Back at 'er, just finished my 4th day sober
 

Went AWOL for awhile. Tried to remain sober
and then met someone and went to a far away country to hang out with him and said screw it and started drinking like a crazy lady again. Got completely out of control, worse than I had been in years. Did things that I am very ashamed of and embarrassed, so I am trying once again to stop this insanity. I hate the person I become when I get drunk. I only drink to get drunk. But I've got to the point where I truly want to be happy and healthy and I can't do it as a drunk. One day at a time. I am in a "party" town, so it is hard to not join in. But I have been doing pretty good in reminding myself how much better I feel sober. Life is good, sober, not drunk and humiliated by my actions when I drink. So here is to getting back on track. I find this site very helpful. No I am unable to go to AA or anything like that around here, they dont have it. So I am on my own in this struggle. But we are always truly alone in our struggles. We can have some guidance, but it is only ourselves that can truly make the changes. So tomorrow is going to be another one day at a time and "Thy will be done"....

A lot of what you wrote could be my story just a short while ago (except running off with a man) I did meet a women and soon discovered thwat 7 months sober wasn't enough for a life style change. Day 26 now and I'm taking life a breath at a time. Glad you're back on board. No AA, hanging here may be very important for you. All my best to you in your efforts.

welcome back Jaynee :)
so whats your plan to stay sober then? :)

D

My plan is to simply keep coming back to this site for support and to admit to myself I can't have even one drink and when that urge comes on to use cognitive behavioural therapy, basically ask myself what I am really feeling, and it usually isn't because I want a drink, it is because I am feeling something I don't understand or don't want to feel, or don't know how to handle the feeling or I feel so good, I just want to feel even better by drinking. That is how it works for me. But for now this site is my AA. I didn't really like the AA meetings, they didn't really work for me. I prefer this option. Thanks to everyone for sharing your stories and your support. "Thy will be done"...

ps, the new boyfriend is coming back into town... works out of town, and it is stressing me out, so my first thought was I should go get some beer. But instead I did some deep soul searching, and had to answer some pretty powerful questions with some scary answers. I didn't want to do this, but I did and now I don't even crave a drink. Facing those demons hidden deep down in the creases of my brain is my main problem.

All the best to you Jaynee, you're doing an amazing thing, hats off to you!!

This doesn't sound like a great start....Is this the same guy you went to the far away country with and said screw it and started drinking like a crazy lady?...I'm surprised they don't have AA in Arizona....I've heard nothing but good things about AA offered there.

I didn't "like" the AA meetings in the beginning either, but I certainly "NEEDED" them.

Best of luck to you, Jaynee. I hope your way works.
Bob R

Hi Janie,

I agree with Sapling about the new boyfriend. If the relationship triggers uncomfortable feelings which lead you to drink perhaps you can cool it off for awhile, at least try and make an honest assessment of the situation when he returns.

If you are unable to get to AA meetings, you can do it online, read the big book, listen to XA speakers. You probably can get a sponsor online.

All the best
CaiHong

Welcome back.