Relapsed
Elisabeth, I have been where you are several times - I guess we are slow learners.
My alky brain can twist any scenario to make it acceptable for me to have a drink. I say "a" drink because that's all it takes to launch me back into that junk show. I'm reasonably intelligent too, but that hasn't done a darned thing to keep me sober ... ever. It took AA and working the 12 steps (not half-a**ing them), meeting with a sponsor, coming to SR, and more than anything, giving this junk show over to my higher power (for me, it's God). Complete surrender followed by complete acceptance. I realize I am not able to do this on my own ... left to my own devices, I will drink again. I've proven that to myself over and over again. Surprisingly, that realization didn't make me feel scared or hopeless ... it freed me. It is incredibly liberating to know that I DON'T have to do this on my own.
Now I work Steps 1, 2, and 3 EVERY SINGLE DAY and I can't tell you what a difference it has made this time around. For the first time in over a year, I have absolutely ZERO desire to drink. It'll happen for you again too if you get solidly back into AA and get going on those steps again.
Oh well, I have a cold and it's getting late, so I'm babbling. Anyway, I'm just glad you're back!!! So happy to see you and wishing you all the best in your recovery. You did it before ... you can do it again. I have faith in you.
My alky brain can twist any scenario to make it acceptable for me to have a drink. I say "a" drink because that's all it takes to launch me back into that junk show. I'm reasonably intelligent too, but that hasn't done a darned thing to keep me sober ... ever. It took AA and working the 12 steps (not half-a**ing them), meeting with a sponsor, coming to SR, and more than anything, giving this junk show over to my higher power (for me, it's God). Complete surrender followed by complete acceptance. I realize I am not able to do this on my own ... left to my own devices, I will drink again. I've proven that to myself over and over again. Surprisingly, that realization didn't make me feel scared or hopeless ... it freed me. It is incredibly liberating to know that I DON'T have to do this on my own.
Now I work Steps 1, 2, and 3 EVERY SINGLE DAY and I can't tell you what a difference it has made this time around. For the first time in over a year, I have absolutely ZERO desire to drink. It'll happen for you again too if you get solidly back into AA and get going on those steps again.
Oh well, I have a cold and it's getting late, so I'm babbling. Anyway, I'm just glad you're back!!! So happy to see you and wishing you all the best in your recovery. You did it before ... you can do it again. I have faith in you.
(((Elizabeth!!))) I am so glad you are back! I remember very clearly my last relapse.....I also can remember being beat up by one person on this forum and was hurt but everyone else was so encouraging! One guy said, "We don't shoot our wounded...." I thought that was so kind. Today I have a year and 3 months... You can do this girl!
So glad you made it back, we are here for you, so please keep sharing!
Blessings, Lily
So glad you made it back, we are here for you, so please keep sharing!
Blessings, Lily
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
It's all good Elisabeth...Do what you say here...Move through those steps... and pretty soon you''ll be telling a sponsee the same thing...Glad you're back and you didn't need two years to find out it doesn't get better...
I have had my arse kicked for sure. I have been trying to stay sober for 3 years. I am so sick of relapsing. But it is me. I am the problem.
I have to accept that I am going to be uncomfortable. Of course, being drunk for a week and not taking my meds has not helped the situation.
I have to accept that I am going to be uncomfortable. Of course, being drunk for a week and not taking my meds has not helped the situation.
Wow, so cool to watch people get that. For so long I tried to make the problem outside of me, by any possible avenue. When I conceded that I was the problem, that it all dwelled within me, that's when recovery began.
I bet you may not see it, but you are in a prime position to have your life recreated. Buckle up!
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