Dominica2

I am guessing that is what is wrong with me. I am overly anxious and emotional. I get very aggitated very quickly. I don't want to be around people. I don't want to have a family BBQ, because for me, if there isn't beer, it isn't a BBQ. I have headaches constantly and stress overtakes me. My mind is cloudy. I can only focus on my work for about half a day before I just feel flat stupid and don't want to continue working. It just seems like I am miserable as a drunk and I am miserable sober. I don't know what else to do. I know my husband is tired of me acting this way. I guess he thought after almost 3 weeks I would be s******g smiles. The weekends are the worst. Its like Fridays are irrelevant to me because I just feel like "yay, another weekend cleaning the house being bored out of my mind" Cleaning is not my idea of a great weekend. I know I am ranting, but I have to get it out somehow. Thanks for letting me vent, as always.

IndaMiricale

Vent anytime you like.

Everyone is different but the whole PAWS thing normally doesnt even come around til 6 months to a year.

Your body is still just getting done with detoxing. And it takes us a long time for it to re build.

Dont rush anything just stay on track.

Good love, Inda

vinyl

I hear you and my wife is just as frustrated as your husband. I'm not pleasant to be around right now (on day 8 myself). But I was very clear on day 1, "get ready for me to be a complete di*k for a while", and she seemed to understand. However I'm on edge and agitated most of the last few days and expect more of the same going forward until my body, mind and soul begin to heal.

The best part is, I know I will heal and this is all par for the course. For now, what I'm doing is just staying busy. I'm playing guitar a lot, doing a lot of record collecting, getting back into my passion for soccer, doing a lot of writing, playing with my kids, running errands, creating plans for April, etc. It may be busy work, but I'm doing it sober!

I think it's all normal and I think we'll slowly heal and get back to enjoying life soon enough.

Good luck!

DayTrader

Dominica, the 12-Steps work wonders on that stuff. In many cases, it goes away on it's own. For others though, like for me, it didn't just go away. I needed to DO something about it. And really, I didn't want to do anything about it......but pain can be a darn good motivator.

Dominica2

I really am trying not to let it bother me, but by the time I get off work I am going stir crazy. I wish I knew how to handle this better and not lash out on the people that care about me. I just have a REALLY short fuse right now. Thanks for understanding and thanks for the replies.

midgetcop

I was there too, Dominca. Heck, almost 6 months in and I still have my moments of sheer frustration and a foggy mind. Our brains are trying to sort themselves out after years of abuse, so try and keep that in mind when you're feeling at your worst.

It did get better for me, and I slowly began to enjoy everything I used to do sans alcohol (including social gatherings). Best wishes!

MemphisBlues

Don't sweat it. It's a real bitch, but it's not PAWS. PAWS as I understand (and experienced) doesn't kick in until three to six months and affects few people.

I had it, for sure, and had strong symptoms at six months that didn't diminish until about 10 months to a year of sobriety. As i approach 18 months sober, I still have some symptoms.

And while I participate in AA and firmly believe in the steps, they aren't going to affect the physical symptoms of legitimate PAWS, let alone the psychological. The steps will hit you spiritually, i have found ,and provide you with tools to handle life on life's terms, but to address the actual paradoxical, perplexing symptoms of PAWS? I wish.

At six months my hands still shook, I had panic attacks, my concentration was come and go, I couldn't formulate coherent sentences, or at least a string of them to reach what I would call a decent intellectual conversation.

Googel PAWS and you will learn more about it.

But at 18 days, well, I think you are dealing with a very raw nervous system for which every molecule is screaming for the anesthetization of alcohol (and for me, it was a benzo-booze double whammy).

Look...you make it to work? Doesn't sound like PAWS. Maybe more like cravings? I know what you are experiencing is very real to you and I don't know what type of alcoholic you are, but the body really needs some chunks of sober time to heal. And the kindling thing is real, too, from what I have heard others share, meaning that if you drink you will only prolong the agony.

The blot to focus on in the horizon is that time heals...so give it some more time, trudge along the sober road until that smear of an image up ahead comes into focus, looms larger, becomes distinguished.

As you chalk up some months, I suspect those feelings will slip away. Cognition will return, and your psyche won't be screaming for beer at the cookout. But please see a doctor for any medical advice. Many people find that vitamin supplements, a strict diet of healthy foods, exercise and meditation go a very long way in early sobriety.

Me? I was gripping the edges of my mattress for three months before I could even get it together to start hitting some meetings, let alone think about Step 1.

CaiHong

Hi Dom

I had to check the date of your post to make sure it wasn't the same one as when you last got sober.

This is exactly how you felt last time remember, bored and restless before you picked up.

What is happening with the meetings and the steps?

Caihong

sugarbear1

This is the repercussions of drinking. You are healing. What was once numbed now doesn't know what to do. It's part of early recovery. What program of recovery are you working with? Do it well and things will even out eventually!

Dominica2

@Cai Meetings are ok. They are urging me to take picking a sponsor slowly so I can choose the right one. To be honest,. I havent been to a meeting since last Saturday. I have been way too busy. I will attempt to make the one tonight. Thanks.

@SB I am doing AA at the moment. Just having a hard time making it to the meetings. Hectic schedule. Thanks.

sugarbear1

Forget the meetings, get with a sponsor and work the steps and then study the big book. Those steps are a life saver. The meetings just give me fellowship (friends).

2granddaughters

Dom, you have to put sobriety first. Put sobriety first and everything else will last.

If I hadn't been to a meeting since last Saturday I would feel the same as you do ... so I go.

You will have to learn this as you go along but some of us will keep reminding you.

People ask me today to do this or that but I have to decline as it would interfere with my meeting schedule.

It's always nice to see your posts, keep doing your best and the best will happen.

Wishing you well.

Bob R

Dominica2

Bob, I would go to meetings but I have been taking care of my grandmother because no one is there to do so at this point in time. I fully intend on going every day like I was, but this week has been hell. I will be going tonight right after work, then tomorrow at noon and 8pm. Even then, I just want to get a sponsor already. They are telling me to be "very selective" that my sponsor is sincerely working the program, which already scares me. Anyway, thanks.

2granddaughters

Sorry, didn't mean to preach.
When we get antsy as someone earlier posted, sometimes we tend to "pack it in".
Carry on young lady !!

All the best.

Bob R

Emily2002

When reading back through old posts of mine here, I saw just how angry and irritable I was too. I know I'll probably feel that way again, because there will be days I'll be thinking none of this is fair. Having this problem really does suck (I HATE that word, but it really fits here).

I'm helping my 81 year old dad out right now, and my schedule's all over the place. VERY busy but being pulled in many different ways. I don't have the stability I had with my old job and it's so much easier to deal with frustration by drinking. SO ... the only alternative for me is to hang here.

Glad you're here. Reading and posting, at least for me, is so incredibly helpful.

Hang in there and hope you get to go to tonight's meeting!