PaperDolls

BTW Bam, you ARE a success. No doubt in my mind.

Zencat

Its so nice to see you again (((Bam))). I do wish things were better for you. I appreciate your sarcastic humor as humor in general always lifts my mood.

DayTrader

That's a great lesson and I'm soooooo with you up to here!!

Darn it!!! Now you're telling me you know what works: better area, better people, this "type" of meeting.....etc.

I do NOT, even to this day with a 5yr b-day looming in the near future, surrender easily. I'm WAY better than I was...but I'm still not what I'd call "good" at it......yet. I hold and hold and hooooooooooold onto my beliefs, my judgements, things I'm convinced are right.

Yanno what? Almost EVERY major "breakthrough" I've had has come on the heels of learning something I was SURE of ....is wrong!
One of the toughest judgements to let go of: I KNOW what's best for me.
Another toughie: It's ok to display the "qualities" of a failure.....it doesn't make me a failure though. My actions don't define ME. They define what I do (or what I've done)....but I am not my actions. I can fail and still be a great guy (that was just CRAZY talk to me prior to recovery). I can be a complete failure AND a total success---AT THE SAME TIME.

RobbyRobot

Hey Bam!

Three years speaks for itself, yeah? AWESOME!

Sorry about being trashed by a therapist - its happended to me too - and its never a good thing. I hope you can get thru the leftover garbage that unwanted broken experience created and get back to trusting the process again soon enough.

Seriously, you got some real goodness and love for yourself happening Bam to get into a 3rd year of clean and sober, feeling the difficult way you have been feeling over the years. Its very inspirational really, how you have kept yourself above the troubled waters. Really. I hope you know and own that, too.

I also do wish the happiness thing was working out way more, of course, but its all gonna happen for you too because you absolutely have the Right Stuff happening on so many levels, its gotta be just around the next corner.

I wish you many continued successes year after year, Bam!!

RayRayRay

You're singing my song, Bam.

Glad to see you back! Congrats on staying sober!

Bamboozle

Yes, I do know what works. Getting one's basic human needs met is essential, period. We are social animals and if we aren't getting healthy social interaction we suffer. I need to be around like people--this is something that's not negotiable. For all who wonder, I don't do recovery meetings--I don't need it and I do not want it. That’s not the kind of group I’m looking for.

I’m a gay atheist in a very conservative town. I am starved for the kind of adult conversation and interaction that most people enjoy (and take for granted). I’ll have to move. I can’t stay here much longer because my sanity simply can’t take it. I know there are places I can live where I have the opportunity to meet more people like me. I wish there was a magical place I could go that has everything I need, but since I live in reality, I’m looking for better than where I live. Finding a place where I belong is possible and oh so very important to my mental health. The trouble is getting enough resources to move. I’m in a huge rut right now, but I still have hope.

The mistake I used to make was believing other people when they told me what they thought was best for me. That screwed up my mind, made me insecure and led me to live my life in ways that I never wanted to. I won’t ever do that again. No one knows what’s best for me except for me.

sissy07

Bamboozle,

No enlightening advice here - I just wanted to say congratulations to you - three years is incredible. I really love your honesty and sense of humor. Take care of yourself.

freedom1955

We will always be a addict
I won't be a full sucess until
I am long gone we just live
one day at time

Emily2002

Wow. It's been over a year since I've been on and from my humble perspective you seem to have made great strides. I mean ... you seem to have figured out what it is that you DO need. It's just a matter of time as long as you keep the faith... continue to hope.

For me at least, having a goal is so important. When I lose that focus, I'm a mess.

Hope to be as successful as you've been to make it to 3 years!

DayTrader

Well, if that's what you're set on, good luck to you - really. You deserve to be happy and enjoy life.

RobbyRobot

I hear you. Awesome, Bam.

SAME HERE!!

I have also learned being fully me, myself, and I first and always -- allows me to effectively *honestly listen* to others when they offer their experiences to me. And I've learned I'm not as unique and alone as i had once imagined myself to be amongst an ocean of humanity. We all have more in common than we do in differences I now know to be true and I know it from my own life experience.

I'm not the first person to enjoy the good life, and so no *requirement* exists for me to be either alone or even lonely for others, unless I so choose it to be so. Circumstances of course are what they are in each of our lives and yet so can these be changed eventually enough to allow for us to not be alone.

And I've also learned to be in agreement with someone dosen't mean I'm lost if they are lost or even I'm won if they are won. Agreeing and disagreeing really just means I'm not an island onto myself.