New here....really struggling....
 

I dont know how I came about this site...perhaps a search of fellow people?

Background: I started drinking 2.5 years ago, days after my oldest daughter told me that her father (my ex-husband) had been raping her for five years. Never drank before then; someone made me a drink when "our" story was broadcast on the nightly news and I needed to calm my nerves.

Fast forward to now and count all that I have lost because I am an alcoholic:

Children (3)
Home
Vehicle
License
Job
Respect and self-dignity (after a DUI and following probation violation)
Love and support of family and friends

The first and the last are all that really matter to me. My children are under the control of my family, who have, in my opinion, turned their back on me completely. I can't put into words how much this hurts.

I need help. I lost my health insurance with my job. I have to complete a recovery program to even consider getting my kids back. And, even at my age, I feel completely abandoned by my family and friends. I know that people should not be "enablers" but I am desperate :(

Any advice? (Yes, I went to AA all of last year, all the while stopping at the liquor store following a meeting....)

I also lost everything except my life and that was very close. I picked up after meeting also and know many that did. But the seed was planted and one day it sprouted. Fake it till you make it. I hope you return people are waiting for you with open arms.

You can do it, and things will become so much better.

Welcome aboard :)

I would advise going back to AA and NOT stopping at the liquor store. Buddy up with one of the girls to help get you home "safe and sound".
Did you have a sponsor in AA? It sounds like you have to dive into AA with both feet.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

It doesn't sound like she can afford to "fake it" given what is at stake.

Intjuniper, check your private messages.

There are other recovery methods besides AA and I think if you look around here, you will find something that fits for you.

I came very, very close to losing all that you have lost and I am sorry you're going through this. Know that you can recover and we are here to offer support.

Welcome to SR!

Yes, I went to AA all of last year, all the while stopping at the liquor store following a meeting....

I think you know that, that's not how you're supposed to "do" AA.

AA is probably your best option right now as a daily program. It's free (most people however throw a dollar in the basket), there are probably several meetings everyday in your area, and it sounds like you could use the fellowship. This website can also be a uesful tool. For me, it was a combination of both that has helped me stay sober.

Really don't know what to say.
I have been in nearly the same situation as you, and that was bad enough. Thi nk of yourself first and foremost. Your sobriety is the main thing here.
Everything else will fall into place.

Hi and welcome intjuniper.
I'm very sorry to read your story and I'm sorry for the pain and sorrow.

I think there comes a point tho when we have to say enough, draw a line in the sand, and decide not to hurt ourselves anymore.

I think support is very important, and you'll find a lot of that here :)

As you'll soon discover, there's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

I also think it's important not only to get support in dealing with your drinking, but dealing with the events in your life as well - have you had any counselling at all intjuniper?

D

Go back to AA, have a First Step meeting (or two, or three...however many it takes) really work those first two steps, get a sponsor, do 90 in 90...give up trying to control alcohol on your own. I am finding that only through the support of the community and the program can i personally stay sober. Don't try to fight it alone.

Hi intjuniper,
I lost everything you did too, except I don't have children. I did in-patient rehab and there were many people who's lives were torn apart from sexual abuse within the family. You are not alone out there and I hope that you can find someone to talk to.

Honesty would seem to be quite important in your case. The fact that you are able to acknowledge that you went for a bottle after AA meetings is a good start. You have had HUGE losses, so reality is not something that you wish to face. That’s quite understandable. You have been dealt a really bad hand. However, at this point, there is nothing so bad that a drink wont make worse.

If you can turn things around, you will be an inspiration to those who one day hear your story, and somehow I think you can…………… but the bedrock for that beginning is complete honesty.

You sound like me, minus some specifics. I attend AA, I have no money for the basket, but I go and I even drink their coffee. One day, I'll be able to repay them. For now, I have a sponsor and I work the steps. Those steps saved my life. Today, I have a part time job. I haven't gone without food or shelter in 10+ months. My life is turning around.

It's not easy, but it is simple. When I was at the end of my rope, I had no options left. I went to AA, sat and listened, heard someone's story and ran up to her after she spoke. She spent 2 days guiding me through the steps. I have been a different person since then. Not everything is spectacular, but I can look in the mirror today and not feel all of the guilt and shame. It's getting better.

You can try AVRT, but no matter what program you choose, work it like your life depends on it! I just didn't have money to buy that book, in fact, I still really don't have much money, but the bills are getting paid, the old creditors are spoken to, and life is so much more than it had been.

First, you must stop drinking and learn to stay stopped with a program of recovery. It doesn't matter how or why you drank, today it's about NOT drinking.

I know you can do this!

Hugs & love,

Had I continued to drink I would have lost all that is dear to me. I stopped in time. I wish you peace and ambition to work on your sobriety. Welcome to a loving family here at SR.:hug:

I was in the same boat as you were. I went to AA and still drank after a meeting. I was bad. I had never ever drank after a meeting before. I chose to though because I lived a selfish nightmare that since I had moved out of my parents place I could do whatever I wanted without them knowing. So I drank. I got to the point where I stopped caring about AA. Sometimes I planned a night out to drink with a friend even after a meeting and yes.... even he was aware of my trying to quit but never said anything once I brought over the booze. free booze... who can argue that right? So when I planned to hang with him and drink for the night even after a meeting I decided I would drink even before a meeting!!! One night it was crazy, my friend and I planned to drink as soon as I got back and told him to pre drink whatever he had on hand and agreed and I drank with my dinner. I got to a buzz and had to really stop drinking because I had to get to the meeting. So there I was... sitting in a meeting, buzzed as hell and yet I wasn't upset... more less I wanted to just get out of there so I could drink. my next drink was sitting in my personal fridge by my basement bedroom waiting to be drank and thats all I ever thought the whole time was getting the drink in me so I could have "fun" with my friend.

Just related to that. I was lucky. I never lost my job... came close by a thread... had to prove ALOT to my boss I wanted my job and ended up at the bottom where I worked 1 shift a week for a couple of months. I had to move back home because the shift wasnt enough to cover my rent and groceries and cellphone bill. So basically I drank all my rent money away a 4 days before it was due and moved out within 5 days because I couldn't stay in the place anymore due to heavy drinkers living there... my landlord was a heavy drinker and daily.

I hope you can get some confidence back someday. It may take awhile but one day you'll be able to look back and say thank god I got out of that. 7 months ago I couldn't dream of where I was today, it seemed too good to be true. When I moved back into my parents home i was a wreck but luckily I had some "undeserved" time off and was able to go to aa everyday. I really hope you find inner peace. I wish I could offer more advice but I never lost everything as you did, just my self pride basically. good luck you're in the right place here at SR.com!

I agree with Bob on this one. Carpool with other members so that you can make sure you will go right to the meeting and right home with no pit-stops. Don't carry any money with if you don't need to. When I go to my meetings I carry 2 bucks in my pocket for the collection basket and I leave the rest at home so I won't be tempted.

hang in there its gonna be allright

hang in there its gonna be allright

"...no matter what program you choose, work it like your life depends on it!"

Great advice. Basically, sober up or die. Telling it like it is. Harsh? Yup. And it works.

Welcome intjuniper -

I'm so sad for what you're going through, but glad you're here...... I agree with what Bonnie said about putting yourself (and sobriety) first. It's amazing what can happen when we get sober and start tackling things one day at a time. It doesn't even have to be big steps - just start with a phone call or two.

There are resources out there: AA is one, but there might be low cost mental health services or other government services you could take advantage of. You took a step today just by reaching out here...... :c031: Things really can get better.