Jilllian

So I went off oxy's without a hitch (I thought).
Then got cocky and decided, "Hmmmm. Well, that was easy. Let's get off the benzo's next!"
Big mistake.
Opiate withdrawal was difficult.
Benso withdrawal is seemingly impossible.

If I knew now what I didn't know 14 years ago when my doctor put me on them for anxiety (.5 mgs of Ativan three times per day, and 1mg of Klonopin at bedtime), I would NEVER have started this madness.

WOW.

My mind has gone to the darkest places it's ever been before.
Contemplating the cost of living outweighing the benefits is certainly something I didn't see coming, now was I prepare for this.

Man, this sucks.

And from what internet research I've done, it's bound to suck for anywhere from several months to several years.

And I really didn't sign on for this...

Anna

Fourteen years is a very long time to be taking medication so I'm sure it won't be easy for you. I hope that you can get through it.

Jilllian

I hope so too, Anna. Thank you.
I'm sure it's been done before, so that gives me some hope.
It just really, really sucks.

Bigger picture is why doctors are so free with prescribing anti-anxiety benzos to young mothers who don't know squat about these drugs. Not saying that ignorance is a defense though...just saying that those of us who (when we were younger) put so much faith in our docs and did whatever they said, are now paying heavily for that....

2granddaughters

jilllian: 30 yrs of booze and 15 yrs of Valium here. (plus assorted party mix)
I highly recommend NA, those folks have been through it and can help you a lot.

All the best.

Bob R

Dee74

Hi Jillian

I know next to nothing about benzoes but we have several members here who'll chime in soon with knowledge and wisdom

Are you seeing a Dr about this (a different one from the prescribing Dr I mean)?

D

Jilllian

still working on the meeting part of all of this bob, and how i can fit it most safely in my life. trying hard to find a place i can go where i really *am* anonymous. sapling may giggle at this and gently nudge me on my way to a meeting regardless of where it is, but my truth is this: i am literally terrified of losing my job as a therapist in my teeny-tiny community. i'm a single mom with no child support or anything like that, so i'm very scared to walk into a meeting and find someone i know, who could then go to my agency and say "ummm....hey!....why is a drug addict running this clinic?" not an excuse, just my reality at the moment. trying to figure out ways around this.

add that to the fact that being OFF all these drugs (plus my antidepressants and any other chemical prescribed, like steroids) has made me agoraphobic. i'm terrified to leave the house, yet realize how irrational this is. i've been literally working from home for weeks now.

first month of being clean from those awful oxy's i was singing in my car (putting down my microphone-hairbrush at red lights of course) and now i'm reduced to a pile of "help-me-please-and-what-the-eff-do-i-do-now?"

it's amazing how PARANOID one becomes when getting off all these meds! some are downright comical. but most are downright scary!

never, ever saw this coming, and realize how spoiled i was when everything became so wonderful after the detox off oxy's....

it's like i entered another dimension or something...

thanks, bob...

Jilllian

well, here's the thing. going off of ALL meds has made me paranoid. my doctor who prescribed Zoloft did so knowing that I have a prolonged QT interval, and he also did this knowing that Zoloft makes it worse. So now I don't trust him, and therfore didn't fill the prescription.

sucks when you're not sure if you're paranoid or just "right"!

oh, and i've been meaning to mention this when i first arrived here...ummm.. you rock, by the way. thank you.

Leemzer

I have been doing a VERY gradual taper off of Xanax. I have been on Xanax for 6 years and am HIGHLY sensitive to it. Currently I only taper .125 mg a MONTH....I have come down from 3mg a day to 1.825. It takes a while but is manageable and you avoid all of the headcreeps that you are experiencing. You didn't get habituated overnight, and some remapping of your brain has occurred....plus downright stopping cold turkey can cause convulsions.

Nobody wants the long road, but I have accepted it with me and Xanax. At my current progress it will take me until July of 2013 to be fully off of it, but I have just lost my mind on it before and my doctor is going super super slowly with me. I do have some sleepless nights each time I taper, but that is just the price I pay so I try to have those over the weekend.

Give tapering a try...when I think I am now down over 1mg it is a good feeling indeed. Good luck with that!