12skiptomylue

You all have been following my posts, and hearing my struggles: am I an alcoholic or not?? I kind of knew the answer I think, deep down (and probably not the one that you are going to agree with, but please hear me out).

I realized that I felt that if I wasn't an alcoholic, then I wasn't deserving of help to stop drinking.

I honestly believe, and can support by assessments and the DSM, that I am an alcohol abuser, and a "problem drinker", at risk for becoming an alcoholic in the future. I guess I've felt that is not a "big enough" problem to ask for help for. Like, people who do identify themselves as an alcoholic would think I was being a faker, or trying to be in the "cool" alcoholic group.

What I think I know right now, is that I shouldn't go back to drinking after the 30 days are up. I'm very tempted to try moderation because I've never tried that before. But I think I know, it wouldn't change my patterns enough.

Dee made a comment a few days ago about "being tired or running". That has really been my mantra these last few days, and gives me so much motivation to change. And I am changing. I am doing the work.

I'm not going to worry so much about what I'm going to do in 21 days, and just focus on what I need right now.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement over the last two weeks.

Gavinandnikki

I think if one is trying to not drink for today, it is very key to tell yourself exactly that. I will not drink today.
It's just TOO much to let the devil in your mind reach out into the future and think about how long you are not going to drink.
Whether you are a "real" alcoholic or not is a separate issue. Not drinking for today is all any of us can do, cause we sure as hell can't drink tomorrow today!

Good luck!
PJ

Jeni26

I too didnt know if I was an alcoholic, and am still unsure. I certainly never get into trouble with the police, don't get into terribly dangerous situations, and am able to hold down a professional career. But I drink too much, don't enjoy my life as I should, suffer from crippling anxiety and depression and feel a fraud. Spending my weekends in an alcoholic haze full of self loathing has got to stop, and it will stop. Haven't had a drink since Friday, the first time I've had a sober Saturday and Sunday since I can remember and am starting to feel better already. I think I can only move forwards from here. I owe it to myself.

2granddaughters

If you can fight the devil in your mind and win I tip my hat to you. Carry on.

If, on the other hand, the devil keeps winning then you may want to quit fighting and surrender. Come to AA and admit you are powerless. It's worked for me, it may be just what you need.

Only you can make the decision. I wish you the best and mean no disrespect to anyone.

Bob R

sugarbear1

Just cause we have "not yet" done those things doesn't mean it's not impossible for the future....

The average person doesn't need to think about not drinking or need to question themselves.

Problem drinker, leaning towards, yeah....probably.

Stay stopped!

If life gets wonderful, alcohol was the problem.
If life gets irritable, discontent, and restless (anxiety, full of fears/phobias, and depressing), there's another solution in AA or in AVRT. Find one, grab hold and work it like you don't want those "not yets" to happen!

I wish you well on staying stopped!

Jeni26

Thank you. I will take on everything that's been said. Going to go down the AA route and see where it leads me. Don't really understand the being powerless path but maybe that's because I'm still a little bit in denial! I've a long way to go and a long journey to make but am on my way.

artsoul

I think I understand what you're saying, but I don't think anyone here or in recovery would want you to feel that way. They'd be more likely to encourage you to get support (in whatever form helps you most) because they know where this path can lead.

I think it's great that you're aware of your alcohol abuse and are taking some action instead of ignoring it (like so many of us did). We're here for encouragement, always.

DoinThis

I like that last post artsoul. I wish I'd stopped drinking when I had an 'inkling' there might be a problem

langkah

Only 3 weeks left, try your very best to hang in there.

Sapling

I'd say that's more than enough reason to wave the white flag and admit defeat.

GirlFromCO

It'd be nice if you were right. That being said, you've got 21 more days of 'cool off' time - maybe it would be best if you finished that before you decide? It can't hurt to have more perspective.

12skiptomylue

Artsoul, thanks for getting what I'm saying. Now that I've recognized what I am saying to myself (I don't deserve help), I can work on challenging that, and hopefully, racking up support that proves the opposite.

The last few days have been relatively easy, and I realized this morning, that I think I like me better when I don't drink. I'm not stubbling around. I don't have to worry the next morning about how much I may have behaved like a **** to my friends. There are some things I miss....but for today, it's not worth it.

I've recognized that there is a problem.

instant

My powerlessness is that I have no control as to wether I get cravings, and an "obseesion" (as per the big book) that grows if i drink. I have been sober 10 months so I understand the " therefore I am not powerless over alcohol" line.

stillsleeping

Hey Skip, ace to hear from you again

Yeah, you got a problem. If there was any other part of your life you were in this much conflict over, you'd recognise that it was a problem, right?

I liked the 'just for today' thing at the beginning - it let me deal with this in little, day-sized chunks. Now I'm starting week 4, and me an my H are having serious conversations about my recovery and the fact that I will probably never drink or do coke again. And the thought doesn't scare me. I'm not great with it, but it doesn't make me want to curl up and cry. And he's had time to get used to the idea too...

Do it day by day, but be prepared for your feelings to change as the days go by. I'm glad you like yourself better sober

Take care hun
xxx

IndaMiricale

Well I am just glad your even thinking about it, got me beat by many many years. If you can handle awesome. But there can be a lot of "yets" out there for you like sugarbear mentioned. Keep it all in mind , and there will always be help if you need it.

And I definatly live one day at a time.

leenliz

If those cravings turn up, it helps if you could ask yourself this...would your life be better off without alcohol?, I can answer that for you. .

12skiptomylue

Probably the most powerful thing that I have read on SR since I came here was:

Does alcohol add anything GOOD to your life? (No!)
Does not drinking add anything GOOD to your life (I think so, still undecided....but it's early )
Does not drinking add anything BAD to your life? (No - I mean, it helps me feel better when I'm feeling bad - but it's a very unhealthy way to feel better).

I feel good that I am coming to conclusions for myself, and that I am making an effort, and asking for help, to change. Not only hear, but with a friend, my therapist, and an old professor.