A sad night
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: US and Canada
Posts: 15
A sad night
I am 1000 miles away right now from my husband('s body). He was a registered forum poster - who unfortunately didn't read and post here enough - who didn't get or take the help he desperately needed. No one could help him but himself.
This evening, having not heard from him today, and having left several messages on our home machine, I called the area hospitals, hoping he had called for help and had been admitted. Nothing there. I called the police for a 'wellness check' and then sat here, 2 days drive away, for over 2 hours (hoping against hope that they found him just passed out and got him to hospital) before I heard the very sad news. News that has not yet really had a chance to sink in yet.
Tomorrow I begin a very long and sorrowful journey. He didn't want to die. I hoped he would not - but I had to let God determine what would happen. Didn't go our way this time.
He died, I think, detoxing at home, alone. The house though apparently was scattered with empty vodka bottles. I loved him very much - and, with what little that was left of himself, he loved me too. But, we had our ups and downs as I fought NOT to enable him and he fought his demons alone. He refused to get help. He had detoxed before, but each session was rougher and rougher. I was really worried about him this time - vomiting blood, weak, a mess - so he (and his voice over the phone) told me. I begged him to call for help. He lied to me - as alcoholics do - and told me he was feeling better but would if he needed it. This all happened though, I believe, on day 3 of his detox.
DO NOT DETOX ALONE AT HOME, PLEASE! Someone loves you very much and is going to go through hell over and over again with you gone - and perhaps too if you had lived but, in retrospect, that would have been pleasant compared to this I am experiencing tonight. What a mess I have to sort out now ... and the worst part is I will do it alone, without my best friend.
This evening, having not heard from him today, and having left several messages on our home machine, I called the area hospitals, hoping he had called for help and had been admitted. Nothing there. I called the police for a 'wellness check' and then sat here, 2 days drive away, for over 2 hours (hoping against hope that they found him just passed out and got him to hospital) before I heard the very sad news. News that has not yet really had a chance to sink in yet.
Tomorrow I begin a very long and sorrowful journey. He didn't want to die. I hoped he would not - but I had to let God determine what would happen. Didn't go our way this time.
He died, I think, detoxing at home, alone. The house though apparently was scattered with empty vodka bottles. I loved him very much - and, with what little that was left of himself, he loved me too. But, we had our ups and downs as I fought NOT to enable him and he fought his demons alone. He refused to get help. He had detoxed before, but each session was rougher and rougher. I was really worried about him this time - vomiting blood, weak, a mess - so he (and his voice over the phone) told me. I begged him to call for help. He lied to me - as alcoholics do - and told me he was feeling better but would if he needed it. This all happened though, I believe, on day 3 of his detox.
DO NOT DETOX ALONE AT HOME, PLEASE! Someone loves you very much and is going to go through hell over and over again with you gone - and perhaps too if you had lived but, in retrospect, that would have been pleasant compared to this I am experiencing tonight. What a mess I have to sort out now ... and the worst part is I will do it alone, without my best friend.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Middle of no where, oklahoma
Posts: 2,696
I'm so sorry for your loss. I detoxed at home and thought it'll be ok but it was scary and might not have. I will remember you as I see others detoxing on their own.
Again, so sorry
Kim
Again, so sorry
Kim
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I am very, very sorry for your loss—all the pain you feel now, all the pain you've already been through. Addiction is a monstrous thing.
You sound very strong, but I hope you have someone to lean on at this time. Thank you for taking the time to post tonight. It just may do some good, perhaps spare others from the loss you have suffered. My deepest condolences to you and yours.
You sound very strong, but I hope you have someone to lean on at this time. Thank you for taking the time to post tonight. It just may do some good, perhaps spare others from the loss you have suffered. My deepest condolences to you and yours.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
I don't even know where to start or what to say except that I am so very sorry for your loss but think it's so awesome that you are putting a very personal and loud message on this forum for all of us to see. You could very well save someone's life tonight with this post about the reality of pain and loss due to alcoholism. You sound courageous, strong and compassionate...hang in there and find support in those you love ((hugs))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: US and Canada
Posts: 15
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.
I have not met you (though I have read posts from many of you over the years), but, I feel your presence in my heart right now - and believe me, it does help me. I will cope, but, oh so sadly. I will be back here to the forums in the days, weeks, months and probably years to come ... to read and cheer you on as well - those of you who need strength to get through the trials that brought you here, I hope I can send some back to you too.
He was 60. I am 62. Hard time to start over - but, yes, I am strong and I will be ok, in time. He had no real physical effects that I know of (will probably find out if there is an autopsy) despite years of heavy drinking - he was lucky that way. He could have quit (if he could have quit) and we would probably have had a future worth holding on for. I could merely stand in the wings, pray and wait. The wait unfortunately is over.
Take care of yourselves, and thanks again for your responses and support. My thoughts are with you too in your struggles.
I have not met you (though I have read posts from many of you over the years), but, I feel your presence in my heart right now - and believe me, it does help me. I will cope, but, oh so sadly. I will be back here to the forums in the days, weeks, months and probably years to come ... to read and cheer you on as well - those of you who need strength to get through the trials that brought you here, I hope I can send some back to you too.
He was 60. I am 62. Hard time to start over - but, yes, I am strong and I will be ok, in time. He had no real physical effects that I know of (will probably find out if there is an autopsy) despite years of heavy drinking - he was lucky that way. He could have quit (if he could have quit) and we would probably have had a future worth holding on for. I could merely stand in the wings, pray and wait. The wait unfortunately is over.
Take care of yourselves, and thanks again for your responses and support. My thoughts are with you too in your struggles.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I'm so sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you....But I thank you for sharing this that it may save someone else's life...As people do this on and off this site far too often... How many do we not hear about? I have a good friend in AA who found her brother like this...Same way...Didn't answer his calls...In his apartment surrounded by recovery books and empty bottles and cans....She had to take care of it herself also as her mother didn't know either of her children were alcoholics. She got through that...As I know you will too...I pray for you for strength. And again I thank you....For shedding light on how horrific this disease is...And that good people reaching out for help...Sometimes just don't reach far enough. God bless you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
