Pigtails

Hi SR peeps. Today I have five months of sobriety! I am so thankful to have made it so far.

A friend of mine is in Vegas for work and kept asking me to come meet her, with my boyfriend and his brother, because she has extra room for all of us. I was really torn about what to do because I wanted to go to Vegas and hang out with her. My mind kept going back and forth, thinking, well I'll have fun hanging out with her, she's not much of a drinker... she drinks a drink or two max all night... but my boyfriend and his brother are big drinkers and I don't want to tempt myself with all that alcohol around, and I also don't want to hang out alllllll night with drunk people, it just doesn't sound fun to me... but I want to lay out at the pool, and go shopping, and see a show... but I have so many things to do at work, and a lot of things to get done personally as well, and don't have extra money right now...

I went on and on in my head like this and talked to my sister and also my sponsor about it. My sponsor said this could be a good time to ask my higher power for guidance, and to go with what felt right to me. I realized that if I was unsure whether I could maintain my sobriety in Vegas, I shouldn't go. Also part of my higher concept right now is responsibility... I know that sounds weird, but I think of it as like, if I feel anxious or otherwise want to drink, instead of turning towards alcohol, I will turn towards my responsibilities. Because my higher power right now is Good Orderly Direction... doing the next right thing and making a conscious effort to live the kind of life I want to live rather than just giving into my own impulses and living mindlessly. I have been trying hard to work out, eat well, keep my apartment clean, go to meetings, work hard at work... basically be responsible in my life and take care of myself. Driving to Vegas on a whim for a whirlwind trip is the opposite of what I've been trying to accomplish... it's what the old Pigtails would have done in a heartbeat, but I'm the new Pigtails.

I've also realized lately that I'm terribly co-dependent, and I had to examine my motivations for even wanting to go... really I just felt bad that my friend was "stuck" in Vegas with co-workers she wasn't close with, pretty much on her own, and I wanted her to have company and didn't want to let her down. I need to put my own priorities first and not worry about disappointing other people. So I ended up telling her it just isn't working out because I don't have the time or money right now, which is the essential truth.

Part of me feels rather old, boring and fuddy-duddy, but a bigger part of me feels confident that I did the best thing for myself and made the right decision. A perfect way to celebrate my five months of sobriety.

Thanks everyone. Have a great day!

Hevyn

Hi Pigtails! Congratulations on your five months - that's fabulous. You did the right thing for sure - now there'll be no chance of risking your hard-earned sobriety. You're making great progress - very proud of you!

Pigtails

Thanks Hevyn. I am learning so much!!

Sapling

Congrats on five months pigtails....It's great to see things are working for you...I love to see that.

SOBERINNEPA

Five months, whoo-hoo!

I like the way you reasoned through this and came to a decision you are confident was right. I try to do it just that way, when I'm befuddled by something that might cause me problems. Way to go.

GirlFromCO

5 months already! That's incredible, Pigtails You've gone almost half of a YEAR sober!!

Pigtails

Yeah I am sooooo excited for my six-month mark.

Zencat

5 months is FANTASTIC! Keep up the good effort and it can only get better.

Dee74

Congratulations on 5 months PT - and I don't think your decision is fuddy duddy at all - I think it's an incredible healthy positive choice you've made

D

CaiHong

Pigtails you convinced me you did the right thing. You sound great. Put your sobriety first. Your friend will be OK.

Congrats on the 5 months

caiHong

DreamingDog

Congratulations on resisting your temptations. I'm sure you made the right decision for yourself. I wouldn't want to be around all that alcohol either. In fact, since I've stopped I don't even have an interest in 'going out.' It was always so boring in the first place; the alcohol just kept me from realizing it. I'd rather do some outdoors stuff.

Keep up the good work. It sounds like you have your head on straight.

Pigtails

Yes. My struggle is with learning how to relate to people and do things without it always involving alcohol. I cannot remember how it feels to just be myself with a friend and hang out without drinking. Most of my friends still drink and I feel I can't really learn how to hang out with them when they're drunk or tipsy and I'm sober! And like you I don't have much fun doing that... I prefer to stay home rather than be the only sober one in a group and end up babysitting. It's hard because I love to ski but even then my friends seem to use it as an excuse to get drunk and I no longer really enjoy skiing with them. :-/ I have gotten back into reading, working out, running with my dogs, and obviously meditation/journaling/step work etc... all solitary things that I don't need/want other people around for. My boyfriend and I watch movies or go out to dinner. But I need to work on my relationships/friendships so I have tried to do things with my friends that don't involve alcohol and also made new friends in AA. But sometimes I feel like, okay now what? I don't drink and anymore and that's really what my social life revolved around, so, I am still finding my bearings.

least

Congrats on five months sober!

IslandGirl1203

Wow Pigtails I am so proud of you! That is such great news! I admire your willpower and your courage! Keep it up. I am on Day 5 and working my way through my new life. I hope to learn alot from this new website and plan to attend meetings soon. I am looking forward to my sobriety and this new journey.....I am taking it one day at a time. I had to stop drinking because it was controlling my life! You are definitely an inspiration!

Pigtails

Congrats on your five days, and keep going! You can do it. I am learning how to live a new life with new ways of coping and being. The old me would have either not cared about where I was at in my life and my responsibilities, and would have just been all about fun and spontaneity, or would have gone out of guilt and not wanting to upset my friend, even if I knew it wasn't good for me. My "responsibilities" were all out of whack (I used to feel responsible for my friend's feelings but not my own feelings or my true responsibilities towards myself, my employers or clients etc.!) It is amazing how my focus has shifted and I am putting myself, meaning my true goals and responsibilities, first, for the first time in a long time. You can do it too! Best wishes.

Anna

Pigtains, congratulations on your 5 months and you should be very proud of all that you've accomplished.

It sounds like you're making great strides on your recovery journey and I think that you made a wise decision to not go to Vegas.

After I stopped drinking and some months had gone by, I realized that a lot of my issues stemmed from co-dependence issues. I routinely put my husband and children first ALL the time. I would never inconvenience any of them because I wanted to do something that was important to me. And, like you, I began to slowly try to change that, and the journey has been amazing.

topspin

Congrats on 5 months Pigtails !!

Inspiring post


Your progress is really inspiring !?!!

artsoul

5 months is impressive and I love all the insights you're having! It's great that you're thinking about what you need/want for a change! I've always tried to make sure that everyone else was happy, too..... talk about taking on an impossible job!! I found this quote shortly after getting sober and I still love it:

You're doing great, Pigtails -

Emily2002

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for sharing Pigtails. I so needed to read this tonight. What you've written above is exactly what I've been trying to do and SO much easier said than done. i just might write this out on an index card and keep it in my wallet! haha REALLY.

Oh ... and most importantly: Congratulations on your 5 months sober!!!!!

wellwisher

Yay pigtails!!!!!