doinforaj

I am 27. Have a wife and 3yr old and 1 yr old. I had a bad Heroin problem in early 20's but I got clean before I met my wife. I began using 2-3x a month, and actualy did that for about 2 years before my recent problem. I finally got a habit and have been using everyday for the last 6 months. It has been getting worse and worse, but I am now on 6-8 bags a day.

SOOOO, I have tried getting off dope a few times in the last months, but it causes BIG problems with my wife. She actually rather me be high, and have me be super dad and super husband, than me detox and have me sick for a few days. She has never used drugs and does not understand addiction. She has never seen me in my worst, so she doesnt understand whee this will go if it keeps going. I am lucky enough that i have no consequences for the last 6 months of using other than a ****** looking checking acct. Job doesnt know, friends and family doesnt know, and our life, other than me doing dope everyday, is normal.

I dont know what to do. Ialmost rather go into rehab than be home and have her fighting with me b/c I am sick on the couch and not being agreat husband and dad like I normally am when I am high.

I do not want to call her selfish, but what else could it be that she rather me be high than try and get clean and go through me being sick and depressed for a few days.

What else can I do? I CANNOT keep getting high. I have been lucky enough that this last run has had NO consequences, but Iknow enough about addiction and have been to the bottom of the pit before and know that soon, no matter what, I will be down there.

Thanks soo much. I really hope to get some help.

doinforaj

I have a script of 8 mg subs. I hope to not use tomorrow and begin a 30 day detox tomorrow. My last use was 4pm today so when I start to get sick tomrrow, I am planning on taking a sub. I then hope to take the subs, but not long enough to start an addiction on the Subs.

I talked about rehab, but my wife's biggest concern is that she does not want people to know whats going on. Everyone in our area knows I did use at one time, but think I have over 4 years clean. She is scared of what people will think if I go to rehab. I hope to get clean on my own, but I have been through this enough to know doing this on your own is VERY VERY DIFFICULT.

But I am afraid when I am detoxing how my home life will be. I am lucky enough to have a job where if Itake afew days off it will not be a big deal, but I am really afraid of my home life. The last few times I tried, she said she rather me be high than act the way I was acting towards my kids. You know when your detoxing, the last thing you want to do when your detoxing, is change diapers and deal with kids all day......even if they are your own. And when I am high, I am superdad and super-husband. And my wife is not willing to deal with me when I am not like that.

WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!

Dee74

Hi dointhisforaj

I think you need to take a step back and look at this rationally.

You know if you continue to use H, things will get worse - thats the trajectory of addiction for everyone...and the changes are you may not be around for your wife or your kids, and everyone will know why.

Your wife may not understand why you want to do this - but you do.... you know what's right - I believe your wife will come to realise that you staying clean and sober is not only the best way to go for you, but for her and your children too

Not sure where you got the subs from but you may want to run your situation past a Dr if you haven't already - why not get a professional opinion?

D

ReadyAndAble

Well, I don't know what to say about your wife. Is there any way to get her to look down the road, to see where this is heading if you don't stop? Does she really think you can go on like this, maintaining an image of normalcy when in fact you're hooked on one of the most powerful and dangerous drugs? Does she really think everyone won't eventually find out? Would she weather they find out after you've been arrested or OD'd?

Sounds like you know what you need to do. I think for your sake, and your kids' sake, you need to make nothing and no one stands in your way. Not even her.

I'm glad you came here. It's a little slow this time of night, especially on the weekend. You'll find a lot of support here, and also on the substance abuse forums.... Come to think of it, maybe you could get your wife to check out the friends & family forums. There are people there who are praying every single day that their loved ones would do just what you're doing, and make this effort to save themselves for it's too late.

You should be proud of yourself for reaching out. One day your kids will be very proud of you.

dawnrunner

I have to admit I am a little ???? about your wife's attitude. She may need more real information, because it sounds like she's invested in a fantasy world.

Heroin is a tough master and the path to destruction is very direct. Does she know what you have been spending?

I am so glad you are committed to getting free of it, but doing it on your own is going to be hard. When you quit previously, how did you do it? Is any kind of rehab an option? Or medical supervision in some form, even public health nurse visits?

Anyway I wish you the best, and I think the suggestion above, that your wife do some reading in the Friends and Family forum on this board, is excellent.

I am going to be thinking of you and praying for you today and all this week. Hang in there, and don't hesitate to get yourself to an emergency room if needed.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I don't know what to say about your wife either. If she prefers you high, and cares more about what other people know about your heroin use, it doesn't sound like a good situation to me. That's just my opinion.

You know how you feel and that you need to stop using heroin. Do whatever it takes to get off it and stay focused on your recovery. You must do this for yourself and for your children who deserve a sober father.

stillsleeping

Dude, hi, and I'm with the others. For ANY addict to be in a place where they want to quit, that time is a shrinking window, and you should jump through it while you can. I'm baffled by the wife, too... it's not like bein a bit cranky while you quit smoking, this is is heroin.
Whatever.
It's always horrible when you're having to try and convince other people that you have a problem. Maybe you shouldn't bother. Is there somewhere else you could go to detox? If she doesn't want you around being a "bad" father (!!! I'm still having trouble with getting off drugs = bad father...) while you go through the first few days, fair enough. It could be a scary thing for a kid to see.
How about a clinic? A good friend/family you could confide in?

Good luck hun, I hope we hear from you again soon.

Still
xx

andisa

Two points to consider here. First, to hell with what anyone might think if you go through rehab. Far better that than to lose your life.

It may well be that your wife would rather have you high than the way you act towards the kids when not. She wants you THERE is what she is saying. If the way you are "there" is high and nice, how much nicer, i.e. more convenient, that is for her. No-one wants to deal with the difficulties someone going through withdrawls. But know that that state is temporary! And how indescribably better it will be when past that phase. Then you can proceed to direct your life as you choose, not as the drugs dictate.

Very best in proceeding in a positive direction to you.

Nirvana1

My question to you: Does your wife really prefer you stay high and not take a couple days to get clean? or is that what you think?

Even if she has expressed that it is better for you to use everyday, I think you know what you should really do. I promise that she will come around after a few days and be happy that you got better.

Like Dee said, It's time to think about the situation rationally and do the right thing.

IndaMiricale

Maybe go to another city and detox, whatever you choose choose the way to live. My mother was a heroin addict for many years and still shoot methadone to this day and she is 62. If you were to live that long I sure wouldnt want your children to live threw the pain like I did.

I also did everything from Acid to Zanax , and at 40 years old I have 85 days clean. Never before and I want nothing to do with being altered anymore.

Do it for you and then your children, your wife doesnt understand addiction so you cant let her get in the way of you choosing a life.

Good luck and keep us posted.

ranchero500

Think about your kids........

It would be better if they remember Super Dad having a tough time at their current age, which won't be much off a memory.

In 5 years, which will go by in a snap, they will be 8 and 6. A much more impressionable age.

The wife will get over it and you will get through it.

The longer you wait, the harder it will be. Start now.

Think about your addiction being over and becoming a better Super Dad.

sugarbear1

I'm confused in general here. I didn't know heroin acted like speed, most people I know nod out and aren't very "super" at much while high.

I hope you do go to that 30 day detox tomorrow! I wish you a wonderful sober life!

Peace,

desertsong

I am also confused about your wife's attitude. Has she ever seen you completely clean and sober? Is your demeanor more pleasant when you are using than when you aren't? How much does she really know and understand about addiction, especially to one of the most powerful drugs on the planet?

When I first decided to get sober, my husband was still an active alcoholic. He was pleased that I quit drinking, though, and supported me going to AA, etc. But he wasn't ready to get sober himself. While my situation is a bit different from yours, the bottom line is that I had to make the decision to get sober no matter what he did or thought. Anything that I put before my sobriety, I was going to lose. I have two kids as well, ages 13 and 16, and for about half of their lives, they saw me drunk. Unacceptable. My kids deserved a sober mother and if my husband didn't get sober, oh well. I had to do what I knew was right. Interestingly (and thankfully) my husband is now sober too.

So do you. This is important. This is your life. If your wife wants you to be around for awhile, you have to get clean. If I were you, I'd sit her down and be brutally honest ... tell her where you are going to end up if you don't get clean and what it will do to your family. Tell her about the finances. Give her some materials to read about heroin addiction (you can pull lots of stuff off the internet). Ask her to look at this honestly and ask her to look at it from just your family life point of view. The hell with what anyone else thinks ... this is your life, and this is your family. Nobody else matters. If she still isn't supportive, go anyway. Work your program, get clean and stay clean. Immerse yourself in your recovery and in your family life. Do it for YOURSELF first ... of course you want to do it for your kids, but you have to put yourself first right now or you won't get clean for them. In some ways, early recovery has to be a very selfish thing ... if you don't make it a priority, well then, you won't make it a priority. It's that simple.

Whatever your wife does, I think you should go to the rehab and just be done with it. If she doesn't want to see you sick and suffering at home, then do it away from home. Just DO it and let the chips fall where they may. If she isn't supportive, then you have some things you will really need to think about as far as the future. I won't tell you what to do there ... I'll only say that anyone who isn't supportive of you being clean might be someone whose role in your life you may have to reconsider.

Sorry to go on and on ... your post just struck a nerve with me and I feel for you. I'd love to see you get clean and you sound motivated to do it. Go with what you feel in your heart. At the very least, you'd be giving those wonderful children a brand new dad and a new future. That should be enough.

stairs

Maybe you could make an appointment with an addictions counselor and you and your wife have a sit down, and get the input of the counselor? It's great that you want to get clean!