Crap!!!! Last night blew up!
 

I went to an AA meeting yesterday. Fairly high from some pot and 1mg xanax. Left early and went to the bar. My best friend and her bf met me up there and hubby came later. I was drunk after 2 when they got there (probably xanax didn't help) and proceded to have quite a few more. Today I learned that I told them all I had just come from AA and then told them about my pain pill addiction. My secret. I am horrified at myself for doing so. I also called a woman from AA later in the night (at least I can track some of the night from my cell phone). She texted this morning and said I agreed to meet her at a 10am mtg. Better go shower. I remember nothing after my first 2 drinks and I have this sinking feeling hubby is pissed at me.

So, what will you do differently today in order to stay sober?

Valuable lesson you learned.........GOING TO AA MEETINGS WON'T GET/KEEP YOU SOBER anymore than it'll get/keep me sober. The HELP.......sure........but that's not a powerful enough solution for me either.

I needed something with REAL power to get recovered. Ya see, recovery in AA comes from "working" AA. Working AA means working the steps......period. Meetings are where ppl in AA go to (hopefully) talk about how they're working the steps. Sadly, maaaany meetings have turned into group therapy and nobody talks about working steps.

The steps are like a map......how to get from alcoholic to recovered alcoholic. Follow the may, you'll get recovered. Take a different route, maybe you'll get to the same place, maybe you won't. We're a critical egotistical bunch.....if any of us had found a faster easier route, we'd have changed the book somewhere along the past 75+ years. It's still the most simple and reliable way I know. Meetings......that's where we go to talk about following the map...... hopefully.

Talking about a map is FAR from following the map......obviously.

Glad you had the same experience I had......and got it early like I did......meetings are well and good but they're not the solution to what ails me. :)

You had the courage to post this today and the draw to come to this site...things are working for you. Life is a process, not a destination. Keep your chin up. One slip doesn't mean you've fallen completely down...it is not an all-or-nothing battle. Learn from this and really ask yourself what you can do differently this time. Thank you for your post...very honest and from the heart.

Maybe - just maybe this is the best thing that could have happened.

This might be a really funny story to look back on after a few years of sobriety. Hope it works out that way for you.

Oh that sucks. I remember that sinking feeling. And then the outright in my face expression my husband gave me. I felt like a piece of sh*t. I write a lot when I'm down and it helps. Fortunately I wrote a lot when drunk - and now I have something to look back to when I forget about how bad it was or how bad I was. I hope today is better for you and you find your way.

I did the same damn thing yesterday except my AA meeting was the gym. I said I am going to the gym, going home for a protein shake/shower, then going to run errands. I went to the gym, protein shake, then shower. I was feeling good. I was almost sober all day, but my "errand" ended up being a "pit" stop at the bar and 2 hours later and a $35 tab which consisted of $30 in happy hour booze and a heavy buzz. And a walk home. Awesome.:tapping

Today is Friday. I have made the same plan. Let's hope it works. BTW, I have also walked out of two AA meetings and headed straight to the bar. You never feel worse then that in the morning. At least for me. Try again today! That is what I am going to do.

I definately ditto that!!!
I have a notebook that I have just finished... I write everything down... when I was drunk I knew I would have to write thoughts/actions down because I would forget it next day... Then I used this same book for when I was in hospital, ie. what to watch on TV, secretly bitching about the nurses etc... then I have used the last section of my notebook for the last 7 months which is sobriety... list of things to do, stuff I have to sort out that was left untouched... bills etc, phone numbers, useful things) definately a book of 3 halves... a diverse and interesting read!!!
I may publish it when I'm famous ha ha!! :c031:

The 24 Hour-A-Day post by Veritas1 this morning describes our problem quite well..
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hours-day.html

Read today's Daily Reflections as well and see if you can identify.

I had to have all hope of doing this MY way dashed, I had to come to the point where I was hopeless and had to surrender or die. Hopefully you get there soon and "commit" to AA.

You have to commit to AA, not just be involved.....
The difference is like a bacon & egg breakfast,

The chicken is involved and the pig is committed.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

The thing is, I hate writing anymore. I used to write tons when I was a kid, but that was before computers. So now I really only write when I'm down. I have to force myself, but then when I'm done I always feel better, or at least relieved, like I just talked to someone. I highly recommend it to anyone struggling with alcohol, or their emotions, or just plain feels down.

I'd love to read your journal! Maybe you could just publish sections! I know some parts of mine are not meant for eyes other than my own...

Minor adjustment required .... note to self:

1) Head straight to and stay in AA
2) Stay out of bar

All the best.

Bob R

I think this happened for a reason. Perhaps you needed to admit out loud to your husband and friend that you have this problem so that you can't be in denial and they will help support you rather than enable you.

I'm glad the woman from AA texted you and I'm glad you're going to the meeting. Let us know how it went. It's awesome of her to be there for you, and it's awesome of you to go.

I remember that sinking feeling of wondering whether I've disappointed people and whether they are mad at me based on my behavior or their perception of me etc. Thank you for reminding me where I came from so that I don't have to go back there. You don't have to either!! You can make a new start and keep going forward in a better direction. There is so much more to life than drugs, alcohol and bars. Go and find it for yourself. :) In sobriety I'm learning to do the right thing for myself and others, and to not care about what they think of me as long as I know I'm doing the best thing for myself, and I never have to worry about that sinking feeling anymore.

Best wishes to you in your journey.

I went to the meeting
 

So I went, and I spoke, and I stayed and talked to some women after. I headed to walmart after...for dog food:) There is a 9:30am mtg tomorrow I will go to.

So hesitant to get rid of the rest of the pot I have.

my address is: 12....

just kidding! I smoked enough for my lifetime.

Keep moving forward!

Very nice to see you met her, good deal. Pick yourself up and yea get rid of the weed. I smoked my whole life also. From a child my parents grew and I also grew up on Dead Tour in the 70's and then I went later in life in the late 80's and 90's.

Non altered life is really sweet. :)

It's that fear of having to shut the door completely...... Unless we do, though, we're going to keep coming back to the same place (and worse).

I didn't want to be sober until I had several months of sobriety. It took a while to get some perspective on it. I'd stopped looking for happiness in life (or in myself) and was settling for a couple hours of poisoning my brain instead. At the time, though, I didn't think I'd ever be able to give it up. I'd listened to the addiction for so long.......

You just have to make up your mind, I think....... the help is already there.:ghug3

Yes...that famous sinking feeling. I will NOT miss that one little bit....the disappointment in other peoples' eyes as they realize before I do that I am out of control....hate that and am happy to see it go....you sound like your day really turned around. Stick it out! You inspire me and your willingness to share in your weakness will ultimately be a strength in your recovery...

I'm so glad you went, and that you're going back. Keep going and do everything you can possibly do to stay sober because you deserve it!!!

:)

This. Was. Awesome!