ReadyAndAble

Ah, good. That means you're persistent. It's the folks who give up, or never even try, that worry me. Not fighters like you, scared1.

For me, it stopped being a struggle after a few months. Glad you're giving AA another go. AVRT gave me the edge I needed, and as Dee mentioned, you can find a lot of info on that in SR's secular connections forums. Whatever you do, commit to it. It really does get easier. You really can do it—the proof of that is all around you.

laurie6781

Leroy will have 31 years in October and I will have 31 years in June. We go back a veeeerrrrryyyyyy looooooonnnnnnngggggg way. ROFLMAO

There are some really great folks at Pacoima and some that are gone now, but still missed.

Give it a shot.

Love and hugs,

forabetterlife

Scared - I could have written much of your post. I have been trying for years and years, but more this past 9 months than ever before. After so many day ones and so many failures, you can feel like giving up. But even after my measly 3 days of not drinking, I can say for sure that there is nothing better than feeling like this. Except probably 30 days, 30 months, or 30 years. I can relate to waking up, usually hungover, and being DONE. Only to fail.
Its so easy to give up, or to rationalize and tell ourselves it's not that bad, our lives are fine, especially those of us who haven't lost anything - yet. I think what keeps me going is when I look back on my monthly strings of nondrinking days that I achieved over the last 9 months (I think the longest I made it was 9 days), I realize that those were THE BEST days of the past nine months. Not sure if any of this makes sense, I just want to tell you not to give up on wanting what is better for yourself. Maybe, just maybe, we learn from all those day ones and after so many it just clicks. I'm not excusing slip ups, just trying to find reasons not to give up! Because that's what we all need in the beginning, or we wouldn't be here. Good luck

eddie73

Hi there, I had a good experience reading your post, it reminds me of the awful state of helplessness you find yourself in when in the clutches of addiction. Thankuflly I have moved beyond that place.

I think that you have to drink yourself into a corner and beyond it if necessary in order to reach the stage of ego death. There is nowhere left to run, and all the excuses in the world no longer work. I hope it comes sooner rather than later to you. Best wishes.

scared1

I didn't drink yesterday, so I officially made it 1 day. The hardest part is yet to come. Wednesday's is when I usually can't stand it no more and if I do over come my cravings and make then there is the next battle. Trying to stay sober for my 1st weekend ever.
My jaw is killing me though. I have TMJ and apparently I must be stressing alot because my jaw aches and feels like I got hit. It hurts to chew as well. I must have been grinding my teeth for a few nights now.

scared1

I think I am also give myself a reward for week I stay sober. Get myself some sushi with the money saved. I usually treat myself to sushi for my birthday. So this will be a nice goal for me to aim to lol