got kicked out of a group;(
 

I am really bumped. I am part of a groupt hat discusses Meditation and Spiritual growth or at least they claimed that. I participated for the last 6 month every second week, I would go there. Now the thing was I asked a lot of questions and I asked them to learn more about the topic, and I am sceptical by nature. Turns out after the last meeting I got an email saying the organizer of the group kicked me out since he wants only people in the group that embrace meditation and not people who are not into the direction he follows. How do you deal with these things. It hurts me because he did not even tell me in person and just wrote an official email kicking me out of his group. And second his statement is not true, since I only asked these questions to learn. According to him I guess I should have just believed everythign he said and not question his authority. How do you deal with the hurt, shame and rejection feelings? :c020: This really sucks since he was very friendly to me all the time and never mentioned anyhting is bothering him.

Sounds to me like it's not a group you want to be part of SASA.

Find another one thats really about Meditation and Spiritual Growth and not the leaders ego or his inability to handle dissension :)

Try not to be upset about it - I like being a questioner - it doesn't sound like it's your problem to me :)

D

It sounds like he did you a favor, SASA. I bet there is something better right around the corner. :)

Ditto Stairs... He definitely did you a favor.

This is the reason I don't attend church, meditate with others, or really discuss my spirituality outside of my home. When it comes to such issues, the nut-to-normal ratio is a bit on the high side for my liking, particularly among those that fashion themselves as 'leaders'. Not saying there aren't a lot of great people in such institutions. But I just don't have the patience to separate the wheat from the chafe.

Why be hurt? The guy can't do anything more than send you an email? Zero character. You're better than that, right? Then don't worry about what he thinks. It isn't worth your mental energy.

I wouldn't take it personally...sounds like he has a fragile ego.

Sounds like a f-cking douche bag to me. I wouldn't stress it, he obviously thinks he's hot s-hit. I completely understand why you'd be mad about that, find another group that doesn't judge you.

I am sorry that you aren't feeling good about it. You mentioned that you asked them to "learn more about it". When you asked your questions was it in a friendly tone & non confrontational manner? Telling others that they need to "learn about it" can upset people easily, maybe you could have shared that you read something different or asked them to clarify further.

I am sure you will find another group, check out Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup for some other groups in your area. Check out the spiritual section on here if you would like to have an open discussion on the issue you were having.

Take care & all of the best in your recovery ~NB :ring

Cult leaders don't like people who do too much thinking.

Self Help Guru Now on Trial for Manslaughter in Sweat Lodge Deaths - *****! Voices - voices.*****.com

If the group is something you really like, would it hurt to email back and ask him to re-consider?

Thank you all. I am just hurt. It is like any way i turn people hurt me. But i need to get out and socialize. I try to open up to people and i guess i need to learn that not everybody is gonna like me. I also should learn it is their problem not mine. Moving on. I know for any door that closes another one opens and rejection is part of live...... thank you all for makiny me feel better. And yes i asked the questions politely,......

I run meditation groups and if someone started trying to tell the group what to study, I would probably ask them to leave. I teach meditation is a very specific way. Not all forms of meditation are suitable or safe for 'westeners' - some are specifically designed for people who are in retreat from the world. I tell people that my philosophy is mine and that they are free to agree or disagree. Some people have left the group because they didn't agree and that's fine. They can start their own group if they have their own agenda to promote but I'm not going to engage in a debate or let them derail the class if everyone else is happy with the way things are going.

It's possible that the other members of the group thought you were interrupting and distracting rather than helpfully pointing out things they could study.

There's nothing to stop YOU doing more study on things you're intersted in or sceptical about, but it's not your job to point that out to other people unless you're specifically asked.

You have NO idea where people are at, what their level of knowledge or experience is or even if what you have to say is of interest to them. Is is not your responsibility to enlighten them.

A facilitated discussion group isn't a forum for you to start arguing with the faciitator or pointing out what you think is wrong or questionable. If you don't like it, leave the group or ask to talk to the facilitator at another time. Don't disrupt the group. I often get email or calls froms students with questions and things they don't understand - we discuss it and move on. We don't disrupt the whole class with an issue one person has if it's going to require more than a few minutes discussion. If most people have the same question or issue, then we discuss it in class.

Don't try and force the group to change. If you think it's doing damage to people, then sure, make a statement to that effect and give people your contact details if they want to follow up with you, but again, leave if it's not for you. Don't expect people to change to suit the way you want to study.

Many people attend such classes for companionship, down time, an opportunity to connect with like minded souls - not necessarily to have every topic subjected to academic rigour and debate. As for being a sceptic, I think that's a good thing - after 15 years of working in the healing/new age/spiritual industry I'm probably one of the biggest sceptics out there, but bringing it up in a class full of people who don't require the same kind of proof as you is not going to win you friends. Many people are open minded about things - they neither believe 100% nor disbelieve 100% and are quite happy to stay in that space and not dissect everything.

Having said tht though, I think the teacher was wrong to not speak to you in person and give you the opportunity to change the way you communicate. If you were in one of my groups, I'd tell you that I think it's great you're asking questions and I'd be happy to discuss it, but let's do it after the group as I have a particular curriculum to get through and that's what people have paid for, not to hear you and I debate things. If I wanted you to leave the group, I'd remind you of the above conversation and tell you it's really important that you above by this and if you can't, then I'd have to ask you to leave the group as it's detracting from the expereince everyone else is having. I might even help you to try to find a group that is more suited to your learning style.

A teacher who won't give you any opportunity at all to disagree or question the teachings is not someone you want to be around at all. You may have dodged a bullet.

Hi Tigerlili, I agree and this is why I ususally did maybe ask 1 to 2 questions per group settings (over 2h) and this only when he asked specifically what other people think about the topic. And he asked others to share their experiences. And just to let you know the last group when he kicked me out we were 6 people there, it was him, his wife, me and 3 others. From the 3 others 2 were completly new to the topic and had never heard before of it. I also emailed him right after and apologized for the questioning, saying that in future I will not ask too many questions. I know he was upset on this night that not more people showed up and he already was in a bad mood.

This doesn't sound like the right type of individual to lead a meditation & spirituality group. It sounds like there's way too much ego involved, and truth be told, he probably didn't know how to answer your questions.

I'd say look for a different group.

I am looking, just sad, but it is a good reason to try my learned recovery skills and move forward :). I am sure things happen for a reason and maybe I am destined to move on and learn more deeply.

Sorry to hear that Sasa...

I can tell you this......every time something like that has happened to me.....I was at fault.

I don't buy the "it was a cult" stuff. I mean, maybe it was......but that's not been part of my experience.

Sometimes, as another post brought up, my "honest questions" should be brought up at another time. Sometimes my natural defiance has me questioning things just to question them.....to "test" ppl. Sometimes my questions are somewhat "aggressive" in nature. Usually......there's some form of me being a pain in the a$$ and "they" ask me to leave.

I'm an AA guy so one of the practices I try to live by is this: if something is bothering me, the problem is within ME. Am I remorseful cuz I know I was "screwing up" or taking the easy way out? Did I cut corners? Was I kind and loving to "them" all the time? Did I expect things to go my way all the time? Did I think I could do what I wanted to do even though "they" didn't appreciate it? etc.....

As I identify things I could have done better / differently......I get to a place where I can understand where they were coming from more easily. Then, can go make amends and.....from there......decide if I want to be part of that group or not. --to be a group there have to be soooome kinds of rules (and I'm a noooootorious rule-bender/breaker).

SASA when you say you asked them to learn more, do you mean that you asked questions to learn more about the topic? Or that you asked the group to learn more about the subject? I think some people here are confused about what you asked.

I asked them questions about the topic. Usually to understand better the topic for myself or I mentioend where I strugled with. As I said I usually kept it at 2 questions per meeting and they were very brief questions it was not that I was agressive or so asking them, I asked very politly. Daytrader: Usually I always give the fault to myself and believe me I am already asking myself what did I do wrong. And I am always the 1st to say I did something wrong and admit it. Why did I not see this coming? It hit me out of nowhere, honestly. The thing that hurts me most it was after I was most vulnerable. At the last meeting there were only 6 people there including me and it was the 1st time I opened somewhat up. And then I get the cold email being kicked out afterwards. When I say I opened up I explained where I struggle with the meditation and thoughts and I only told this, since they asked.

one example we were talking about personality types and everybody had an exercise to find out what type of personality they are. We were going around and everybody told I am type A, I am type C etc. When it came to me I told them I have no answer. I did the test multiple times at home and ended up every time being a different type and asked them why it could be. They did not like this, but I was honest about it.
Another time they discussed values in life and my questionw was how do you know the value you chose is the right one.

I know it's difficult not to take something like this personally, but you know that other people can't make you feel any particular way. The world doesn't determine our emotions. How we choose to react to it does.

It sounds like you're upset the guy in question doesn't understand your viewpoint. Well... that's life. While we'd like everyone to understand us, that rarely happens. And likewise - how often do we really understand the motivations of others? Some people simply don't click with one another. That's not necessarily a reflection on you. Nor is it necessarily a reflection on him. Maybe he'll just be one of the rest of the millions of people who won't be sending you a Christmas card this year. So what!? There are just as many people out there who you DO click with.

If this was a misunderstanding, or something you honestly feel was a failing on your part, then clarify yourself, or apologize - not out of guilt, but in the effort to improve yourself. If you feel you have no reason to do either, then let it go... you'll find other people who are a better fit. But in either case, don't beat yourself up over it. You shouldn't be looking to cast blame - not on him nor yourself. What is, is.

I've suffered from plenty of issues w/ my father. For all my life I'd wanted him to understand me. To understand the pain & hurt he inflicted on me. To understand how his constant abandonment tormented me. What I realized in the end was that - no matter how much I wished it - nothing was ever going to change. I can't force him to view things through my eyes. It was a tough pill to swallow, but now that I'm starting to come to terms with the reality of the situation, it's helping me to finally stop taking it personally. And to let it go.