New, not sure I should post here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
New, not sure I should post here.
Hi, my name is Kate. I am recovering from being addicted to an addict. The story is long and angonizing, at this point let me just say that I have been a volunteered hostage to an alcoholic for about 5 years. I am in withdrawal, there has been no contact for about 7 days, from his side, I am ashamed to say that I have emailed him daily and have called a couple of times and left a message. Today is my first day free.
Funny thing is , I had dumped him about 4 years ago for about 2 years, then he quit drinking , we started seeing each other again, then he started drinking again. Yes I drank with him sometimes. Last time we were together he was drinking, I was not. He went off the deep end, I thought I was going to have to call the police and have him hospitalized, long story short , I didn't and I should have. Should have thrown his ass in jail. The last time I saw him he threatened me with a shovel, that was two days after the fiasco when I went to pick up my vehicle at his house. And of course it was all my fault, I was the one who was acting crazy.
There is so much more I could say, the hurt, the shame, wondering why I would accept such behavior, drink with him, what was I thinking. Watching my family anguish over the fact that I was seeing him again, vowing after every time we were together to never see him again. Uggggggg. This hurts. Thanks for reading, I am working on finding my peace, trying to find a way to care about him and let him go at the same time. My father was an alcoholic, all buttons are activated.
One day down. love to all Kate
Funny thing is , I had dumped him about 4 years ago for about 2 years, then he quit drinking , we started seeing each other again, then he started drinking again. Yes I drank with him sometimes. Last time we were together he was drinking, I was not. He went off the deep end, I thought I was going to have to call the police and have him hospitalized, long story short , I didn't and I should have. Should have thrown his ass in jail. The last time I saw him he threatened me with a shovel, that was two days after the fiasco when I went to pick up my vehicle at his house. And of course it was all my fault, I was the one who was acting crazy.
There is so much more I could say, the hurt, the shame, wondering why I would accept such behavior, drink with him, what was I thinking. Watching my family anguish over the fact that I was seeing him again, vowing after every time we were together to never see him again. Uggggggg. This hurts. Thanks for reading, I am working on finding my peace, trying to find a way to care about him and let him go at the same time. My father was an alcoholic, all buttons are activated.
One day down. love to all Kate
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,368
Welcome to SR KatieKate 
You'll find a lot of support and understanding here
We have a Family and Friends section you may be interested in too
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
D
You'll find a lot of support and understanding here
We have a Family and Friends section you may be interested in too
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 26
Me and my wife are separating after 22 years and guess why? I was never abusive to her and will love her to death but I understand her decision. I surely don't know your situation but think long and hard if you want to go thru this for the rest of your life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Dee, thanks for the link and the welcome.
Phil, so sorry things are where they are with you, it must be hard, but thanks, not what I want, not near it.
Nif, thank you for your concern, I am not being threatened, one thing he never does is go out, unless he needs supplies, I am too far for him to drive, I am safe and actually moving soon and he has no idea. We don't live together, phew, that was one thing I was adamant about.
This support feels so good, I needed it, so glad I joined.
kate
Phil, so sorry things are where they are with you, it must be hard, but thanks, not what I want, not near it.
Nif, thank you for your concern, I am not being threatened, one thing he never does is go out, unless he needs supplies, I am too far for him to drive, I am safe and actually moving soon and he has no idea. We don't live together, phew, that was one thing I was adamant about.
This support feels so good, I needed it, so glad I joined.
kate
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Middle of no where, oklahoma
Posts: 2,696
Welcome katie,
I was married to an alcoholic/addict for 7 yrs although we probably spent half of that time separated. Constant vicious cycle. I begged, I pleaded, did not think I could live without him. Flash forward, I am married to a wonderful man. It was no picnic getting over my first husband but when I fell in love with my current husband (of almost 18 yrs) I found out that what I had with my first husband was not what love is. Love does not cause constant pain. Wishing the very best for you. SR is a great place full of great people.
I was married to an alcoholic/addict for 7 yrs although we probably spent half of that time separated. Constant vicious cycle. I begged, I pleaded, did not think I could live without him. Flash forward, I am married to a wonderful man. It was no picnic getting over my first husband but when I fell in love with my current husband (of almost 18 yrs) I found out that what I had with my first husband was not what love is. Love does not cause constant pain. Wishing the very best for you. SR is a great place full of great people.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Welcome Katie !
I haven't been in your position, but I'm sure it must be terrible. I'm sorry that you are going through that.
There's lots of great support here. I'm glad you found us.
I haven't been in your position, but I'm sure it must be terrible. I'm sorry that you are going through that.
There's lots of great support here. I'm glad you found us.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Kate -
It sounds like you're on your way to better things.
If it's anything like being addicted to a substance, the first days are the worst. Once you get some time behind you, you'll be able to look back and say "what was I thinking?!"
Good to have you with us!
It sounds like you're on your way to better things.
If it's anything like being addicted to a substance, the first days are the worst. Once you get some time behind you, you'll be able to look back and say "what was I thinking?!" Good to have you with us!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Mountains of W.N.C.
Posts: 198
Looking at it from a reverse angle, I was in a toxic relationship & drank to numb myself to that fact. My Ex not only participated, but also enabled & in my honest opinion did so mostly to keep me pacified & in the relationship. I can only assume she chose to do this as a last ditch effort to make a failing relationship work & it did, at least for a while anyway. Fact is, some people simply aren't meant to be together & no amount of time, counselling or attempts at pacification will ever change that.
Katiekate, Enjoy your new life.
Katiekate, Enjoy your new life.
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