Jeni26

Got a day with my extended family today. Huge problems with untreated alcohol addiction there with my dad, brother and sister attending who I know will be drinking to excess. They will expect me to do the same and I haven't spoken to them about my sobriety.

I feel strong and positive but know I'm going to be bombarded with questions and ridicule at not joining them.

There is a local AA meeting tonight and I'm going to try and get back in time to make it though have never been before so am anxious about that too.

Wish me luck!

awuh1

Looks like you have two tests today. I would avoid the family if you can. If not, have an escape plan. A away to leave if things become difficult. Then, just listen if that’s all you want to do at the meeting. Tell people it’s your first meeting if you can…. Really. You’ll get a warm welcome in all likelihood. Let us know how it goes.

epskie

Jeni I have just posted on the other thread about my first meeting last night - please make time for your meeting - I truly feel like I've taken my first step now.

Regards to the family gathering (Easter is so alcohol heavy here in the UK isn't it?) I had to do the same thing on Good Friday; it was difficult - I took my car do nobody really pressured me but I could smell it constantly and even just the talk of it made my cravings worse - but I did it! If you don't feel like having the sobriety talk yet (which I didn't) you could always say you're on antibiotics. Good luck xx

ShaneW

Jeni - awuh1's suggestion of an escape plan is right on. Or just avoid the family all together if you can. Making your recovery the #1 priority in your life is the only way it works. If you find yourself in a situation where your sobriety may be in jeopardy, then get the F outta there. btw - Telling your family about the changes you are making can come later...no reason to rush it.

and Yes-Yes-Yes go to the meeting. I know its scary. I was nervous & scared walking into my 1st meeting just 2 months ago. I had shaky voice, and the flop sweats due to nerves and sleep deprivation. But they welcomed me with open arms & 2 rounds of applause (after I said that I was new & after I picked up 24-hr chip) Most every meeting I have gone to since has been very welcoming and full of good people.

If they ask if anyone at the meeting is new to AA, be sure to speak up...that way they will come to you and offer their help & phone numbers. Those phone numbers will be key early on...when youre stressing over a situation (like this with your family) being able to pick up phone and call a bunch of other people, who have been right where you are...who have gone through what you are going through...its a life saver. All meetings are different, but I would suggest a Open Beginners meeting if you can find one. Just go in with an open mind, and after saying you are new, just listen. Share if you want, but you dont have to (I did not at 1st meeting). And def let us know how the whole day goes. Good Luck.

I wrote on epskies thread that going to my 1st AA meeting (and continuing to go after) was the best decision I have ever made. Corny, but very true. Lots of those people I met at my first meeting are now my friends who I see or speak to daily...

Jeni26

Thanks so much Shane. Guess its the same for everyone, doesn't help that I'm without transport this weekend so am having to walk to a local meeting where I'm terrified I will meet someone I know!!

Still, one step at a time. Am getting a lift to family event so not easy to escape though do feel quite positive I will be able to cope with that cos at the moment the thought of drinking turns my stomach. Still close enough for me to remember the awful hangovers and am feeling so much better physically and mentally without it.

Thanks for your support xx

ShaneW

Yep, its the same for everyone. Nervous, scared, not sure what to expect...just go in with open mind. "I have learned that growth comes from getting out of my comfort zone." (someone wrote that on one of my 1st posts here on SR and its stuck with me big time). I listened to upbeat music to set myself in a positive mood before I went in...

I completely understand the fear of seeing someone you know. I was the same way in the beginning. However, if you think of it this way...that they would be there for the same reason. So, after thinking of it that way, I almost started looking forward to meeting someone I knew previously. When I ran into the 1st person I knew from my past, it was awesome! It made me feel not alone. To see someone I already knew, there in AA...that and I had an instant friend in that room and a sense of calm. That was my experience. I now talk to that person each week and have met up and gone to meetings together. I know its a scary thought, but in reality it was the opposite for me when it actually happened.

Spinach

Good luck with everything.
Come back later and tell us all.
John.

heath480

jeni,hope today goes well for you,I always have an escape plan with any drinking situation I am in,my sobriety is the most important thing I have.

You will be fine at the meeting,look forward to hearing how you get on.

Sapling

Hey Jeni...I had to do this with my family my first month sober...A family reunion for a week with a lot of drinking....I only went two days because I felt like I had to...I'd show up with a six pack of bottled water and always had one in my hand...Nobody asked me if I needed something to drink that way....You can just say you're not feeling well and you're not up to drinking today....That should be enough. Don't worry about the meeting...If by some odd chance...You ran into someone you know....They'd be there for the same reason you are....To quit drinking for good...Could make for a great new friendship...Have a great Easter Jeni!

MemphisBlues

J
Go to the meeting?

And so what if you see someone you know? Guess what? They just might be the person you were supposed to meet?

Congrats on your determination. That speaks volumes. As for the family putting a lot of pressure on you, why not put a little on them? Just say, hey, not drinking...does that threaten you or something?

I was around family that drank to excess in my first sober months, and it sucked, but I was also sick at the time so had an excuse to be surly (not recommended) and feeling a lot of self pity (also not recommended).

Just make an early exit?

Best of luck and thanks for posting.

Alfie3

Hi Jeni,

Good luck today. I have the same type of problem. The rest of my family drink heavily and If I don't join in they go on and on asking why not. It's almost as though I'm ruining their day by not drinking. Crazy!
Anyway, A little episode happened last night that strenghtend my resolve never to drink again. My Sister was rushed to hospital yesterday and her husband had to stay at home with her baby. As I was sober I drove to the hospital, stayed with her and brought her home around midnight. (she is ok now). Anyway during all this my Dad, who is a very heavy drinker, decided to get totally plastered so he couldn't drive to the hospital and would not have been able to pick my sister up if she needed to get home. Apparantly it was all such a worry for him that he NEEDED a drink. Unbelievable! Anyway, I hope it all goes well today and do not let your family pressure you into drinking. It really isn't worth it.

regeneration

Jeni26, hello! You're in London aren't you?

Make sure you try out lots of meetings if the one tonight doesn't work in the long-term. I'm in London and the great thing about it is that you have a fair bit of choice around you. I've been sober a short while, and sometimes I've been to the odd meeting where it isn't right, felt down, then the next one has been totally different (I'd go as far to say amazing in some cases).

I'm female, and generally there is a good balance in the London groups. However one group I do like going to sometimes only has one women in it, so you won't get the person chairing the group asking for someone to tell you about sponsorship (I'm assuming that was why it didn't happen). In a lot of ways, that is good for me. I'm socially anxious but more comfortable chatting to men initially as I grew up with brothers, but I do need a female support environment, and working on getting one.

I don't want to be negative as I'm learning a lot from meetings.... just that London is a big city and sometimes different meetings offer different things.

If you are in north london happy to email you a couple of meetings I really like (there is one where lots of people put their hands up to offer sponsorship and they invited everyone for coffee.. I was just too scared to go, that will change this week).

Good luck, excited for you, let us know how it goes.

hypochondriac

Good luck Jeni and stay strong.

I had a similar thing yesterday. It annoyed/annoys me how much people make a big deal if you're not drinking, especially at certain events and holidays. It all goes to reinforce the idea that you can't enjoy life without drinking, which as we all know, is complete rubbish

Good luck with your meeting too.

Jeni26

Hi. Thanks for that but I actually live in Essex so won't be going as far as London for meetings. I got a list of groups fairly local to here but only one that am able to get to today without transport. If all goes well I can travel further afield on other days when I get my car back.

At the image of the dad getting drunk in order to 'deal' with his daughter taken into hospital set off a memory in my mind. Before I got married 21 years ago my dad spent the 6 weeks before the wedding on a complete bender, drunk and abusive and would wander around the house being sick or urinating anywhere but the toilet. Apparently it was my fault as he was stressed about the wedding. Just before Christmas my sisters baby was taken into hospital and it looked quite serious for a while. My dads idea of support for her was exactly the same, the 'stress' made him drink himself into oblivion!

Isn't it strange how memories surface after a while? I grew up thinking this behaviour was normal, funny even!

Thank god I've woken up, better late than never!!

sugarbear1

Bring a book and go sit somewhere to read it if you are stressed and can't leave. Call a friend on the phone, do something, maybe watch the telly and just focus. You'll get through this!

2granddaughters

Jeni, get some of the girl's telephone numbers and go to meetings together. You can repay the free rides later. Going with your fellows makes it easier to stick to your schedule and keeps us accountable to one-another.

All the best.

Bob R

Jeni26

I did it!!

Survived a day with my family drinking nothing but lemonade and didn't feel any compulsion to drink anything stronger.

Also went to my very first AA meeting, and so very pleased I did. Everyone was just so welcoming and friendly. I was shaking like a leaf when I arrived and told them it was my first meeting. My fears of meeting someone I knew were unfounded but I left with people's phone numbers and know they will be a great support to me.

There were people from all walks of life who were completely non judgemental about each other. It felt like a family but not one I grew up experiencing. This one felt strong and supportive.

Sorry if I sound gushing but I never thought I would have the strength to do this on my own and now I realise I don't have to.

Thanks to everyone who encouraged me to take this first step xx

heath480

That is good news jeni,glad the day with your family went well.Pleased you enjoyed the meeting and got phone numbers.

Wishing you well.

awuh1

So good to hear that Jen. A short story with a happy ending. It was an important day! If you are like me, you have found a great group of folks. Some will be friends, some mentors, and a few will just seem to be a pain in the a$$, but all can be guides on that longer journey. Here’s hoping yours is a meaningful one.

Sapling

Sounds like a productive day Jeni...With the family and AA...Which I call my second family..That's wonderful....I'd say you passed with flying colors....I know the one thing I really felt leaving my first meeting was HOPE....Did you feel like that at all?