I am so afraid
 

So I'm just going to be honest because I need to be and am so desperate for help. I can't quit. I want to but I do not have the ability. I need inpatient treatment. I know this. I don't know how to get this. I also have severe depression which came before my drug use. My depression is so bad right now that all I do is think about suicide. I'm at the point where nothing matters. I know drug use has made my depression worse but honestly its the only thing that makes me feel better for a minute. I can't get better through meetings and counseling. I'm too sick. I need to be somewhere that can help me. I just know I can't get the treatment I need. I am getting closer to doing something drastic to force the issue or end the pain. I don't want to be that crazy girl that tried killing herself but I already have been that girl so I don't know. I don't want to be put on 72 hour hold but I need to be. The it thing that prevents me from just getting help is the fear of what my family will do. I know I should do what's best for me but we all know life isn't that simple. I really give up. I'm ready for it to be over.

Being ready for it to be over is good. Suicide isn't. You said you're ready to go for treatment - why are you even talking about drastic moves? Come on hun, you're right , you don't want to be that girl. Let's talk about treatment instead. xx

Hey Hardy...
Can you call a doctor and ask to be seen immediately - if you know you are this ill - it's probably urgent and warrants seeing one, or going into emergency for a while... Try not to think about your family's thoughts right now, they would rather you be alive and well (and you can BE WELL) than not here at all.

Let us know if you can see the doc today?

We're here for you, I'm sure Dee and Annie will be here soon with some nuggets of wisdom - but I'm here if you need a chat now - one 'crazy girl' to another...

XXX

Hi Hardy

what happened with that counsellor - did you see them?

I'm not an American so I don't have a lot of local knowledge but if you feel like you're in danger please call 911 or get yourself to an ER.

There's also a load of readings links and hotline numbers here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

I really encourage you to read through that material.

I know it's scary but sometimes all of us need to reach out and get some help.

You'll find a lot of support here too among the SR community.

D

Hardy you need antidepressent medication but you know that. Things will look a whole lot better when you have them, and you know that also. The question is how do you get from here to there. I suggest the ER at the hospital and let them take over. I think thats the best option. Don't you think?

Please see a doctor. It's really good that you came on here to talk. Your life is so important, fight for it and one day you'll be happy you did.

Please keep posting as to how you are feeling

Hi Hardy,
Put you suicidal thoughts aside for a moment and make a deal with yourself to give treatment a chance. Who knows...you may not want to kill yourself after kicking your addiction!

Is the fear that what your family will do...Worse than the fear of what your plan is Hardy?....I think if you know what's best for you....You should do that...Forget about how simple or not life is for awhile...And check yourself in to the ER...Nothing wrong with asking for help....No matter what fears you have.

hardy please seek medical help.

im okay
 

Thanks everyone. I'm not okay but I'm okay. I was feeling terrible because I was sober 3 days then used a little yesterday. It felt like the 3 days were a waste but I haven't used since and while my sober days starts over again, the little slip isn't like starting all over in terms of. Detox. So I would be lying if I said I didn't fight thoughts of suicide but I'm okay. I just want to make it one week without using and I'm frustrated that it is so hard for me. I just want to know I can make it 7 days. Of course I have work ahead of me but ill feel like I have a chance if I can make it a week. So I'm starting over today and want so much to feel good about myself if I can do it. Today is day one,

You can do it Hardy!

WE ALL HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE!

Glad to hear you are better now.

Hardy, did you go see that counselor? What happened with that? Are you still in touch with her?

Just don't drink today Hardy.....Just make that your goal.

I was wondering the same thing as Dee: did you ever go to see the counselor?

Those 3 days weren't a waste and you should feel good about making your first attempt to get sober. Make a game out of finding things to be positive about - be open to solutions. Each day that you don't use is money in the bank to get help for your depression.

I've had depression too, so I know how it is when every thought seems negative, but the more you dwell on them, the bigger they grow. Taking some action will really help.

hardy, please get to an NA/AA meeting and tell those folks what's happening. They have all been down this road and can help you.

When I quit fighting and rationalizing... and just surrendered to AA, my thoughts of suicide went away and I began to recover. The meetings were the answer for me in the beginning (and still are today)

All the best to you.

Bob R

re afriad
 

i wish i could talk with you but yesterday i was warned about the rules here-
im so sorry please hang in there dont do nothing drastic try phone NA or AA please or samaritins X

one day at a time.........you can do it :You_Rock_