Carliss

Well, still on track though I still don't feel so great. Slept very little last night and feel all shaky and vague this morning. The plan is not to panic over anything, to take it slow and one small thing at a time. First, I took my vitamins and went back to bed. LOL! Then up for a long shower. Wow, I haven't been taking care of my physical self -- it's seemed until today like a shower was a very difficult maneuver. Listened to a meditation podcast.

Much as I'd love to jump into my old gym routine (and a glance in the full-length mirror....oh dear), I'll settle for a walk today. Up to the pier for some people-watching and green tea. Doesn't look like any work is coming in for today, so perhaps I'll give myself a break and do some reading and meditation. Getting sober feels like getting over the flu.

Starting to flip out about my legal situation (debtor's exam in courtroom by vindictive ex) again, but I know that mindset improves nothing. Think I'll pull out that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy book again and do a worksheet on this pesky little issue. Also bothered about employment situation, but as I have to go out of state in a month for the DUI -- can't accept anything now. Perhaps I should spend this time writing another book proposal and looking at longer-term options like an internship starting in May or so. It's probably better to pick a long-term solution rather than chase after any little job that comes along.

Anyway, I know these things will pass eventually. And that it is all much better now that I'm not drinking. The "what ifs" aren't so scary sober.

coming_clean

nicely put.,

RachelNorth

I understand what you are saying. On my sober watch out list is 'don't get overwhelmed'. Things do go round and round in the head. Stay strong.

Pigtails

Congrats on your 4th day Carliss!! You can handle everything life throws at you, or at least you can handle it a lot better sober than while under the influence.

Carliss

Thanks guys. This not a fast-paced day. But off for a walk to the shopping center. Suddenly I am not going to the cash machine as often! I know I'll feel much better tomorrow -- will likely sleep tonight. Going to give this free tennis lesson a whirl tonight, something new, something healthy.

One of my legal beagle advisors came up with a new strategy and I thought I didn't have the paperwork. Then I found it! Whew! A little less shaky now. All this scary stuff will be over in a month. Wish I were being more productive, but then again, it's only Day 4. And the maintenance guys came and fixed my apartment lighting. I hadn't even noticed everything had burned out and I was in the dark!

The slow pace is nice right now. I have to re-learn how to enjoy life. Or learn for the first time.

jobei

Hey Carliss! Good work on day 4... those first 5 days are BRUTAL! Try to remember that... I bet most ppl will agree that it gets better after that first week! You will be in my prayers!

Carliss

Thanks everyone! I must say I wasn't tempted at ALL today. On my way to the gym, I even had to walk by a dee-licious restaurant with bar and one of my usual liquor stores. Did not have any desire to go in. Also made sure I didn't by not taking any cash.

Now that I'm a little clearer -- a little -- I am noticing that my complex is full of rather attractive men my age. I actually met one in the jacuzzi tonight and was able to converse. I'm pretty sleepy so hope I can drop off tonight. Preparing all these documents for court is kinda doing the trick. This thing is so invasive -- they want my debit card statements which completely outline where I eat, shop, drive, and travel. The ex of mine really knows how to pack a punch.

Today I didn't do anything unhealthy. Walked to the grocery and back (just 2.5 miles), gym, put together my paperwork, did two of my video game assignments that came in tonight, and at least MET the tennis instructor (it was pretty windy for tennis tonight). One foot in front of the other...such a dichotomy, this neighborhood (SoCal beach). There's a HUGE bar scene, and an even bigger surf/exercise/boating/cycling/holistic one too.