Carliss

Wow I feel rather lousy -- didn't really sleep last night. My plans for today were overly ambitious and so now I'm going to take it easy and focus on physical recovery. I know that anxiety is a major symptom at this point, and boy do I have it!

I'm still quite frightened by my financial and legal situations, but sitting around being scared isn't making it any better. I know a bit about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, so I'm trying to apply that. I'm relieved that my judgment will likely never show on my credit report -- on the other hand I'm scared, as I have been for years, about how to make it through the year financially as my ex may find some way to grab part of my income, if he can figure out how it works. I don't even have a job -- I'm an inactive writer living on dwindling royalties and piecemeal work (gee, wonder how that happened)? One court date in one state later this month with my DUI date in another state three days later. I know all this will pass, but ugggghhhhh. And between my credit and the DUI, not to mention a work history that's difficult to explain, I'm anticipating having a lot of trouble finding a job at 52.

Now is not the time to be making big decisions like that anyway. I guess continuing to write -- when I'm clear again -- is likely the way to go. Then there are no regular wages to garnish (it comes in advances and royalties a couple times a year, or for entertainment like films, on a project basis) and if you're active enough, there are good union benefits. Maybe I can write about this.

This will sound weird, but I was so hyper and panicky this morning that I took the only thing I had in the house -- a Sominex. Didn't help me sleep last night, but it definitely quelled the anxiety, and since now I'm a little slow I guess I'll have to put off anything complicated like decoding the genome, at least til tomorrow.

I know I would briefly feel better with a trip up to my favorite dive, but I'm just not gonna do it. I've had my wake-up call.

I think job #1 is to get in the jacuzzi, then sit by the pool with meditation tapes on my iPhone. Later, if I can get myself dressed, I'll walk up to the beach, get a green tea and listen to more meditation or music. Maybe call my mom, who knows I'm going through this and did it herself 20 years ago. I think that's about all I can handle! Any other suggestions?

At least I woke up to a tidy apartment today.

Maples

Well done on getting to day 2 Carliss. I enjoyed reading your Day 1 thread too. I'm 24 hours behind you, this being my day 1. It's 4:30pm here in EST and my hangover has started to dissipate. Usually this means time to go to the store, but today it means finish work, do some laundry, and go to bed early in a clean bed. I can't wait to climb into bed in clean sheets.

KaliCali

Hi Carliss,
Congratulations.
I'm on day 3. So far day 1 was the worst and night 1 when I had my last taper of 2.75 beers.
2 hours sleep and a wreck the next day. Doing better physically after 2 nights of goood sleep,but the anxiety S***S! It is just part of this process, it is not you.
Continue to do good things for yourself this week.
Wishing you the BEST

Carliss

Good for you, Maples!

Carliss

@****, thanks for the anxiety info -- I'm a worrywort, but this is ridiculous! At least I discovered yet more info online about my judgment a forum like this but for people in debt. If they haven't entered it after a year, it's not going to show. All the info has to match, and the addresses definitely don't. A big sigh of relief, though I do have to go show them my assets and income. No assets, very complicated income.

2granddaughters

I would go to a meeting.

Hope your day turns around for you.

Bob R

Dee74

congrats on day 2 Carliss - yeah, insomnia is pretty common.

I hope you'll readjust to a normal sleeping pattern soon - if not I recommend seeing your Dr - it's a better way to go that pulling things out of the medicine cabinet, I think

D

Carliss

@dee, I agree and we have an appt for a full physical on Thurs. I'm not much of a pill person and have never abused drugs, except for wine, and it did take the edge off enough to climb out of my dark bedroom and into the sunshine. Sitting by the apt pool on my iPad. Which reminds me, the night I started the bender and fell, I cracked the screen. Another of Gods little reminders to behave myself.

It's nice being out here with happy kids and lots of people with normal lives and employment. Like I'm gonna have! I think I can manage a walk later and sleep at least some tonight without chemical help. Today's half over -- I'll be feeling better soon.

Carliss

Got dressed, albeit not for the Paris runway, and finally walking up to the beach for my green tea. Just took my afternoon handful of vitamins and I'm feeling strong. They say it takes three weeks to form a new habit -- I'll start the habit of going to this cafe (where I've met nice clear-headed people) instead of to the dive. Can also work on my laptop there, which would be inadvisable (spills, brawls, general mayhem) at the dive. I decided to just go ahead and have my physical on Thursday morning. It's good incentive, and I don't think an extra week would change much. Besides, at least I've taken these supplements daily, even when drinking. I was drinking three - yup, three -- bottles of wine daily, and six months ago my liver results were smack dab center of normal. How is that possible?

sugarbear1

Are you eating healthy food and drinking water? It will help. A meeting is always good so you can meet other sober people to hang out with and may look good for the DUI. Hearing live voices is comforting, especially when they understand what you are going through!

Stay strong and stay stopped!

FlyerFan

Welcome to our humble community. I wish you well in your first couple of weeks, those ones are the toughest. But once you get a few months under your belt it is a little bit easier to handle.