How do you Remember?
 

Really, how do you keep from forgetting the horror of drinking, all of the bad things associated with alcohol and drinking? I'm a "re treader". This is my 7th attempt, and I'm a couple weeks in. The further away I get from that last drink, the more I magically forget what it did to me. The hangovers, blackouts, shame and guilt and self hatred. I forget all about it, and pick up again. I'm terrified I will never break this cycle. Would seriously love to hear from y'all how you have managed to keep remembering how awful drinking really was? Thank you!

I have the opposite problem - I can't forget. I have flashbacks and I re-play incidents over and over every day. I'd love to be able to forget, lol!

I do what someone else said on these forums, just "Flash forward" and think about having a few beers drinks and where it ALWAYS leads to. The hiding alcohol/deathly hangovers/stench/puke etc etc it ALWAYS leads back to all this.

I'm 11 years into recovery, and I will never forget those things. I don't focus on them for sure, but the memories are there.

I found the answer to this in the Big Book...Like every other answer I looked for.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use anyhow?"


bb first edition

Yep, as darkdays said; I am able to take a few deep breaths and think the drink session through. The thought always started\starts with "just have one or two", but in reality I have (just about) never left a beer store with less than a 12-pack.. ever. Every day\week there are so many reminders here at SR of the dreaded relapse and the increasingly harder climb to get back out of the 'bottom' they just dug.

I remember and can't forget.

Maybe write a letter to yourself, print it out or use pen and paper and post it where you look--underwear drawer or somewhere....

I developed my own method for this, which worked 100% when I quit smoking. And so far, it seems to be working for booze.

I force myself to sit down - daily - and study the catastrophic effects of alcohol. I'll look at pictures of people dying of liver disease. I'll read stories here of the harm done to families & friends. I'll go over my own list of people I've hurt and the damage I've caused.

But most importantly, while I'm doing this, I allow (and encourage, even force) myself to feel anger. To feel hate. To despise alcohol. To see it as the poison it is. I also will force myself to do the same - feel the same anger & hate - anytime the thought pops into my head suggesting that booze is pleasurable in any way. The act of binding strong negative emotion to the imagery is of paramount importance.

Alcohol and drugs - in a very literal sense - reprogram our brains. This 'reprogramming' (excuse the oversimplification) associates pleasure with consumption. The tool I described above simply counteracts this programming. This isn't something you can half-ass though. The programming you're combating has been reinforced & strengthened over the course of your drinking career. To actually win the war, that means you have to spend just as much, or more, time and focused mental energy teaching yourself to hate it.

Dunno if it will work for you, but I think anyone willing to give it an honest go will see results. For the first time in my life, I can say, without a shred of doubt, that I won't ever smoke again in my life. The thought of smoking literally turns my stomach. I'd rather eat a cockroach. I'm not quite there yet w/ alcohol, but I'm making progress every day. I can feel the disgust rising, and it feels great !!! :D

This is a fantastic idea. If you don't yet hate booze, you can learn to. Personally, I'd sooner drink battery acid than drink alcohol again. I wish I had been smart enough to learn to associate yucky feelings with drinking instead of doing things so stupid I can't help feeling that way now.

On a related note, I just walked past a guy who smells just like stale PBR - I remember that stench coming from my pores every morning. Eeeeeww. I wanted to gag when I smelled it.

Yeah, I'd take the cockroach soaked in battery acid over a cocktail any day.

Smart? Ha ha. Hardly. Let's see - I came up with this idea in my late 30s. I started smoking when I was a freshman in HS. And in-between I quit countless times, only to return each & every time, long after the physical withdrawals had ceased.

3 decades to come up with a simple plan of action isn't exactly brilliant :c031:

Cockroaches in battery acid... lol... tangy!

I found coming here daily really helped me 'not forget'.

I always forgot too - or more accurately I was able to rationalise myself into drinking again - being part of SR makes that harder, I think.

I think anvil has a point tho, Eliasson - many of us get to a point we've forgotten so many times it really needs to stop being about remembering or forgetting - we have to accept who (and what) we are, accept that we have an addiction, and make that commitment to changing our lives - I know I had to.

Maybe the AVRTers have it down on this one?
I will never drink again and I will never change my mind... :)

D

I go to meetings regularly.
My sponsor said "If you don't go to meetings, you won't find out what happens to people who don't go to meetings".

I suffer from alcoholism... the "ISM stands for "Incredibly Short Memory".
That's why I have to subject myself to the ongoing program of the 12 Steps and AA.... I NEED that group therapy. It's my choice.

I have made a promise not to tell folks here to go to AA, so I won't.

All the best.

Bob R

It's easy to forget.... I think that's because when we're sober, we feel in control again. To maintain, I come to this forum every day...... In the beginning, I came here as often as I sensed myself "forgetting", sometimes for hours, and would read until I felt firm in my commitment again. I needed constant reminding and I got that from reading the posts here. It also gave me new insights and ideas about staying sober.

The addicted part of our thinking is so strong - it doesn't go away just because we put the bottle or drug down. I think the trick is to expect it and prepare for it. It does get easier (thank goodness!):c031:

My buddy said he'd rather french-kiss a cobra than put a bottle in his mouth... his chances of living were better.

All the best.

Bob R

this is a great idea and I think I'm going to give it a shot.

With me I don't think it is about forgeting or remembering but kind of visualizing. I started thinking about quiting when I was still enjoying drinking every night, but it was starting to cause problems. Then when I couldn't or wouldn't quit (whichever word you like more) I very slowly started to realize how much of a hold alcohol had over me and where the choices I was making were going to take me in the long run. I had to decide that I didn't want to end up there, drinking myself into oblivion every night alone with no ambition to do anything else. The eventual work problems possible joblessness, lonliyness (I already have that one but it could get worse) . All that jazz that you read about here and know that eventually will come your way if you don't stop. Through on top of that it wasn't making me happy anymore (that one took a while to realize) and you have what convinced me that I needed to quit. I thought about that for a while and then convinced myself that I wanted to quit. I think that things that I am going to have to deal with is my AV trying to convince me of two things one that I wasn't that bad, because I wan't yet, but I was well on my way. two that drinking was fun, which it was sometimes, but most of the time it had became a daily necessity rather than a pleasurable occasion.

But I am getting long winded, anyhow the short version for me it is not the past but where I was going to be in the future with continued drinking, I don't want that. So now I have quit.

I hope that helps.

I had to just accept I would never drink again. ACCEPTANCE. Meaning being ok with it. I think most people have a hard time b/c they want to hold on to the hope that one day, you'll be normal, you'll be able to have a glass of wine w/ dinner, a beer at a BBQ. That is NEVER going to happen for us. We've proved it to ourselves again & again.
I remember thinking I'll just have a few drinks tonight & that's it. After the first sip, I was already planning on drinking tomorrow.
It never ends.

By accepting I will never drink again, no matter what, I have freed myself from the prison of wanting. Of arguing with myself. Or my AV.
It's not I who wants the drink, but my addictive beast. So I starve him, pay him no attention. He's become quite mute.
But I had to want sobriety more than anything & be willing to give it up forever.
I don't miss it at all, the pain, suffering, time, attention it stole from me.
No thank you.
I'm finally free of the beast inside of me. He has no power. I only thought he did.

My therapist once asked me what my very first drink experience was. Then think about the last time I drank & the stark contrast between the feelings. He said we continue to chase that "first" experience. But it will never be the same b/c we are not the same.

Just make the decision that drinking is absolutely not an option ever again. It has worked for me. Best wishes.

I think coming here daily really helps you to remember. After a while, after you start to heal and life starts becoming normal, all you have to do is remember that you are one drink away from losing the sobriety you've worked so hard for. That's what keeps me sober now. I just know it as an undeniable fact: that if I started drinking again my life would turn to total ****.

I do the reverse: I look at how much better things are now, not drinking.:) My biggest visual encouragement is my dogs happy healthy shiny selves. They are in such good shape cause I don't drink anymore.:) So instead of focusing on the negatives of drinking, I focus on the positives of living sober. Makes me want to keep on doing it.:)