I Want To Punch My Doctor In The Soul.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: My Own Headspace
Posts: 158
I Want To Punch My Doctor In The Soul.
So today, my doctor, who is new and has seen me just twice, and who's leaving in a week, said to me: "You need a chemical dependency evaluation." I said "What are you talking about? Seriously? I haven't had pills in weeks, I don't drink, and I don't smoke. Because I doubled up on Ativan, I need to go to rehab?"
Here I'm thinking I should be breaking my arm patting myself on the back for closing in on two and a half weeks clean, and for not even having a problem with drugs or alcohol in my life before now (oxys, not alcohol).
When I got off the pain meds, I called him and asked him for help getting off of them. I didn't want to go off oxys without medical intervention, if I could help it because I had read that it was dreadful. He said he can see me on May 5th. I didn't want to wait that long, so I researched (online) how to do it cold-turkey. And so I did it on my own. I ran out of Ativan early because I used it to help me get through the symptoms of withdrawal, as opposed to just for anxiety as they're prescribed.
I told him this both before and after I got off the pain meds. I told him my plan, and that I didn't want to wait until May. So he wrote me a new prescription for Ativan, .5 mg three times a day ~ same as it's been for 14 years now. Then today he tells me that I "broke" his trust by filling the prescription early???
He KNEW I was going to do that. I TOLD him. He's the one who told me my insurance wouldn't pay for it because it would be too early. I already knew this, but he's the one who said it right there in his office. And then when I asked him why he would want me to stop taking a benzodiazepene (Ativan) cold-turkey if it's dangerous, he said "I'm sure you know enough people to ask about drugs." Pffft. He never even told me it was dangerous. I learned that here, and at other places online. Maybe he was talking about my boyfriend, who would write me a prescription for anything I wanted, if I asked him (which is why he's now my ex). I did tell him that one time my BF wrote me a script for oxys. I never filled it, and shredded it in my therapist's office. My therapist works with this doctor, so he must know it's true.
So now I feel offended. And judged. And like a loser.
"I'm sure you know enough people to ask about drugs." Really??
I asked him to back up and tell me what he meant by that statement. He stuttered and said, "Oh, um, I mean, your pharmacist." He said it in a condescending I'm-better-than-you kinda way. *****.
Either way, I feel exposed. I thought I was being honest with him (and myself) and maybe he's looking for the deep-down raw kind of honesty where I say to him "Look, I'm an addict and this is how it has and is affecting my life and those I love."
He'll have to wait for that, because I'm not quite there yet, even with myself....
Not sure why something like this has me unhinged, but it does. I'll never see this guy again, and will be back with the doctor I had for 9 years before him (she left and came back).
Maybe he just hit a nerve and I need to just let it go and not let it ruin my night.
Or....maybe it's one of those things that was meant to happen, and I need to process it more and find valuable meaning in what he said. I'm not sure which. And that kinda sucks.
This is so stinkin' hard.
Here I'm thinking I should be breaking my arm patting myself on the back for closing in on two and a half weeks clean, and for not even having a problem with drugs or alcohol in my life before now (oxys, not alcohol).
When I got off the pain meds, I called him and asked him for help getting off of them. I didn't want to go off oxys without medical intervention, if I could help it because I had read that it was dreadful. He said he can see me on May 5th. I didn't want to wait that long, so I researched (online) how to do it cold-turkey. And so I did it on my own. I ran out of Ativan early because I used it to help me get through the symptoms of withdrawal, as opposed to just for anxiety as they're prescribed.
I told him this both before and after I got off the pain meds. I told him my plan, and that I didn't want to wait until May. So he wrote me a new prescription for Ativan, .5 mg three times a day ~ same as it's been for 14 years now. Then today he tells me that I "broke" his trust by filling the prescription early???
He KNEW I was going to do that. I TOLD him. He's the one who told me my insurance wouldn't pay for it because it would be too early. I already knew this, but he's the one who said it right there in his office. And then when I asked him why he would want me to stop taking a benzodiazepene (Ativan) cold-turkey if it's dangerous, he said "I'm sure you know enough people to ask about drugs." Pffft. He never even told me it was dangerous. I learned that here, and at other places online. Maybe he was talking about my boyfriend, who would write me a prescription for anything I wanted, if I asked him (which is why he's now my ex). I did tell him that one time my BF wrote me a script for oxys. I never filled it, and shredded it in my therapist's office. My therapist works with this doctor, so he must know it's true.
So now I feel offended. And judged. And like a loser.
"I'm sure you know enough people to ask about drugs." Really??
I asked him to back up and tell me what he meant by that statement. He stuttered and said, "Oh, um, I mean, your pharmacist." He said it in a condescending I'm-better-than-you kinda way. *****.
Either way, I feel exposed. I thought I was being honest with him (and myself) and maybe he's looking for the deep-down raw kind of honesty where I say to him "Look, I'm an addict and this is how it has and is affecting my life and those I love."
He'll have to wait for that, because I'm not quite there yet, even with myself....
Not sure why something like this has me unhinged, but it does. I'll never see this guy again, and will be back with the doctor I had for 9 years before him (she left and came back).
Maybe he just hit a nerve and I need to just let it go and not let it ruin my night.
Or....maybe it's one of those things that was meant to happen, and I need to process it more and find valuable meaning in what he said. I'm not sure which. And that kinda sucks.
This is so stinkin' hard.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 773
Originally Posted by Jilllian 
So today, my doctor, who is new and has seen me just twice, and who's leaving in a week, said to me: "You need a chemical dependency evaluation." I said "What are you talking about? Seriously? I haven't had pills in weeks, I don't drink, and I don't smoke. Because I doubled up on Ativan, I need to go to rehab?"
Here I'm thinking I should be breaking my arm patting myself on the back for closing in on two and a half weeks clean, and for not even having a problem with drugs or alcohol in my life before now (oxys, not alcohol).
When I got off the pain meds, I called him and asked him for help getting off of them. I didn't want to go off oxys without medical intervention, if I could help it because I had read that it was dreadful. He said he can see me on May 5th. I didn't want to wait that long, so I researched (online) how to do it cold-turkey. And so I did it on my own. I ran out of Ativan early because I used it to help me get through the symptoms of withdrawal, as opposed to just for anxiety as they're prescribed.
I told him this both before and after I got off the pain meds. I told him my plan, and that I didn't want to wait until May. So he wrote me a new prescription for Ativan, .5 mg three times a day ~ same as it's been for 14 years now. Then today he tells me that I "broke" his trust by filling the prescription early???
He KNEW I was going to do that. I TOLD him. He's the one who told me my insurance wouldn't pay for it because it would be too early. I already knew this, but he's the one who said it right there in his office. And then when I asked him why he would want me to stop taking a benzodiazepene (Ativan) cold-turkey if it's dangerous, he said "I'm sure you know enough people to ask about drugs." Pffft. He never even told me it was dangerous. I learned that here, and at other places online. Maybe he was talking about my boyfriend, who would write me a prescription for anything I wanted, if I asked him (which is why he's now my ex). I did tell him that one time my BF wrote me a script for oxys. I never filled it, and shredded it in my therapist's office. My therapist works with this doctor, so he must know it's true.
So now I feel offended. And judged. And like a loser.
"I'm sure you know enough people to ask about drugs." Really??
I asked him to back up and tell me what he meant by that statement. He stuttered and said, "Oh, um, I mean, your pharmacist." He said it in a condescending I'm-better-than-you kinda way. *****.
Either way, I feel exposed. I thought I was being honest with him (and myself) and maybe he's looking for the deep-down raw kind of honesty where I say to him "Look, I'm an addict and this is how it has and is affecting my life and those I love."
He'll have to wait for that, because I'm not quite there yet, even with myself....
Not sure why something like this has me unhinged, but it does. I'll never see this guy again, and will be back with the doctor I had for 9 years before him (she left and came back).
Maybe he just hit a nerve and I need to just let it go and not let it ruin my night.
Or....maybe it's one of those things that was meant to happen, and I need to process it more and find valuable meaning in what he said. I'm not sure which. And that kinda sucks.
This is so stinkin' hard.
Here I'm thinking I should be breaking my arm patting myself on the back for closing in on two and a half weeks clean, and for not even having a problem with drugs or alcohol in my life before now (oxys, not alcohol).
When I got off the pain meds, I called him and asked him for help getting off of them. I didn't want to go off oxys without medical intervention, if I could help it because I had read that it was dreadful. He said he can see me on May 5th. I didn't want to wait that long, so I researched (online) how to do it cold-turkey. And so I did it on my own. I ran out of Ativan early because I used it to help me get through the symptoms of withdrawal, as opposed to just for anxiety as they're prescribed.
I told him this both before and after I got off the pain meds. I told him my plan, and that I didn't want to wait until May. So he wrote me a new prescription for Ativan, .5 mg three times a day ~ same as it's been for 14 years now. Then today he tells me that I "broke" his trust by filling the prescription early???
He KNEW I was going to do that. I TOLD him. He's the one who told me my insurance wouldn't pay for it because it would be too early. I already knew this, but he's the one who said it right there in his office. And then when I asked him why he would want me to stop taking a benzodiazepene (Ativan) cold-turkey if it's dangerous, he said "I'm sure you know enough people to ask about drugs." Pffft. He never even told me it was dangerous. I learned that here, and at other places online. Maybe he was talking about my boyfriend, who would write me a prescription for anything I wanted, if I asked him (which is why he's now my ex). I did tell him that one time my BF wrote me a script for oxys. I never filled it, and shredded it in my therapist's office. My therapist works with this doctor, so he must know it's true.
So now I feel offended. And judged. And like a loser.
"I'm sure you know enough people to ask about drugs." Really??
I asked him to back up and tell me what he meant by that statement. He stuttered and said, "Oh, um, I mean, your pharmacist." He said it in a condescending I'm-better-than-you kinda way. *****.
Either way, I feel exposed. I thought I was being honest with him (and myself) and maybe he's looking for the deep-down raw kind of honesty where I say to him "Look, I'm an addict and this is how it has and is affecting my life and those I love."
He'll have to wait for that, because I'm not quite there yet, even with myself....
Not sure why something like this has me unhinged, but it does. I'll never see this guy again, and will be back with the doctor I had for 9 years before him (she left and came back).
Maybe he just hit a nerve and I need to just let it go and not let it ruin my night.
Or....maybe it's one of those things that was meant to happen, and I need to process it more and find valuable meaning in what he said. I'm not sure which. And that kinda sucks.
This is so stinkin' hard.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Are he and your X in the same type of practice out of the same hospital? (both PCPS or internists?) do they know each other? could they have gossiped? Or does your doc. only know what you have told him? does he think you are getting double scrips?
I'm the X of a physician who enabled me many times, even giving me blank scrips with his signature. i've filled them out for whatever i wanted and needed at the time. when i needed to stop, i was able to do so, but it was more than "uncomfortable"
you've been on Ativan for a long time, i'm surprised that it even works for you. Your PCP doctor may not be the best one to council you on how to stop, did you ask him for a referral to an addiction specialist? (that's what i got, but i confess i felt insulted by that doctor too)
don't worry about your doctor's opinion, worry about getting where you want to be.
I'm the X of a physician who enabled me many times, even giving me blank scrips with his signature. i've filled them out for whatever i wanted and needed at the time. when i needed to stop, i was able to do so, but it was more than "uncomfortable"
you've been on Ativan for a long time, i'm surprised that it even works for you. Your PCP doctor may not be the best one to council you on how to stop, did you ask him for a referral to an addiction specialist? (that's what i got, but i confess i felt insulted by that doctor too)
don't worry about your doctor's opinion, worry about getting where you want to be.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: My Own Headspace
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by Fandy
Are he and your X in the same type of practice out of the same hospital? (both PCPS or internists?) do they know each other? could they have gossiped? Or does your doc. only know what you have told him? does he think you are getting double scrips?
Originally Posted by Fandy
I'm the X of a physician who enabled me many times, even giving me blank scrips with his signature. i've filled them out for whatever i wanted and needed at the time. when i needed to stop, i was able to do so, but it was more than "uncomfortable"
you've been on Ativan for a long time, i'm surprised that it even works for you. Your PCP doctor may not be the best one to council you on how to stop, did you ask him for a referral to an addiction specialist? (that's what i got, but i confess i felt insulted by that doctor too)
don't worry about your doctor's opinion, worry about getting where you want to be.
you've been on Ativan for a long time, i'm surprised that it even works for you. Your PCP doctor may not be the best one to council you on how to stop, did you ask him for a referral to an addiction specialist? (that's what i got, but i confess i felt insulted by that doctor too)
don't worry about your doctor's opinion, worry about getting where you want to be.
I'm embarrassed to say that I don't even know what an addiction specialist is. Do you mean a drug and alcohol counselor? Just wondering if they're the same thing? I'm even more embarrassed to say that I have an apparently useless master's in psychology, because I should know what an addiction specialist is...
I learn so much by coming here.
Now, if only I can get all those initals straight! I know what "A" means, but not "SIL" and "XRAH" and others I've seen here...
One step at a time, huh?
Thanks so much for your help.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
Wait - you've been taking Ativan for 14 years? And you adjusted your dose up for detoxing off pain meds?
I think the doctor who prescribed 14 years of Ativan is the one you should be angry at. Given all of this I would fully expect a new doctor to recommend a chemical dependency assessment.
In any case you need to find a doctor you trust, and be completely honest with that person - otherwise you are playing with fire.
I think the doctor who prescribed 14 years of Ativan is the one you should be angry at. Given all of this I would fully expect a new doctor to recommend a chemical dependency assessment.
In any case you need to find a doctor you trust, and be completely honest with that person - otherwise you are playing with fire.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 223
Addiction specialist can be a psychiatrist who specializes in addiction psychiatry. It's relatively new so don't beat yourself up about not knowing about it. I'm not sure where you live, but some laws have been passed that have doctors paranoid about any controlled substances. It doesn't really excuse how he treated you. Even if he did have a problem with what you did, he didn't handle it appropriately it seems and it left you feeling angry and frustrated.
You know what you have achieved and so do we. Not everyone can be as understanding. Hang in there!
You know what you have achieved and so do we. Not everyone can be as understanding. Hang in there!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Jilllian
So today, my doctor, who is new and has seen me just twice, and who's leaving in a week, said to me: "You need a chemical dependency evaluation."
Often life's "molehills" seem like "mountains" to me too.
I wish you the best with whatever decision you make.
Bob
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
lets see if we can help with the initials...i may be incorrectr but i'll give it a shot:
SIL....sister in law
XRAH.....Ex Recovering Alcoholic/Addict Husband (or maybe r is for Raging)?
STBXRAH...soon to be EX recovering Alcoholic Husband
LMK---let me know (or Love My Kuerig)
I think you arew supposing an awful lot. and also self-medicating to detox is not the best choice. 1.5 mg. of Ativan every day in 3 doses is probably making you spacey at best.
why don't you just tell your doctor what you are going through and ask for a referral.
your X is double-boarded both in Internal Medicine and Pain Management? I did not realize this is a sub-specialty. If the doctor is prescribing correctly, they do not have to worry about "covering their ass". i think this just a patient's perception or justification due to poor communication on the doctor's part? IDK?
SIL....sister in law
XRAH.....Ex Recovering Alcoholic/Addict Husband (or maybe r is for Raging)?
STBXRAH...soon to be EX recovering Alcoholic Husband
LMK---let me know (or Love My Kuerig)
I think you arew supposing an awful lot. and also self-medicating to detox is not the best choice. 1.5 mg. of Ativan every day in 3 doses is probably making you spacey at best.
why don't you just tell your doctor what you are going through and ask for a referral.
your X is double-boarded both in Internal Medicine and Pain Management? I did not realize this is a sub-specialty. If the doctor is prescribing correctly, they do not have to worry about "covering their ass". i think this just a patient's perception or justification due to poor communication on the doctor's part? IDK?
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