Journaling
Sober Sailor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Everett, WA
Posts: 78
Journaling
Well, I attended my first group session today, and they are requiring that we write in a journal every day to be reviewed by our counselor. Nothing has to be said in particular just write how we are feeling. I decided I would write my journal entry on here, has anyone here felt the same way that I do? I am sure that my feelings aren't unique:
"09APR12
I have never journal-ed before, so this is a new experience for me. I am uncertain of what to expect to get out of IOP treatment, as I am a very prideful person. It was hard for me to admit that I thought I had a drinking problem, and now that I got a taste of other peoples relationship w/ alcohol, it makes me doubt me self referral... But now that I think about it, I think my self doubt comes from an underlying sense of, not wanting to give up my drinking permanently. I think that admitting that I need to abstain from drink is in a sense admitting that I am a failure at controlling myself. I'm going to stop here for now... This was easier than I thought."
"09APR12
I have never journal-ed before, so this is a new experience for me. I am uncertain of what to expect to get out of IOP treatment, as I am a very prideful person. It was hard for me to admit that I thought I had a drinking problem, and now that I got a taste of other peoples relationship w/ alcohol, it makes me doubt me self referral... But now that I think about it, I think my self doubt comes from an underlying sense of, not wanting to give up my drinking permanently. I think that admitting that I need to abstain from drink is in a sense admitting that I am a failure at controlling myself. I'm going to stop here for now... This was easier than I thought."
Sober Sailor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Everett, WA
Posts: 78
I decided I might need to clarify. I am journal-ing in an actual journal. But posting what I wrote on here for feedback purposes, outside of my counseling sessions. Ok, that is all.
Computer Experiment..Gone Bad!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Belize
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by Blaizze 
I have never journal-ed before, so this is a new experience for me. I am uncertain of what to expect to get out of IOP treatment, as I am a very prideful person."
First I want to commend you on posting your journal, that alone shows your commitment. I have never journal-ed either. After my third day sober I started reading up on RR/AVRT and decided I would write down what my triggers are. As I was writing I realized that most all my triggers revolved around PAIN (in many forms) I caused others and myself and social environment. I am also very prideful and had know idea how hard it was going to be to simply write down the facts of my addiction. Admitting what my week thoughts are. It would be so much easier to focus on our strengths but as we all know we have to admit and face the week ones in order to solve the root cause of our addiction.
I look forward to your journal posts and again want to say awsome job on posting them.
BD
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
In NA many of us do our stepwork using a guide that has questions that we write out.
This process was sort of a "targeted" journal for me. It helped me see where my sticky points are, the sorts of things my fears are clustered around etc, which is a very useful outcome.
I can't automatically alter my feelings just because I understand them more, but it does allow me to actually address them, catch myself before I act out of anger or fear, to my own detriment, etc.
You say you are a prideful person, then share that others shares have led to you questioning if you are an alcoholic or not. Perhaps that is pride raising its head. Maybe you feel like they are better at being an alcoholic than you, and that your stories aren't enough, or that they will find you a lightweight,etc.
I have noticed in many recovery meetings that they can quickly turn into "who's the worse" addict competitions.
Sometimes I felt ashamed to share because I felt like I wasn't part of the team, I was a waterboy they'd laugh off the bench. I decided I'd rather be a waterboy than some dead person carried off the field.
I have other talents that I can excel in and be honestly and rightly proud of, rather than prideful in.
This process was sort of a "targeted" journal for me. It helped me see where my sticky points are, the sorts of things my fears are clustered around etc, which is a very useful outcome.
I can't automatically alter my feelings just because I understand them more, but it does allow me to actually address them, catch myself before I act out of anger or fear, to my own detriment, etc.
You say you are a prideful person, then share that others shares have led to you questioning if you are an alcoholic or not. Perhaps that is pride raising its head. Maybe you feel like they are better at being an alcoholic than you, and that your stories aren't enough, or that they will find you a lightweight,etc.
I have noticed in many recovery meetings that they can quickly turn into "who's the worse" addict competitions.
Sometimes I felt ashamed to share because I felt like I wasn't part of the team, I was a waterboy they'd laugh off the bench. I decided I'd rather be a waterboy than some dead person carried off the field.
I have other talents that I can excel in and be honestly and rightly proud of, rather than prideful in.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
You asked for feedback so I'll share my opinion/experience.
1. Write more than a paragraph.... 1 page is my minimum
2. Don't post it here - the feedback you get will come from "us as we experience what you write." How what you write applies to me won't help you nearly as much as how what you write applies to you. And actually......me sharing my stuff could knock you off your OWN course. I've had some REALLY cool "revelations" from writing......but they needed to come from within me.....not from someone else. It's like meditation.
3. Keep doing it. Have a set time each day to write. Don't let ONE day go by where you skip or it can set you up to quitting altogether. I've got 100's and 100's of pages of journals and I didn't like writing it most days but if I don't miss one day.....I keep the process going.
4. Be careful even sharing them with your therapist...... THAT you're writing is good. Again, be careful with too much input from others......even the therapist. I spoke about my writings with my therapist and I speak about it at meetings. What DOES work is sharing that stuff.....but watch sharing ALL of it. A lot of the input you get will be counterproductive....very counterproductive. I didn't listen when I was given that same warning.....I found out the hard way to not share everything with everyone all the time. Open, honest......willing to share........ sure. It's just not ALWAYS best to share it ALL with EVERY single person out there.......that's all. Hope that makes sense.
5. Paper and pen is MUCH > keyboard and Microsoft Word. There's just something about paper and pen that makes it work better. Not being able to go back and edit paper and pen has been a HUGE blessing. Some of the stuff I would have deleted on a word processor turned out to be KEY points in my writings.
6. Keep it fun. Writing it out......then typing it out......may get to be like work. If it's not fun, we tend to stop doing it.
1. Write more than a paragraph.... 1 page is my minimum
2. Don't post it here - the feedback you get will come from "us as we experience what you write." How what you write applies to me won't help you nearly as much as how what you write applies to you. And actually......me sharing my stuff could knock you off your OWN course. I've had some REALLY cool "revelations" from writing......but they needed to come from within me.....not from someone else. It's like meditation.
3. Keep doing it. Have a set time each day to write. Don't let ONE day go by where you skip or it can set you up to quitting altogether. I've got 100's and 100's of pages of journals and I didn't like writing it most days but if I don't miss one day.....I keep the process going.
4. Be careful even sharing them with your therapist...... THAT you're writing is good. Again, be careful with too much input from others......even the therapist. I spoke about my writings with my therapist and I speak about it at meetings. What DOES work is sharing that stuff.....but watch sharing ALL of it. A lot of the input you get will be counterproductive....very counterproductive. I didn't listen when I was given that same warning.....I found out the hard way to not share everything with everyone all the time. Open, honest......willing to share........ sure. It's just not ALWAYS best to share it ALL with EVERY single person out there.......that's all. Hope that makes sense.
5. Paper and pen is MUCH > keyboard and Microsoft Word. There's just something about paper and pen that makes it work better. Not being able to go back and edit paper and pen has been a HUGE blessing. Some of the stuff I would have deleted on a word processor turned out to be KEY points in my writings.
6. Keep it fun. Writing it out......then typing it out......may get to be like work. If it's not fun, we tend to stop doing it.
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