of a mile without stopping to walk. What was my motivation? Signing up for a race. It gave me a goal and a reason not to embarrass myself. I also signed up with a friend, who was also overweight. Together, we lost over 100 pounds in 5 months (because of our competitive nature). Now, I'm 6 weeks away from running my first half marathon. I've lost over 50 pounds and feel SO much better. And I can't picture running not being in my life now. If I don't run, I don't feel right. Sure, the first month was absolute torture, but my life has been so much better because of it. I'm still working on completely cutting out drinking, but I've made A LOT of progress from where I was.
The main point: Set a goal for yourself...and look for something that will make you stick to it. In my case, it was finishing a 10k in under an hour and winning a bet with a friend. It seemed so unreasonable at the time, but it happened.
Good luck, we're here for support!
The main point: Set a goal for yourself...and look for something that will make you stick to it. In my case, it was finishing a 10k in under an hour and winning a bet with a friend. It seemed so unreasonable at the time, but it happened.
Good luck, we're here for support!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: BC
Posts: 8
I am there.. I haven't turned it completely around yet, but I can relate.
The last two nights, I have managed to set small (SMALL! lol) goals for myself. I am a person who chugs their drink. I don't sip, I *down* it. :o So I have been setting the goal for myself to just Slow.It.Down. It's difficult! But the way I look at it, that's the first step in getting myself to cut down and then quit. The next morning- oh god, the next morning... I should feel terrible and be beating myself up as per usual, because I still drank a lot.. But I am trying to instead praise myself... Think "I did it, I feel less poor this morning, and I have proven that I can stick to a goal despite it being very difficult at night."
I think all or nothing thinking, at least for me, is self defeating. Sometimes it can be beneficial but I think for some people, appreciating the small milestones can be the boost you need to keep at it. I know I didn't become alcohol dependent overnight, so it most likely won't dissipate overnight either.. It takes work and energy, just like it did to become this far into it.
The last two nights, I have managed to set small (SMALL! lol) goals for myself. I am a person who chugs their drink. I don't sip, I *down* it. :o So I have been setting the goal for myself to just Slow.It.Down. It's difficult! But the way I look at it, that's the first step in getting myself to cut down and then quit. The next morning- oh god, the next morning... I should feel terrible and be beating myself up as per usual, because I still drank a lot.. But I am trying to instead praise myself... Think "I did it, I feel less poor this morning, and I have proven that I can stick to a goal despite it being very difficult at night."
I think all or nothing thinking, at least for me, is self defeating. Sometimes it can be beneficial but I think for some people, appreciating the small milestones can be the boost you need to keep at it. I know I didn't become alcohol dependent overnight, so it most likely won't dissipate overnight either.. It takes work and energy, just like it did to become this far into it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
I've been there, for sure, and I know many others here have as well. About this time last year I was working really hard to ruin my life forever. Things look way different from this vantage point. Something helpful that I needed to realize in order to change is that all decisions have a snowball effect. Bad things do - you've got plenty of experience to back that statement up - but good things do too. Unfortunately we can't change overnight. It just doesn't work that way. Start will small steps that are manageable and sustainable, whatever that means.
For me, at one point that meant I was going to brush my teeth each and every day. I know that sounds pathetic, but that's where I was at the time - extremely depressed. Start where you are. After a while, I started feeling like I could get dressed each morning, and then make sure I ate consistently... all of these very small steps snowballed and eventually pulled me out of my 10 year funk. Now I'm not so much of a snowball - more of a steamroller, lol. You can do this - so many of us here have when we thought it was impossible, unimaginable. Just start with what you can handle - willpower is like a muscle and you have to give it time. We're always here for you, so keep posting. I'm really looking forward to seeing your journey to the life you've always wanted
For me, at one point that meant I was going to brush my teeth each and every day. I know that sounds pathetic, but that's where I was at the time - extremely depressed. Start where you are. After a while, I started feeling like I could get dressed each morning, and then make sure I ate consistently... all of these very small steps snowballed and eventually pulled me out of my 10 year funk. Now I'm not so much of a snowball - more of a steamroller, lol. You can do this - so many of us here have when we thought it was impossible, unimaginable. Just start with what you can handle - willpower is like a muscle and you have to give it time. We're always here for you, so keep posting. I'm really looking forward to seeing your journey to the life you've always wanted
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by jpgolfer
The only thing I stay 100% committed to are my wife and kids. Everything else is on a moment by moment basis. I can say to myself in the morning, you are not going to drink today and hold to it for 2 weeks. Then, suddenly out of the blue, I get this thought that says, "You're drinking tonight". I will then plan it out in my head, "what will I drink, where will I drink, what time will I start drinking, how much will I drink, etc..."
Your commitment as a husband and father really popped out with that 100% figure, and when you said you "stay" that way. Those roles are very complex and describing your commitment to them at 100% is indicative of your desire to succeed at them. It's really not an unusual way to express the love of those roles, and I connect deeply with them, too, as a husband and father.
You have every capacity to include within your role as a husband and father the role of being a permanent abstainer, and you can peg that commitment at 100%, too. This may involve your re-evaluating the rightness or wrongness of your drinking ever again. But, it sounds like that re-evaluating has already been going on.
I quit drinking before I started a family and also before I got legally snookered into the Recovery Group Movement. I now know by getting stuck there, trying to change things from within and being too often away from my young family, I paid a very unnecessary toll on being a good father and husband.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
