When I was in elementary school, I was in the gifted program & graduated valedictorian.
When I was a junior in HS I was offered the opportunity to sign up for the Navy's nuclear program.
When I was a senior in HS, I failed to graduate with my class. Had to make up classes in the summer.
When I was in college, I lasted a year before being kicked out with a picture of my face hanging on the wall of campus security, who were to arrest me on the spot if I returned.

I'm 40 now, and starting my life over after having wasted the past 20 years due to alcoholism. Looking back, I really wish I could have fallen flat on my face earlier in life. The gifts I was given allowed me to fool myself into thinking I could achieve success while partying my way through life. I guess I wasn't that smart after all.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It feels for me like I went to sleep one day with the confidence I could do anything, then woke up years later to the reality that I had done nothing.

For all intents and purposes, I was a full blown alcoholic at the age of 19. So I know it is possible.

Damn dude, that entire post is pure honesty. But, that being said, you still HAVE those gifts you'd squandered for so long, and if you stay sober and use them, you can make up for lost time, REAL QUICK. Good sharing.

"Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It feels for me like I went to sleep one day with the confidence I could do anything, then woke up years later to the reality that I had done nothing."

I feel as if I could have got so much more done in the last 5 years from wasting evenings with a bottle of wine.

There is a book called "Thirsty Muse" (you can find it on amazon) - it's basically about the fall of these great minds, including Hemmingway, through alcohol.

Stop while you have the potential. I am.

This is a problem that tends to get worse over time, rather than better. There are people who do develop a serious alcohol problem from the get go, early in life. Sounds to me that it would be a good idea for you to try abstinence and take steps to get the depression sorted.

I see many people who say 'It's too early for me to stop drinking now, I'm not bad enough yet.' They're probably the ones who years later are saying 'It's too late now, I'm too far gone.' Neither statement is true, but it's the way that many of us end up suffering more than we have to.

Welcome to SR --

Alcoholic or not, you are definitely abusing alcohol. The most important question would be are you using alcohol in an unhealthy way and irresponsibly. I think based off of what you've shared that it sounds like you are. I would encourage you not to get hung up on the label, it's far more important for you to cease the harm you are causing to your body, mind, emotions and spiritual state because of your alcohol abuse. If you need help doing that then I would look into adopting some form of recovery program to give you a framework for quitting alcohol.

I think you also sound a little depressed, so I would look into some counseling and/or psychiatric care. Don't be like me and lose years of your life giving up and giving in to your depression and abusive behaviors. Act now while you still have the chance to save yourself a world of heartache.

Best wishes,