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Old 04-04-2012, 09:28 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Gotta get "IT" back! newbie


day one for me!

I was a hellion as a kid, and finally after years of abuse got sober at 29. Stayed sober 10 years, got into physical fitness stuff. Did Ironman in 08, then drank at the banquet.

It's been 4 years now, and I have drank daily. I feel the total lack of control. It's that ease and comfort of the first drink, over and over again. There is no ease, and there surely is no comfort.

I go through self torture again and again, I sometimes despise myself, and at other times justify myself.

I plan to read and get to know folks, so I can find that power greater than me.

I'm a mess. And this afternoon when I think I have it all together, and want to head across the street for a whiskey and a beer, I will need to remember a few things.
1. I signed up for the site drunk!
2. I chose the user name "SuckingSucks" <- thank gawd Ann fixed that for me.
3. I have zero power over alcohol, and I am so insane to keep trying over and over again to drink normally, and that I NEED YOU, God, and the universe to give me the strength to put a day together.

I do not like me, or anything else when I'm drunk. I want to like life and everything sober again.

that is all
Todd
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:35 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome back Home Todd
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:36 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flyin2BFree View Post
day one for me!

I was a hellion as a kid, and finally after years of abuse got sober at 29. Stayed sober 10 years, got into physical fitness stuff. Did Ironman in 08, then drank at the banquet.

It's been 4 years now, and I have drank daily. I feel the total lack of control. It's that ease and comfort of the first drink, over and over again. There is no ease, and there surely is no comfort.

I go through self torture again and again, I sometimes despise myself, and at other times justify myself.

I plan to read and get to know folks, so I can find that power greater than me.
I'm a mess. And this afternoon when I think I have it all together, and want to head across the street for a whiskey and a beer, I will need to remember a few things.
1. I signed up for the site drunk!
2. I chose the user name "SuckingSucks" <- thank gawd Ann fixed that for me.
3. I have zero power over alcohol, and I am so insane to keep trying over and over again to drink normally, and that I NEED YOU, God, and the universe to give me the strength to put a day together.I do not like me, or anything else when I'm drunk. I want to like life and everything sober again.

that is all
Todd
Welcome to SR Todd....Glad you're here.....Sounds like what you're looking for is found in your own thread. Welcome aboard.
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:37 AM   #4 (permalink)
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(((Flying))) - Welcome to SR!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:48 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome back! I feel your misery and pain because I'm in that same hell
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:54 AM   #6 (permalink)
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We've probably all heard that "definition" of insanity that gets tossed around AA tables all the time: Doing the same thing and expecting different results. I like that one.....it makes sense......

but......

lemme hit you with a different one......the one that kicks my butt sometimes......

Insanity is: Knowing exactly what bad things will come from the following actions.....taking the action anyway KNOWING that bad crap is comin'....and just saying F-it."

GREAT POST FLYIN! Seems you've got a great handle on the 1st step in AA which, to me.....in layman's terms....is: I'm screwed. No matter how I squirm or where I twist.....I'm screwed.

......make sure you check out the 12-Step-Recovery area if you're into AA. There are a LOT of members here in the program with a lot of experience and knowledge that you'll find useful and most of us "hang out" in the 12-step are since that's the program we're workin.

Nice to have u here tho and that was an awesome first post.
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:26 AM   #7 (permalink)
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thanks you guys! Thanks a million

Day: I was in AA for 10 years, meeting a day. Rarely missed. I guess I just shot out the top, and crashed. It's a shame I guess. But the time I had was good. The time I have lost this 4 years, has been CRAAAAAAAAP! Hard to figure if I feel bad aqbout it, or that I just wasn't done yet, or...., or..... or.....

But, I did did find the chat thingy, and that can keep a head busy eh!

thanks you to everyone that said welcome.
FF
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:38 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR!
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:43 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Hi, i am very new to this page and I have a couple of ? First, how do I find out times of meetings and when they are and also, is there anyway I can have confirmation emailed to me that I have attended to show my dr? Thanks for your Help!
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
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thanks you guys! Thanks a million

Day: I was in AA for 10 years, meeting a day. Rarely missed. I guess I just shot out the top, and crashed. It's a shame I guess. But the time I had was good. The time I have lost this 4 years, has been CRAAAAAAAAP! Hard to figure if I feel bad aqbout it, or that I just wasn't done yet, or...., or..... or.....

But, I did did find the chat thingy, and that can keep a head busy eh!

thanks you to everyone that said welcome.
FF
I don't look at it as a shame for sure.....

Look at all the relapsers you'll be able to help now. Maybe you "needed" to do exactly what you did to be able to come back now and get to the next level.

....and yanno, maybe it is a shame but there isn't jack you can do about it now other than focus on today and what you're going to do now.

One of my sponsees had 6 yrs and went back out. My gr-grand sponsor (53 yrs) has a hard-to-hear theory on why we go back out after long periods of sobriety - shoot me a pm if you're interested.

Mike


**edit... oh yeah! and since you had 10 yrs in AA THAT'S why your first post sounded so solid, humble and on point... I hereby REMOVE my "great first post comment!" You're an old pro back in newcomer's camouflage!!!!!
(JK....it's still a great post)
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:52 AM   #11 (permalink)
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nice! My humility is only of the finest humility, being I am definatley the MOST humble of all!
haha
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:53 AM   #12 (permalink)
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post number 5, so I can send a PM to DayTrader.
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Old 04-04-2012, 11:10 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Welcome, I'm sure we will all benefit from your experience, especially the reminder of how the insanity of this disease can hit you no matter when.
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Old 04-04-2012, 11:41 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi, i am very new to this page and I have a couple of ? First, how do I find out times of meetings and when they are and also, is there anyway I can have confirmation emailed to me that I have attended to show my dr? Thanks for your Help!
Just google "AA meetings" and you can search for meetings close to you.
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Old 04-04-2012, 03:05 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome Flyin2BFree - glad to have you with us

Glad to have you here too glad -

Quote:
Hi, i am very new to this page and I have a couple of ? First, how do I find out times of meetings and when they are and also, is there anyway I can have confirmation emailed to me that I have attended to show my dr? Thanks for your Help!
we're a recovery site and not actually affiliated with any one recovery method although many of our members are AA members too

You're best to google 'AA meetings' and your local area - ask your questions of the local AA office, perhaps?

D
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