Maples

Hello,

Just found this website this morning and after reading a few dozen posts I have decided to join and post. Spent the weekend making mistakes, woke up this morning and called in sick. I have a job where they let me get away with stuff like this constantly. Make up an excuse and they tell me see you tomorrow. Someday they are going to call me out for this. Not today though...

I am travelling the rest of the week for work beginning tomorrow, so today is my recovery day. I do this a lot. Fall off the wagon, spend the weekend blacked out, Monday comes, I recover remote from work and then spend Tue > Friday sober.

My ears are ringing, I am gagging and I am lightheaded this morning - lightheaded is a first. Drinking water, taking multivitamins, hope the ringing disappears soon.

I'm done with this (telling myself this for the hundredth time). I have a week where I can avoid booze (being in hotels), next weekend is Easter so I spend it with my family and they know I have a problem so they support me, and then the work week arrives where I am able to avoid it. The foundation for success is right there in front of me - 2 weeks sober is something I haven't done in a LONG time.

It's time.

BillyPilgrim

Maples
You need to do something to break the cycle. AA?
Give yourself a kickstart into a new life. You know you have a problem, I was in that drink too much over weekend and feel awful on a Monday, phone in sick mode. Not good
10 sober weekends now. Still didnt want to get up today, but that was because bed was nice and warm, not because I felt bad, and that feels good

jobei

Good idea to quit! You will feel so much better and you deserve it. That's good that your family is aware of your drinking problem... they can offer you some support I imagine. Have you considered going to your Doctor and explaining? He/she might have some good advice/help for you to make quitting possible.

Maples

Thanks Billy. I am going to break the cycle starting today. I love it when I am able to go 4 or 5 days sober - the normal sleep cycle with no booze feels sooooo much better than waking up feeling like crud. Getting out of bed well rested and not nauseous makes everything seem ok.

This year has been an improvement - but I need sober weekends in addition to weekdays. Want to do it for my family. I need to take the final step.

When I get back from travel, I am going to join a gym and replace drinking with exercising. Have told everyong I am going to do this "soon" - now it's time.

Maples

Thanks jobei - honestly don't have a doctor right now. Since I have been abusing myself with alcohol, I avoided going to the doctor and having him tell me I am very unhealthy and need help. (dumb, I know) However, I am going to get one next week when I am not travelling.

EmeraldRose

Welcome....Wishing you the best of luck.

It takes alot to change habits and think outside the box. But ya have to. Once you get in to that life habit that you can predict your exact thoughts and movements from day to day...that's when you know it's time.
I see it now with a manager I have. She had a complete fit that I wanted to change the schedule next week so I had time to spend time with my family. I've worked Sundays for 4 months without a complaint and she was livid I wanted time off. ???
She has her certain days off, she knows how much she can drink to function the next day and only works till a certain time so she can head home and drink!
NOW I SEE THIS. This was me. Now that I've changed everything about my life...sobriety is a breeze.

Maples

Thanks Emerald Rose. I can relate with the "know how much you can drink to function the next day". It's a dangerous thing.

You know you have a problem when it's 10:46 in the morning, you are hung over, you just got done telling yourself that you are quitting, and you toy with the idea of going out for a small bottle at 11... ugh...

Making tea instead...